Close-Minded Man Not Even Willing To Hear Out Argument On Why Cardio Steals Your Gains

Funny story written by David Becker

Thursday, 24 April 2014

VENICE BEACH, CA-Gym bros of local resident Justin Fox are becoming tired of his refusal to see other viewpoints. They claim he is totally unwilling to hear out any reasons why doing cardio as a part of his regular work out routine is stealing all of his gains.

Even when those close to Fox try to educate him in a calm and logical manner he simply "tunes them out." They report that he totally ignores evidence that demonstrates that any time on the treadmill prior to hitting the bench press will prevent your body from producing growth hormone.

"Even though we have had countless talks with him and have clearly outlined every aspect of how every super jacked guy in the gym swears that they never do cardio because it will definitely make them smaller," said lifting buddy Frank Zane, who added that he never saw anyone in the gym so stubborn about doing cardio. "Even when I talk about something that everyone in the gym agrees on-like how a man who uses an elliptical will never curl more the thirty-five pounds-he just shakes his head."

"I could go on for hours spelling out what has happened to every triathlete," Zane added, "but he totally ignores me."

Regardless of only planning on having a frank, yet open conversation with Fox about his overly stubborn views, most bros at his gym said they couldn't so much as suggest cardio was shrinking his biceps without being quickly dismissed by the close-minded Fox.

"Justin just throws up a mental block when you bring this stuff up." Fox's former trainer Kai Greene when on recorded saying, "You don't have a chance once he gets into that mindset. You can counter every one of his points with words of bros who are totally ripped, but it just doesn't get through to him. Even when I tell him guys at every gym, and guys on every internet forum feel this way, he still won't consider a change of heart." Greene asserted that his constant efforts to educate Fox about how all cardio athletes are determined to make sure all glamour muscles stop growing was like "talking to a wall." "Just the suggestion that there's a chance cardio athletes want all lifters to be small, and they will never be real gym bros like lifters, he just looks right through you."

Many guys at Fox's gym have hypothesised that his beliefs come from being confined to equally close minded people when he first started working out. Based on this, it might seem logical that warming up your muscles and getting your heart pumping before lifting is beneficial. And that cardio wasn't made popular by Satanists as a way of preventing many lifters from achieving the gains that G-d wants them to have.

"I always have to keep telling myself that Justin isn't a bad lifter or bro, he's just a misinformed one," said Steve Cook, Fox's gym owner. Cook admitted that he guilty of turning up the music in his gym just to drown out the repetitive "scientific" research that Fox would echo to others. "If I had to do all my own research on lifting, and wasn't exposed to the knowledge of many gym bros more experienced than myself, I might even share his narrow views."

"Someday he is going to have to leave his narrow world view and accept what every bro has been telling him. A lifter doing cardio is like spitting in the face of Arnold Schwarzenegger himself," Cook added. "I hope that sometime soon he stops living in this fantasy world, and stops stealing his gains with cardio."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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