Grammy Award Winner's Aftershave Results in Hazmat Response
Sources say a Los Angeles Fire Department hazmat team responded to the Grammy Awards show Sunday night after hundreds of people in the audience were sickened by musician Jack White's aftershave. "It was awful," said backup hummer Caaloey D'Ababa...
Read full storyOptometrist Association Inks Deal to Use Zach Galifianakis' Name as Eye Chart
The National Optometric Association announced today that actor Zach Galifianakis' name will replace the current eye test chart hanging on the walls of eye doctor offices across the country. "Patients were getting bored reading lines like LPEDPEC...
Read full storyMillions Shocked to Learn Identity of "They" as in "They Say It's Supposed to Rain"
For many years, millions of people have begun sentences with, "They say...". But just who "They" are has been a mystery--until now. University of Zawyzona Sociology Professor Dr. Hyman Flatcramp announced today that after years of searching, his te...
Read full storySports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue - Kate Upton Makes The Cover Again
CHICAGO - The much anticipated annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue has arrived and millions of red blooded American males are happily hootin and hollerin over SI's cover choice. Kate Upton has made a second splash by once again winning the co...
Read full storyPenis dropped off? That won't faze the sea slug
World experts in the field of natural sciences have today been dumbfounded by the sensational news that the sea slug has a detachable penis. This unassuming little critter swims about aimlessly until an attractive female enters the picture. The ma...
Read full storyAdele To Sell Her Big Red Grammy Awards Show Dress on eBay
NEW YORK CITY - Adele was in The Big Apple taking in the sites before flying back across the pond to her home in England. She stated that she was amazed at the amounts of squirrels running around Central Park. The London resident confessed tha...
Read full storyQuick shaving cuts closer
Cutting-edge research shows that fast shaving results in a smoother shave. Men who shave themselves quickly tend to cut closer to the skin, according to a large-scale study of shaving habits. In contrast, those guys who take ages to get shaved in...
Read full storyChelsea Handler and Madonna Get Into Some Trash Talking
MALIBU BEACH - Sparks recently flew at a Hawaiian Luau Beach Party that Rob Pattinson threw in honor of Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder, stars of the television hit series The Vampire Diaries. The party was held at RPattz Malibu Beach house The Va...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Denies The Shrink Visit Rumors
BEVERLY HILLS - Kristen Stewart visited The Princess Sizzle Sizzle Tanning Salon on Rodeo Drive to see about getting a little color in her extremely pale skin. The Twilight Saga actress is still in a somewhat state of depression over the fact that...
Read full storyReconsidering the Dangerous Days of Delonte
BOSTON-- Should the Celtics take Delonte West back for round three of the heavyweight fight? West has done two tours of duty in Boston and didn't shoot anyone or take to the Prudential Tower in a fit of rage. The Celtics have watched two point...
Read full storyPope in Valentine's Day assisted euthanasia pact with Queen Elizabeth
Rome - The secret accord was forged when the pair worked on Korean Peninsula covert projects in their early 20s during the turbulent North-South divide. "We always suspected they spent their youth in Asia," a Spanish Inquisition source commented,...
Read full storyWrestling News - Hulk Hogan To Wrestle Sarah Palin
LAS VEGAS - Hulk Hogan, who is known as The Brett Favre of Wrestling, has just announced that he will be coming out of retirement again and returning to the wrestling ring. The Hulkster, whose real name is Terry Bollea, spoke to Hercules Confetti...
Read full storyPakistan Outsources A Call Center To Cleveland
CLEVELAND, Ohio - In an interesting twist of events, a telemarketing group in Pakistan has just outsourced its phone telemarketing program to The Hello Telemarketing Agency which is based in Cleveland. Pakistan's Yak Yak Telemarketing Agency, whic...
Read full storyMagic Johnson Lambasts The Lakers Using The "E" Word
LOS ANGELES - Magic Johnson, who used to be part owner of The Los Angeles Lakers, has lambasted the team he once played for and partially owned. Johnson recently spoke with Rufus Reno of Sports Balls Illustrated Daily and told him that he is downr...
Read full storyCruise Line Offers Bygone Era Of Sailing
Medieval Cruise Lines initial public offering of preferred stock has been met with widespread joy by vacationers and by investors alike. Its shares closed fifty percent higher than the initial asking price and it has fully booked all of its cruise...
Read full storyOlympics Drops Medal Awards from 2014 Games
It has been announced that medals will no longer be handed out to finalists in the 2014 games. The decision was applauded by television networks and ushers in a new era for the aging sports franchise. The decision to halt medal awards was voted o...
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