Gloucester City to play in fans' back gardens
Conference North mid-table team, Gloucester City, have discovered that as from next season, they will be homeless, after selling the ground they have played in for the past one hundred a twenty years, and owing their current landlords forty-thousand...
Read full storyPassengers demand the return of the Body Scanners
Air passengers at Stockport Airport are demanding a return of the full body terrahertz scanners after the replacement has proven unpopular. The full body scanners were installed in 2005 and caused a massive controversy when it was revealed that th...
Read full storyCardinal sins to be reclassified as sub-standard virtues
The recent apology by Cardinal Keith O'Brien where he admitted to below-standard sexual conduct, has inspired a radical review of offences. HR, ecumenical and legal professionals are all celebrating the proposed new terminology. "Really it is an...
Read full storyPolice confirm anti-terror strategy: 'we arrest people who look like terrorists'
London Chief Constable, Brian Hogan, today confirmed the Police were exploiting the major weakness in the terrorists' armour: the fact that terrorists consistently look like terrorists. The Commissioner explained, "this gives us the upper hand bec...
Read full storyNorth Carolina pastor elected Pope!
The world was shocked and mostly outraged today when a North Carolina pastor and recently converted Evangelical Christian was elected Pope by the College of Cardinals at the Vatican. The Reverend T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg, North Carolina, is a...
Read full storySpielberg and Cruise Team Up For Napoleon Epic
Steven Spielberg is to make a mini-series based on the life of teeny tiny French Emperor Napoleon and has already earmarked Tom Cruise to star as the dwarf like leader who not only continually tickled his own nipple but also branded and created his v...
Read full storyPrince Charles in Queen Elizabeth Suspected Gastroenteritis Poison Attempt Shock
In an astonishing development Prince Charles is under suspicion of trying to poison the Queen. Two suspect tubs of soup from the Prince's exclusive range have been taken for forensic analysis after it was discovered that the Queen's stomach bug had b...
Read full storyObama sends emergency goody bags to Vatican Choom Room
Rome - College of Cardinals tokers got a rare treat today as an emergency aid package from the White House signaled the start of the Papal bong convention. Hundreds of pick-n-mix Walmart goody bags laden with candy, chewing gum, cigarette papers,...
Read full storyHarlem Shake for the Vatican
In a dramatic attempt by the Catholic Church to get up to date, Cardianals meeting in Room 101 prior to electing a new Pope, have agreed that the new Pope must be able to dance the Harlem Shake. Cardinanal Archie Creepy announced the new policy af...
Read full storyAudaciously Coward
How, overnight, I became a multi-millionaire is not a kid's story! My regular exercise begins at dawn, of course, indoors; otherwise, plainclothes men might take me in as a suspect! Normally, I open the gate to look for unusual things such as a stranger's car parked right in the driveway, etc. On the morning of that very day, to my great surprise, I saw a black carry-on bag neatly and visibly...
Read full storyArizona Prohibits Public Breastfeeding During The Daylight Hours
PHOENIX - The state of Arizona has just passed what has got to be one of the most amazing state laws in the history of state laws. According to Carolina Chipotle with Bedroom Pillow Talk the Arizona state senate has just passed The Senator Arlene...
Read full storyAll-Star Celebrity Apprentice - Donald Trump Fires Brett Michael's In Season Opener
NEW YORK CITY - Season 13 of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice proved to be bad luck for rock singer Brett Michaels as he was the year's first victim. Brett was definitely thrown under the bus by the black and white tandem of Omarosa and Brande Roderi...
Read full storyParis Hilton's TV Show, The Vampire Threesome Gets The Axe
HOLLYWOOD - Word out of LaLaLand is that the Epitome Television Network has just cancelled The Vampire Threesome. According to Tittle Tattle Tonight's Pico de Gallo there were several reasons why the vampire show which starred Paris Hilton, Russel...
Read full storyPope To Followers: "Fuck It"
Rome---Not long after stunning his followers by announcing his sudden retirement, Pope Benedict XVI has delivered his farewell speech before a huge crowd of cheering supporters. In his speech the Pope explained his reasons for quitting, something no Pope has done in centuries. Here is a condensed version of the Pope's address: Dear followers, I greet you, and I am honored by you...
Read full storyDevelopers of Penis Keyboard Give Up, Saying It Just Won't Work
A once promising high-tech startup company that had hoped to market a computer keyboard that allowed men to type with their penis has gone out of business. "We had high hopes for 'The Squirty Qwerty,' said Munsen Funjit, marketing manager of the...
Read full storyHeidi Klum Replaces Sharon Osbourne on America's Got Talent
NEW ORLEANS - Heidi Klum is one very happy celebrity model as she has just learned that she has been pegged to be the second female judge replacing America's Got Talent judge Sharon "Dah-Ling" Osbourne. Klum, 39, will be joining Howie Mandel, Howa...
Read full storyGuide to Watching the Road Show of David Ortiz
David Ortiz may be the best actor on the Red Sox since the lowly Red Sox were on a twin bill with Laurence Olivier playing a second-rate vaudeville singer. At the time we were impressed with Olivier's tapdance and Don Buddin doing something sim...
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