Marijuana Legalization Responsible for University Patrol Lay-Offs in Colorado

Written by Sebscholl

Thursday, 28 March 2013

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DENVER - University patrol officers file for unemployment throughout Colorado just a few months after the state effectively passed ballot initiatives legalizing, taxing, and regulating recreational marijuana use.

After Amendment 64 had passed, universities soon realized that their campus officer positions had become exempt to purpose. As CU-Boulder Dean of Student Christina Gonzales reported, "Due to the legalization ballot, marijuana users are no longer a threat to our students. Simply put, our patrol officers now have nothing to do."

Former Fort Lewis University campus patrol officer, Billy Hayes (32), talks about how this change has affected him since being laid off in early February. "It has not been as bad as I imagined. The department divvied all of our confiscated herb since it is legal now, and I know all the kids who buy the stuff. Additionally, I was able to sign up for unemployment benefits online."

Billy later reported that "after his stash runs out", he is considering employment at the Department of Motor Vehicles, where he feels that his training in decisive thinking and customer service would allow him to easily adapt to the new environment.


Related Articles In Brief:

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A satirical news story by Sebastian Scholl.

-Sepp

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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