Kim and Kanye had been hiding the truth about newborn, North, from Kris Jenner -- he's an alien!!!
On Sunday afternoon, Kim Kardashian, 32, and Kanye West, rapper and music producer, released new pictures of their newborn son. North, weighing 100 lbs. and blessed with a large derriere and an unusually shaped head, is already being filmed for the...
Read full storyPepe and Hillary's One Year Re-Union at Club Lewinsky
It is obvious to myself, Pepe Warezabar, your roving reporter for The Guard Dog, that Hillary Clinton is alive to every nuance, every whisper of significance occurring in the known cosmos. So it was not surprising to me when we met for our one year re-union at her husband's favorite night club, The Lewinksy, that she would enquire about my health. The club was very noisy at this point with...
Read full storySparks and Mensa launch Eye Shadow for men
Sparks and Mensa the high street shop for the supernova of the intelligentsia have announced a new eye make up range aimed exclusively at men. "The eye liner range we launched last year did remarkably well," said manager of the Dorking store, Just...
Read full storyBank of England Saved
In a dramatic move the fate of the Bank of England has been saved by the appointment of true winner. He is Gilbert 'Minty' Murray, who has astonished everyone with his amazing talent for finding strength from nowhere and in being at several places...
Read full storyMiddle East on karma alert for Ramadan new moon
Asia - Monday's Sun/Moon/Mercury/Jupiter conjunction in the sign of Cancer kick starts the annual Holy Month with a classic Muslim Sisterhood-kinda aspect not seen since AD 579 when sexist revisionists ousted the Great Goddess Al-Lat, the preeminent,...
Read full storyAaron Hernandez: Not Exactly Smart & Pretty
NFL testing results for Aaron Hernandez have been leaked. To no one's surprise, the Patriots bought a pig in a pokey when they drafted him. He is not dumb as a rock, but when your un-cashed paycheck is discovered at your "flop house," you make a...
Read full storyKerry Katona Tells The
Everyone's favourite car crash celebrity, Kerry Katona, has been declared bankrupt for the second time. Going bankrupt is normally a good sign for a celebrity to fuck off out of sight for a bit so they can get their affairs in order (ditching the cocaine habit) in private. Then come storming back with a tell all autobiography which leaves so little to the imagination you'll feel that you know the...
Read full storyJohn 'I'm so beautiful' Inverdale confirms his attention seeking 'ham fisted' status.
Wimbledon, LONDON: John 'I'm so beautiful' Inverdale was in 'fine' form at this years Wimbledon Lawn Tennis Championships, posing and making insane comments. The BBC send hundreds of staff to 'featherbed' the likes of John 'I'm so beautiful' Inve...
Read full storyEdward Snowden Says He's Considering Ex-Russian Spy Anna Chapman's Marriage Proposal
MOSCOW - The infamous NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden has just become a little more infamous after reports have emerged that the world's number one female Russian spy Anna Chapman has asked him to marry her. Anna Chapman spoke with a reporter wit...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Talks About Her New Baby (North West), Her Old Baby (Kanye), and Her Mom (Kris)
HOLLYWOOD - Kim Kardashian says that she can hardly wait to lose all of her baby weight and get back to being the Queen of The Tinsel Town Tushes. She talked with Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo at a local Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More T...
Read full storyDwight Howard Leaves The LaLaLand Lakers For The Houston Rockets
LOS ANGELES - Many of the Laker fans are very upset at the fact that Dwight Howard has decided to leave the bright lights of Tinsel Town for the space age city of Houston. Houston is home to NASA, while LaLaLand is home to Paris Hilton, earthquake...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Reflects on Her Rehab Clinic Stay
LOS ANGELES - A custodian at the rehab clinic where Lindsay Lohan is serving her 3 month mandatory confinement has said that he has never seen a patient who is in such a state of denial, confusion, and boredom than Lindsay Lohan. He commented that...
Read full storyPresident Obama Receives A Fantastic Trade Offer For Edward Snowden From Russian President Putin
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama had just gotten off the phone with George Clooney when he was approached by Vice-President Joe Biden. The vice-president informed him that he had just received a text message from Russian President Vladimir Putin...
Read full storyPalace Malice Leaves Every Horse In The Dust As He Wins The Yucatan Commemorative Derby
COZUMEL, Mexico - Kentucky racehorse Palace Malice has just become the first horse in Mexico to ever win the nation's Triple Crown of Horseracing as he handily won The Yucatan Commemorative Derby. Zorro La Bamba with The Sports Bet Gazette covered...
Read full storyA List of 10 Little Known Facts About Paula Deen
Paula Deen's Southern Fried Cooking World has collapsed around her quicker than a pile of Taco-Flavored Doritos around Kirstie Alley. Deen has learned a pretty hard to swallow lesson about what the politically correct world of today will allow and will not allow. And the ironic thing about it is she used a word; the "N" word that thousands of people use on a daily basis [i.e. rap singers, hi...
Read full storyKate Middleton Says That Queen Elizabeth is Starting To Get On Her Last Nerve
LONDON - Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that Kate Middleton has just told her husband William that he had better talk to his grandmother AKA Queen Elizabeth II, and tell her that she had better stop meddling in their marital affairs. Kate, who i...
Read full storyEdward Snowden Could Be Bound For Venezuela
CARACAS, Venezuela - In the very latest installment in what is being hailed as The Edward Snowden Soap Opera comes an amazing international development. Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro has expressed a sincere desire to grant Edward "The Whistl...
Read full storyGovernor Chris Christie Says New Jersey Will Come Down Hard On Computer Hackers
TRENTON, New Jersey - Governor Chris Christie has just announced that the state's seedy individuals who think that it is funny to mess with New Jersey's computer system are in for a mighty rude awakening. The governor has issued a Governor's Direc...
Read full storyDemi Moore Explains Why She Is Leaving Hollywood For Good
HOLLYWOOD - Demi Moore says that she is throwing in the white towel. The G.I. Jane star revealed to a close friend that she is tired of everyone laughing behind her back due to the fact that she practically begged ex-husband-to-be Ashton Kutcher to t...
Read full storyMiss Pennsylvania Is Ordered To Pay Donald Trump $5 Million
CRANBERRY, Pennsylvania - The 2012 contestant who represented the state of Pennsylvania in The Miss USA Beauty Pageant, Sheena Monnin has just had the surprise of her fake smile life. Miss Monnin [Pronounced MOAN-IN] has been ordered by a judge to...
Read full storyKobe Bryant Says He's Glad That Dwight Howard Jumped Ship Because The Brutha Is Too Tall
LOS ANGELES - There is no joy in Mudslideville today as one of the purple and gold fellas has hightailed it out of town and is moseying over to Houston. Dwight Howard, who had been courted by half a dozen NBA teams, decided that his best bet was t...
Read full storyRussell Brand Says That He Would Feel Like A Schoolboy Starring In A Movie With The Sensuously Sexy Scarlett Johansson
HOLLYWOOD - Russell Brand has stated that he has just been approached by executives with Tri-Moon Pictures about starring in a film with the gorgeously sexy Scarlett Johansson. Brand, the ex-husband of Katy Perry told Hollywood Innuendo's Ty Tickl...
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