Written by IainB

Thursday, 21 March 2013

image for Isle of Wight News - Ryde Pier is still green after St Patrick's Day
Jasper Verdy led the team that painted the pier

On March 17th, Ryde Council painted Ryde pier bright green to celebrate St Patrick's day.

"Sadly," said Pat Saint, councillor for Ryde and District, "Patrick's day fell on a Sunday this year, and the council painters refused to work on a Sunday. We suggested that they paint it on the Saturday, but this is the busiest day for Ryde Pier, so that was also a no-no. Obviously it couldn't be done earlier, so we had to do it on Monday."

This meant that Ryde Pier was closed to tourists for the whole of Monday while it was painted, and the whole of Tuesday while the paint dried. This did not cause too many problems as the public have have not been allowed on Ryde Pier since the storms of 2006. However, people come from miles around to marvel at the Victorian construction.

"It looks a bit daft green," said Yelthorpe Jenkins, 36, a local resident who has lived in Ryde for forty-seven years. "I mean, if it had been St Patrick's day was today, then having it green would be kind of okay, but it was ages ago now."

The plan was originally to have the pier green for just a short period.

"It was a shame we didn't read the instructions on the paint tin," said Patricia Saint. "Aparently, although it's touch dry within forty-eight hours, it takes a further sixty hours to be dry enough to paint over."

This means the pier cannot be painted it's more traditional red colour until Sunday.

"And the painters don't work on a Sunday," said Miss Saint.

"They might as well leave it green," said Horton McTierney, a visiting Irish visitor. "I like green, and it has the advantage of rendering the pier invisible against the water. As you're not allowed on the pier, having it be invisible stops it being an eyesore."

Patricia Saint refused to acknowledge that Ryde's only tourist attraction apart from the traffic cone museum, is an eyesore.

"People come from miles away to be disappointed by our pier," she said. "It will be painted red again soon."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
65 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more