The Metropolitan Police are planning to move from Scotland Yard in a bid to save millions of pounds a year.
Deputy Commissioner Hassan Izz-Al-Din said: "I't makes sense innit, at the momemt the lads aint got no Greggs bakers near enuff to the yard. So of course, they's jumping in the cars and tearing down the road in order to gets their favourite grub all of which can takes hours.
"What wiv todays petrol prices innit and the Yard pretty much understaffed most of any 24 hours we was finking WTF, lets close it down and save a few nicker like.
"Meanwhile, that tosser, Do-nuffink-Dave and his motely crew are telling us to cut a further £500 million nicker off the annual budget like, so me an a few of the uvver higher ranking lads thought it a good time to have a good slash!
"We's all bin googling 24/7 like demented zombies lately and have drawn up a detailed list showing the location of all the Greggs bakery outlets in North, Sarf, East and West London.
"The result of our enquiries has led us to believe that we can easily close down loads of Police Stations and relocate small 'desks' within the numerous Greggs outlets, simples innit and cost effective to boot.
"We can now have two lads standing behind the counter assisting staff with their daily duties and in return they can have a sarnie or 'ot meat pie free and gratis.
"Furthermore, we can keep an eye on any suspicious looking plebs who come into the shop and if necessary, nab 'em at source, always assuming like they aint too hard case!
If anyone wants to report a serious crime then all they have to do is nip down to their nearest bakery for assistance and a small cut loaf.
"In the meantime we are taking tenders for the yard and both McDonalds and KFC have shown great interest. As for the assorted suburban stations, to date we have had a good response from Tesco who are seeking more 'metro' outlets, mind you both Poundland and the 99p shop have also shown great interest".
Sky TV News cougar Kay Burley adores men with fresh, large batons...ooh-la-la!!
