Is The NFL Heading Towards Touch Football?

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 21 March 2013

image for Is The NFL Heading Towards Touch Football?
Team owners voted down the proposal to change the shape of the football by a vote of 30-2.

PHOENIX - Many NFL fans are wondering if the Arizona heat may have gotten to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and some of the team owners after some of the new NFL rule changes were announced.

Sporting Chance Magazine reports that the major rules change states that ball carriers will no longer be allowed to use the crown of their helmets to make contact with defensive players.

Even though the rule was a controversial one the owners passed it 31-1.

SCM's Hercules Confetti noted that lots of football fans are wondering if the NFL is slowly moving to one day becoming the NTFL or National Touch Football League.

One proposal that was proposed was the eliminating of the kickoff. After a heated debate this issue was voted down 19-13.

A team owner from the East Coast who begged that his name not be used stated that he wanted team huddles to be done away with completely.

He commented that huddles serve no real purpose and they could make the opposing players feel like they're being talked about.

He pointed out that this could result in semi-seriously traumatizing some of the more sensitive players.

This proposal was dropped after only one other owner agreed with the New England owner (oops!).

One new rule that did get approved by the owners is the so called Gatorade Rule. Starting with the 2013-2014 season all players will only be allowed one bottle of Gatorade per quarter.

Commissioner Goodell expressed that this rule will result in millions of dollars in savings.

Another rule that was easily passed is the No Smoking On The Bench Rule. Two team owners almost came to blows regarding this matter but the rule was passed by a vote of 29-3.

The much talked about issue of extensive cussing on the playing field was also addressed and dealt with. Players will now be subjected to stiff fines if they use any expletives such as the B word, the F word, the N word, or the SOB words.

One long time Oakland Raiders fan identified as Hank "Bubba" Kigglebrew, 53, said that the NFL owners and Commissioner Goodell are trying to turn the NFL into a soccer league.

He went on to say that if things keep going the way they're going pretty soon women will be playing in the NFL while wearing shorts.

Another die hard fan Miranda "Touchdown" Waxweiser, 42, of Reno, Nevada, remarked that she loves watching the rough contact of NFL football but she feels that the way things are going within three or four years the NFL is going to resemble a uniformed version of Dancing With The Stars.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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