Zimmerman Jailed Again. Authorities Aren't Sure Why
Speaking on the condition of anonymity because he's an imaginary person, Florida Police Officer Jim confirmed reports that George Zimmerman has once again been arrested. While he declined to comment on what landed Zimmerman in jail again, he did o...
Read full storyIn Wake of Naval Yard Shooting, Public Demands Asinine Gun Control Reform
In the wake of the Naval Yard shooting and subsequent revelations about the gunman, this writer once again did not interview any of the following imaginary people. Because the failure to understand laws and regulations as well as the ignorance dis...
Read full storyDazzling Harvest Moon lights Up Rare 'Blue Ice' Shower From International Space Station
New York - An extremely rare 'blue moon' kinda shower from the ISS space toilet was raining down hard all over Manhattan's Meatpacking District tonight. Up to six months' worth of human waste suddenly plummeted home during a dazzling Harvest Moon...
Read full storyApple Unveils iPhone 5-Z Targeted at the Niche Zombie Market
In a private after-party hosted after the public event on September 10 in its Cupertino, California headquarters, mobile phone company Apple's CEO Tim Cook unveiled the latest in the iPhone 5 lineup, a mobile phone made specifically for Zombies. "App...
Read full storyShore-Based Avians Offended at NFL's Use of "Seahawks"
Although not evident to the primarily human audience of the National Football League, beach-dwelling birds across the country are incensed at being referred to as "Seahawks." A survey of 1,034 birds, game, and fowl revealed that 64% are "very of...
Read full storyWayne LaPierre: "Guns Don't Kill People. Crazy Fucks with Guns Kill People."
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Amid renewed talk of more stringent universal background checks after the latest school shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, Wayne LaPierre was seen walking around the capitol, with his pockets bursting with congressmen...
Read full storyAmendola Treated by Witch Doctors & Voodoo Experts
GILLETTE STADIUM NEXT TO LOURDES - Robert Kraft has spared no expense in finding a way to put Danny Amendola back on the field as soon as possible. The Patriots have decided to use alternative methods of medicine, usually seen in the New England a...
Read full storyMichelle Obama Reveals Her Favorite Hip Hop Rap Band
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Michelle Obama was recently interviewed by Calcutta Cotton with Music Moments Magazine. The First Lady was asked if she had a favorite music television show. She replied that her and her husband and the girls enjoy watching Amer...
Read full storyTiger Woods Cancels His Scheduled Golf Clinic In Syria
KANSAS CITY - Tiger Woods was visiting a former caddy in Kansas City when he was asked about his upcoming golf clinic in Damascus, Syria. Woods grinned and shook his head as he said that needless to say that baby has been cancelled permanently due...
Read full storyX-Factor's Simon Cowell Has Fallen In Love With Paulina Rubio's Accent
LOS ANGELES - This year's edition of X-Factor has kicked off with a bang and Simon "The Sultan of Sarcasm" Cowell could not be happier. He and last year's judge Demi Lovato have been joined by two brand new judges, Kelly Rowland of Destiny's Child...
Read full storyThe New York Yankees Offer A 16-Year-Old Flame Throwing Pitcher A Contract
NEW YORK CITY - Sporting Chance Magazine is reporting that the New York Yankees organization has just offered 16-year-old Shreveport, Louisiana pitching sensation Corey Buttonbox a 2-year, $3 million contract. Buttonbox who is a freshman at Shreve...
Read full storyIllegal Aliens Are Now Using Ultralight Planes To Cross Into The United States
EL PASO - The United States Border Patrol has just stated that they have just discovered a new way in which illegal aliens from Mexico and Central America are using to cross the border into the U.S. A spokesperson for the Border Patrol, Hillary Za...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Says That The Real Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania Is His Favorite American Show
HOLLYWOOD - Kim Jong Un who is a big fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger recently spoke to a reporter with The Rice Paddy National News Agency of North Korea about American television. The North Korean leader said that one of his favorite shows is Simon...
Read full storyMcDonald's to Offer a "Loaves and Fishes" Special
McDonald's executives went into action as soon they read the story (see it here) on the announcement by archaeologists that they may have found in Israel the original site of the "loaves and fishes" miracle. (You'll recall the Bible story that thous...
Read full storyPassing on Football, Rev. Tebow's Now a 'Rattlersnake' Preacher
Tim Tebow isn't unemployed any longer. And he's gone from the game of football to good ole-timey religion. No, he's no longer going to throw dying quail passes. Rev. Tebow's saving souls. Oh Brother, where art thou will soon be found behind the p...
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