Cardinals Reveal "Morgan Freeman Was Our Second Choice"
The 115 Cardinals who selected Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina to be the next pope announced today that actor Morgan Freeman was their second choice even though Freeman isn't a Catholic. "Si, Si, that's true," said Italian Cardinal Arsenio De...
Read full storyPope's Former Neighbor Recalls Love Letter
An Argentine man who grew up as the neighbor of the future Pope Francis says he was very briefly the object of his affections when the future pontiff was 12. Pedro Damonte, now 96, still lives four doors down from where Jorge Mario Bergoglio grew...
Read full storyStacy Keibler Tells George Clooney To Give Her A Ring or It's Adios Georgy
West Hollywood - Stacy Keibler recently told one of her best friends that she's been with boyfriend George Clooney for a year and a half and it is time for him to come up with an engagement ring or let her go since her biological clock is tick-tockin...
Read full storyIrish Americans Who Have No Irish In Them Whatsoever Celebrate St Patrick's Day By Drinking "Irish Car Bomb" Drink
Drunk, ignorant so called "Irish Americans" will once again celebrate St Patrick's Day, dressed in green, claiming to "have a Great Great Grandfather, who knew a guy from Ireland" and insult true Irish people everywhere by downing "Irish Car Bomb" dr...
Read full storyBubonic Plague spores seeping into London water supply
London - A Black Death burial pit containing hundreds of thousands of medieval skeletons is slowly contaminating rivulets that feed London's River Thames according to QM-NewsCorpse reports. Scientists monitoring the excavation under the Farringdon...
Read full storyVatican First Lady demands Obama-style armored limo
Rome - The Pope's lawfully-wedded Ecuadorean wife is in talks with Vatican Garages Inc to scrap the 'downmarket' official popemobile for a rhinestone-studded Chevrolet Kodiak-based, Cadillac-badged limo 'just like the one Michelle Obama enjoys'. A...
Read full storyHuhne Prison Diary Day 1
Friday 15th 2013 Dear Diary, Well I have survived a night in Wandsworth Prison and I haven't been beaten up yet. I'm 'padded' (sharing) a cell (toilet) with somebody who cannot be named for legal reasons but he's 'in' (convicted) for robbing old grannies for their handbags and seems quite harmless, and he had to get up in the middle of the night and have a very large poo (crap). Oh the ind...
Read full storyLife Without Welker Muddles On for the Patriots
Now that Wes Welker won't be carrying Tom Brady next season, we may be looking at the biggest disaster since the sinking of the Titanic. For six years Tom Brady has been on the downslide. Time after time he could not find any other receivers. He w...
Read full storyKobe Bryant Injured - The Lakers Playoff Hopes May Have Just Faded Into The Left Coast Sunset
LOS ANGELES - Laker fans are holding their collective breaths and hoping that their superstar Kobe "Vino" Bryant is not hurt as bad as Charles "The Fat Bro" Barkley thinks he is. Barkley who is noted for letting venomous saliva spew forth from his...
Read full storyThe USS Dream Turns Into The USS Nightmare
ST. MAARTEN - It looks like the Care Free Ocean Liner Company which is based in Waterloo, Iowa has done it again. After the great fiasco last month with the USS Triumph now comes word that the USS Dream is having its share of ocean going problems.
Read full storyKim Jong Un Invites Honey Boo Boo To Visit North Korea
McINTYRE, Georgia - There is surprise in the Alana Thompson household as little Honey Boo Boo child as she refers to herself has been invited to visit North Korea by Kim Jong Un. At first Honey Boo Boo's mama, June "Mama" Shannon thought that the...
Read full storyThe Kristen Stewart Rumors Have Hit The Fan
VENICE BEACH - K-Stew and Tamra Natisin were seen walking hand-in-hand at Seashell Sal's Sporting Stuff Shop. When they were spotted by Macadamia Honeysuckle of LaLaLand Daily, formerly LaLaLand Limelight the two quickly let go of each others hand...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Shocker: Curtis Finch, Jr., Is Eliminated
HOLLYWOOD - When American Idol judge Nicki Minaj heard that Curtis Finch, Jr., was in danger of being sent back to St. Louis, she hollered out to Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest that if Curtis goes home then she's going home as well. And the final decisio...
Read full storyPope Emeritus Wants His Old Job Back
"Mamma mia, I resigned too soon," he's told friends. He had hoped to find another job, but he didn't realize that there aren't many to be found in this economy. Word is he's been pounding the pavement; but, so far, no luck. Potential employers are...
Read full storyWisconsiners Warm Up to Wild West Weinie Winters
Anyone who has spent any time in Colorado or any western ski resort areas has noticed the high density of Wisconsiners living there (to avoid any violent misunderstandings and to remain socially correct, by 'high density' I am referring to the percentage of population, not the thickness of their skulls). There is a disproportionally large population of them coming from a state with only five milli...
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