Theo Walcott 'wants hat to store his match-balls'

Funny story written by radiogagger

Wednesday, 31 October 2012

image for Theo Walcott 'wants hat to store his match-balls'
Walcott wants Arsenal to break their hat structure

Theo Walcott and his agent are to meet with Arsenal officials this week to discuss a new contract, and rather than asking for more money, they will demand a brand new hat - for Walcott to place his match-balls in.

Walcott scored three times - a hat-trick in football terms - against Reading in an incredible Capital One Cup tie at the Madjeski Stadium which finished 7-5 to Arsenal after Reading had led 4-0. One of Walcotts goals was actually disputed and may be credited to Carl Jenkinson - meaning Walcott would have to return the ball, but he will argue that he needs a hat for his previously hat-tricks for England (v Croatia in 2008) and Arsenal (v Blackpool in 2010)

An Arsenal insider said "I can't see the club breaking their wage structure and offering Theo a fedora. They may offer him a baseball cap, or a beany, but to be honest a sack, holdall or a plastic container would be more suitable to hold his (match) balls."

Theo's agent told friends "He wants to stay with Arsenal and reach the top (hat) but he is prepared to move on for the right hat."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more