My life as a man #26
Canadian girls ain't at all easy! I've told you readers that when I was a kid growing up in the South, we often sat on the side of the main road through town and sold apple cider, apple brandy, and boiled peanuts to the tourists travelling through West Virginia in route to Florida. Making note of the license plates on the tourist cars was always a fun way to pass the time. Of all the nort...
Read full storyRicky Gervais Exposed As Not Really An Actor - Just Ricky
As the lift doors slide open in the lobby of a London hotel, a short, comical looking figure steps incongruously into a Mêlée of designer-suited businessmen, shakers and movers, deal-makers and well, generally important people. Head down and weari...
Read full storyDonald Trump blames Hurricane Sandy on Black Magic
Donald Trump held a news conference this morning and targeted President Barack Obama and "Black Magic" as the reason for Hurricane Sandy. "Trump: "I have been trying to tell the people of America there is something very dark going on in the White...
Read full storyNottingham man arrested at Nottingham Lidl for laughing out too loud!
Nottingham, UK: In a bizarre incident today an ageing gentleman was arrested at the German supermarket, Lidl, in Nottingham. It seems he was acting like a loony and could not contain himself whilst laughing his bald head off very loudly! Other Eng...
Read full storyRomney Denies Promise Of 72 Virgins To Voters
Like the Taliban promise of 72 virgins to suicide bombers, former Massachusetts Governor Willard Mitt Romney emphatically denied that he promised male voters 72 virgins if they would vote for his ticket. He also denied that he added a caveat to the p...
Read full storyNina Dobrev, Ian Somerhalder and The Breakup Rumblings
KALAMAZOO, Michigan - One of Tinsel Town's happiest couples is Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder who star in The Vampire Diaries. The couple is on location in Kalamazoo, where they are presently filming the motion picture Fifty Shades of Gray. Th...
Read full storyZombies for Romney claims Florida group
OCALA, Florida (ABSNN) - The National Chapter of Zombies USA, or ZUSA, overwhelmingly endorsed Mitt Romney for President today. According to ZUSA officials "our membership voted 6710 to 47 in favor endorsing Mitt Romney over Barack Obama in the upco...
Read full storyG'night All! - Scotland Yard up for sale!
The Metropolitan Police are planning to move from Scotland Yard in a bid to save millions of pounds a year. Deputy Commissioner Hassan Izz-Al-Din said: "I't makes sense innit, at the momemt the lads aint got no Greggs bakers near enuff to the yard...
Read full storySinclair to launch the C6
Sir Clive Sinclair, the inventor and boffin that brought us home computing, rechargeable electric cars and calculators that were allowed in maths exams due their fiendishly complicated interface, is to try again with the rechargeable car. Sinclair is...
Read full storyMike Huckabee: 'You'll burn in hell if you vote Obama!'
COLUMBIA, South Carolina (ABSNN) - In a televised statement, the former governor of this state, and an also-ran, Republican Presidential candidate, and evangelical preacher, Mike Huckabee, told voters today that if they voted for Obama they would go...
Read full storyChina Attempts to Place Value On Human Life; Succeeds
In an effort to combat the ongoing recession, the Chinese government is currently attempting to place a monetary value on life based on earning potential. Preliminary reports have been released with estimates of how much they have determined people t...
Read full storyRomney says Obama used Wiccans to cause Hurricane Sandy!
STUBENVILLE, Ohio (ABSNN) - Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney responded to the devastation left in the wake of Hurricane Sandy by passing out emergency relief supplies in this mid-sized Ohio city today. Romney praised 47% of the American...
Read full storySwiss Bank Discovers Cause of Global Recession
Industry spectators are heralding the end of the current economic recession due to a startling discovery made in the vaults of the prestigious Union Bank in Switzerland; namely, bonds, stocks, gold bullion and cash currencies to the value of CHF 6 tr...
Read full storyRomney hands out two-hundred Happy Meals at devastated New Jersey shore
Mitt Romney flew to the New Jersey shore today with a camera crew and handed out Happy Meals to a crowd of seven hundred hungry and homeless New Jersey residents. According to the traveling press corps Romney realized his largess was more than a...
Read full storyGovernment U Turn on listening to the Public
In August of 2011 David Cameron said that the government would listen to the almost 2m people who signed a petition against road pricing. Just over a year later the government announce plans to introduce rode pricing by 2015. "Look we had to prete...
Read full storyHurricane Sandy Causes The Presidential Election To Be Postponed To December 4
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Representatives for both President Barack Obama and former Governor Mitt Romney have met and have agreed to postpone the presidential election from November 6, to December 4. Both Obama and Romney agreed to the change which was...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars: Sabrina Bryan Gets A Perfect Score and Still Gets Eliminated
HOLLYWOOD - In a decision that has got to go into the all-time "What In The World?" file, Cheetah Girl, Sabrina Bryan and her professional dance partner Louis Van Amstel were the latest all-star couple to be eliminated from Dancing With The Stars.
Read full storyAshton Kutcher's Girlfriend Mila Kunis Says There Is No Baby Bump
BEVERLY HILLS - Mila Kunis and her boyfriend Two and A Half Men star Ashton Kutcher were spotted walking hand-in-hand on Rodeo Drive while singing the hit song "Call Me Maybe." The happy couple engaged in some PDA (public display of affection) jus...
Read full storyTheo Walcott 'wants hat to store his match-balls'
Theo Walcott and his agent are to meet with Arsenal officials this week to discuss a new contract, and rather than asking for more money, they will demand a brand new hat - for Walcott to place his match-balls in. Walcott scored three times - a ha...
Read full storyMan United to drop Mark Clattenburg for Chelsea rematch
Sir Alex Ferguson is planning to rotate his squad around as Manchester United visit Stamford Bridge for the second time in four days for a Capital One League Cup match. Sparks flied as the two teams met on Sunday in the Premier League. Chelsea we...
Read full storyCapital One Cup to introduce handicap system to make games more exciting
The Football League will meet today to decide on implementing a new rule to boost interest in the Capital One sponsored League Cup, which has routinely been dismissed by the big Premier League clubs since the introduction of the Champions League grou...
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