Dr. Virginia de Souza Claims she was sending them to Jesus Christ
Oh, what a tangled web we weave. Brazilian Doctor Virginia de Souza has now been charged with 7 counts of aggravated first degree murder and could be looking at 1,700 counts. Until her arrest Dr. Virginia de Souza worked as a doctor at the Evangelica...
Read full storyPig meat found in hot cross buns
A spokesman for Britain's leading bakery chain admitted that pigmeat was used in millions of hot cross buns on sale this weekend. Most of the major supermarkets have this product on their shelves, discounted at one pound per bun. The chief Rabbi i...
Read full story'Plenty of room in the Ecuador bunker!' Julian Assange tells Oscar Pistorius
Pretoria, South Africa - "Sure it's a bit cramped but whaddahell?" the fugitive from justice chuckled during an internet call from his Ecuadorean embassy basement hideout in London SW3. Holed up pending extradition to Sweden the Wikileaks founder...
Read full storyDoctors Mystified by Baby Born With Phillips-Head Butt Crack
Doctors in the small town of Flooters Bend have announced that a baby with a Phillips head butt crack was born in a local hospital yesterday, a never-before seen occurrence. "It's unique, alright," said Dr. Lionel Shizzmer, the doctor who delivered...
Read full storyLife of a Hollywood Laugh Track Laugher Not All Laughs, Says Laugher
Garson Weedleston estimates that his laugh has been featured on more than 500 television programs. "People think I'm the happiest guy in the world because I'm a professional laugh track laugher, but in reality, it's a tough, demanding job," said Wee...
Read full storyTaliban To Use IEDs To Start Gopher Exterminating Business
In a surprise announcement, Taliban militants today said they will discontinue attacks on people and, instead, will form a company specializing in gopher and mole eradication using IEDs. "We still hate infidels and Western countries, but we hate...
Read full storyCompulsory brain scans for appeal court judges
From the first of April all appeal court judges will be forced to undergo compulsory brain scans to see if they really are partially brain dead. The scans are to be carried out in private clinics because the government lacks confidence in the NHS to...
Read full storyRepublicans Have Turned into Duck Penises
Several members of the Republican Party have transformed into duck penises. The mysterious condition began to take hold soon after they expressed outrage at a government funded research project on duck penises. Like the sexual anatomy of the male...
Read full storyMarijuana Legalization Responsible for University Patrol Lay-Offs in Colorado
DENVER - University patrol officers file for unemployment throughout Colorado just a few months after the state effectively passed ballot initiatives legalizing, taxing, and regulating recreational marijuana use. After Amendment 64 had passed, un...
Read full storyDorking Church Hall News Letter
Dear Parishioner's, The hall has seen many faces come and go, thank the lord we managed to persuade "The Kim Jong Ill appreciation society" to give up their vigil. The violence was a little over the top but at least no one was arrested. This Easter we see some new faces using the hall and I hope they will be made as welcome as all our previous residents. Please report abuse of the hall to me.
Read full storyCameron on nepotism charges as yet another relative slums it on Masterchef
London - "It was bad enough last year," a No 10 deep throat whispered, "when one of Sam Cam's little bastard brothers, Luigi 'The Squid' Mussolini, got into the semifinals - and landed the top grace 'n' favor catering spot at the Olympic Village.
Read full storyPope Francis Serves Eviction Notice on Pope Benedict
According to confidential sources within the Vatican Curia, Pope Francis has served an eviction notice on Pope Emeritus Benedict. The former pope has one week from Easter Sunday to vacate Castel Gandolfo or answer to the Italian courts. The act...
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