Alfredo Aceves Hits the Showers Like Norman Bates
Alfredo Aceves received a vote of confidence in spring training from the Red Sox. They could have dumped his sorry carcass back in a Florida swamp and left him with marshmallows to feed the gators. No, the Red Sox brought him along, a remnant of t...
Read full storyStephen Hawking Has Been Walking for Years, We Just Can't See It
An inside source has revealed that Stephen Hawking, the world renowned theoretical physicist who is confined to a wheelchair, has been "walking for several years now" and claims that the world is just too close-minded to observe it. The sourc...
Read full storyRomanian vagrants accused of defecating on prized London azalea beds
London - "Bloody EU scroungers are sh+++ing all over my ericaceous cultivars," Bryanston Square baronet Major Sir Reginald Pratts-Bottom complained bitterly this morning as news of the outrage went viral; "God knows that sort of dung heap London will...
Read full storyAccident & Emergency
Unfortunately the Prime Minister was unable to attend House of Commons Questions for the sixth week running due to an unavoidable incident. 'I was finding my in growing toe nail on my right foot had become unbearable' Cameron explained 'so I had t...
Read full storyPope Francis - Pesto worse than paedophilia
Chaos reigned on Vatican City last night after The Pope used a televised interview in which he was supposed to be confronting the Catholic Church sex abuse scandal to passionately condemn pesto. When asked how he intended to rebuild The Church an...
Read full storyLAPD car stolen from Central Division station
A LAPD car was stolen earlier today from Central Division station at approximately 9:00am Los Angeles time. Chief Kent McCord of the LAPD has described the incident as 'quite unusual' but pledges that the occupants will be captured 'using as peace...
Read full storyCeltics Look Like Jack the Ripper's Victims
The Celtics are taking on water faster than it can be bailed. If you want to bail out the Celtics, have a miracle sent in from Fatima, Lourdes, or the Mount of Olives. Ask Rajon Rondo to put on his superman suit, replete in green. With the ever...
Read full storyPeaceful Or Happier
Broadland, Norfolk, is said to be the most peaceful local council area in the UK, and Lewisham, London, to be the least; but the tiny Hampshire village of Ower close to Southampton claims to be one of the happiest villages in the UK. The village h...
Read full storySr. Presidente Chavez
Dear RIP Hugo Chaviz I do miss you a lot! Good old days! You, in your jumpsuit, standing on the platform, vigorously shouting, threatening, cursing. Mr. Presidente, 'si no te importa' I've got some questions for you. Remember your 'discurso', speech, at World Water, 2011? You said, "I have always said, heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars, but maybe c...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars - The Boxer Gets Knocked Out
HOLLYWOOD - Week Five of Dancing With The Stars found the dancers strutting their stuff to the sounds of the legendary soul singer Stevie Wonder. Some of the songs that the dancers danced to included "You Are The Sunshine of My Life," "Superstitio...
Read full storyRussell Brand Explains The Erotic Mail He Sent To Selena Gomez
SANTA MONICA - Russell Brand has made no bones about the fact that he still misses his ex-girlfriend Kate Gosselin. Brand recently sat down with Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight and had a very revealing interview. Rusty, as Kate called...
Read full storyHoney Boo Boo, Mike Tyson, and Ringo Starr Appear On The Viagra View
NEW YORK CITY - Larry King and Regis Philbin are as happy as two anteaters at a fire ant convention thanks to the great ratings for their brand new hit talk show The Viagra View. Philbin, 81, recently told Sangria Wine of TV ClickerWorld that he h...
Read full storyKentucky Bans Britney Spears Upskirt Photos
FRANKFORT, Kentucky - The Kentucky State Senate has just voted on a bill that has been hailed as one of the greatest bills to ever be approved in the history of the state. State Senator Audrey Fayella Prissprinti, 49, [R-Paducah], stated that it i...
Read full storyJay-Z and Beyonce Announce Their Brand New Female Product
NEW YORK CITY - Jay-Z recently stated why it is that he sold his interest in the NBA Brooklyn Nets. He said that he wants to dedicate more time to his and Beyonce's newly developed product. The product is called Do Rags For The Sistas. Jay-Z sa...
Read full storyMetta World Peace Wants Kobe Bryant To Tweet - Kobe Says No Way Bro
SAN ANTONIO - Even if most of the sports writers, reporters, and announcers have said that they think Kobe "The Black Mamba" should stop tweeting during the playoffs, one Laker teammate has insisted that he keep it up. Metta World Peace, the angry...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Wants To Visit The United States
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The Rice Paddy Whack National News Agency of North Korea has just issued an official state message that the leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un has said he would like to visit America. The national message was conveyed to Pr...
Read full storyFaith Hill Erupts At The Touchy-Feely Antics of Hubby Tim McGraw and Taylor Swift
NEW ORLEANS - Tim McGraw and Taylor Swift performed together at a concert in the Big Easy's Voodoo Arena. The crowd went wild when the duo launched into their duet titled "Highways Don't Lie - But Back Streets Sure A Shootin' Do." Many in the a...
Read full storyChelsea Handler Denies The Existence of A Tape of Her and Jesse James
WEST HOLLYWOOD - One of the most vulgar women on television, Chelsea Handler has denied the existence of a sex tape in which she is the female participant and Jesse James is the male participant. The 38-year-old talk show host told Bedroom Pillow...
Read full storyNude Britney Spears Bobblehead Dolls Are Being Recalled
CHICAGO - In what is being billed as one of the biggest retail mistakes in the history of the retailing business, millions of Britney Spears Bobblehead Dolls are being recalled. Three of the nation's largest retail stores, the Dilly Dally Retail S...
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