Shakespeare Celebrates His 450th Birthday in Retirement in Greece

Funny story written by Trinculoman

Thursday, 24 April 2014

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April 24, 2014 -- Our roving reporter of The Globe Times was fortunate to catch up with the world's most famous playwright William Shakespeare, familiarly known as the "Bard of Avon" from the river that graces his birthplace, Stratford-on-Avon, Warwickshire, England.

Now retired to a villa on Mount Parnassus in Greece, we found the Bard lounging on his terrace overlooking the sylvan Greek country side. Asked to comment upon his age on this special day, the Bard paused reflectively a moment and then replied: "I find I must quote myself: Thou hast nor age nor youth but, as it were, in an after dinner sleep, dreaming on both."

We wondered whether he ever got back to England, and the Bard replied smilingly: "In sooth, not oft, but when I doth, 'tis on my mother's Mary Arden farm that I tarry, oft giving the visitors a bit of a fright when I rattle the rafters!"

We knew the legend of Shakespeare's love for ladies, and we had heard the rumors about his amatory exploits with the Muses of Parnassus, leading him to be known locally as the "Stud of Parnassus." Queried about this, Stud Will only mused: "The course of true love never did run smooth." Then he added quickly with a laugh: "And the less Apollo knows about that stuff the better!"

Asked if he had a special celebration planned for this historic day, Shakespeare off-handedly said: "O, no special fete, I'll trow, yet Larry Olivier and John Gielgud are stopping by later for drinks." Will then chuckled heartily and added: "And, Ol' Ben Jonson may join us as well---if he's released on bail from the Clink!"

We wondered if the Bard had any particular wants or desires for his birthday that we could assist with. On this issue, Shakespeare was adamant and seemed not in "Gentle Will" mode. He exclaimed forcefully: "S'blood, yea, demand that the Royal Shakespeare Company send me all my friggin' royalties!!!!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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