Dick Cheney busted at Bush library dedication
Dallas, Texas -- Former Vice President Dick Cheney missed most of the ceremonies dedicating the George W. Bush Library here. Federal Library Enforcement Agency (FLEA) officers pulled him out of the crowd to issue over two dozen citations for overdue...
Read full storyPeople Magazine Names Nancy Pelosi 2013's 'Ugliest Woman Alive'
LOS ANGELES, CA - Move over, Gwyneth Paltrow! The controversial "actress" and avowed herbivore was recently bestowed with the title of People Magazine's 'Most Attractive Woman' for 2013. Now, the magazine that defines the standards of the glamor li...
Read full storyQueensland rejects common-as-muck Queen Kate
Brisbane - Australia's second-largest and third-most populous state has put its foot down about the Douchesse of Cambridge becoming queen after extensive DNA testing showed Kate Middleton is Cherie Blair's squalid brat. The sovereign state of Quee...
Read full storyCuriosity on Mars: Life's a Beach Ball
Your tax dollars are hard-at work. Up there on Mars, the manly god of war planet, in the red clay of the surface, our cheeky little rover is having a grand old time. Without a men's room in the vicinity, the rover has had nowhere to peddle...
Read full storyInside the FBI's terrorism cryptology unit
QM-NewsCorpse reporters have been given unprecedented access to the Bureau's legendary decoding unit that uses numerological, linguistic and symbological tricks to piece together terror suspects' agendas. Here is a brief glance at its anagram division's profile of key players involved in the Boston Marathon bombings: Chief suspects: Tamerlan Tsarnaev anagrams to Relevant Satan Arm - a r...
Read full storyHouston Baseball Comes to Boston
Surprise of all surprises, the Houston Colt .45s have come to Boston in April. We thought interleague play began later in the season. To our shock, we learned that the Houston team is now in the American League, having been drummed out of the Nati...
Read full storyBrad Pitt Insists That Angelina Jolie Get A Lip Reduction
NEW YORK CITY - Brad Pitt recently made mention of a fact that could end up getting him in a whole world of hurt with fiancée Angelina Jolie. Pitt, 47, told the Celebrity Globe that Angie recently checked into the Salvatore Goombalini General Hosp...
Read full storyJoan Rivers Lashes Out At Taylor Swift
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Joan Rivers, who is known as the Queen of Mean, performed a 20 minute stand up routine at West Hollywood's famed Laughing Beaver Comedy Club. And the 79-year-old Yiddish Yapper managed to attack her usual targets; Adele, Chelsea H...
Read full storyKaty Perry Spotted At Rob Pattinson's Vampire Villa in Malibu Beach
MALIBU BEACH - The star of the Twilight Saga series Rob Pattinson and Katy Perry, the singer who sang the hit song "I Kissed A Girl And I Liked It" were recently seen entering RPattz infamous Vampire Villa located in Malibu Beach. The couple was s...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Forced To Sell Her Home
VENICE BEACH - Lindsay Lohan who has more problems than a high school math book has stated that she's had to put her house on the market. Lohan's home Lucky LohanLand, which is located in Venice Beach has been listed at $1.8 million. The much...
Read full storyShakira Denies That Blake Shelton Propositioned Her
LOS ANGELES - Shakira, who along with Usher are the two newest members of The Voice, has already become embroiled in a bit of controversy. According to Tittle Tattle Tonight, an inside source has revealed that the Colombian singing belly dancer an...
Read full storyJennifer Aniston's Wedding To Justin Theroux Is Off
BEVERLY HILLS - The word out of LaLaLand is that the wedding that was being touted as the Wedding of the Year has been called off. Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo reported that Aniston, 44, has decided to cancel her wedding to fellow...
Read full storyReese Witherspoon defends Boston bombers
In a surprising turn of events Reese Witherspoon an animal rights activist told a friend she supports the Boston bombers because they were wild and hairy. Shortly, after the statement the police were notified and Mrs. Witherspoon was taken into c...
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