The Man that invented the wheel
Angle Welt was an ordinary man he ruled his cave and the big boulder outside the entrance With a fist of wood, yet something eluded him. Try as he might, he could not think what it was. One morning while sitting outside the cave scraping his nuts, he noticed a Dung Beetle rolling a huge Richard along the path. This he thought, was a message from whatever thing it was that made the green stuff...
Read full storyRock Band Phish to Tour as Barbershop Quartet
NY - Scalpers, get your automatic dialing machines ready! Legendary psychedelic Rock band, Phish, announced on Tuesday that they will hit the road as A Barbershop Quartet for their 2013 Summer Tour. Pete Estring, of the jamband world's, Really Long Song Magazine, sat down for an interview with Phish's front man, Trey Anastasio. Here's a snippet of their conversation. Really Long Song Magazine:...
Read full storyCoach Bill Belichick Trusts Pony Express for News
New England coach Bill Belichick held a press conference and announced he had not heard anything about Rob Gronkowski (his star tight end having broken a forearm). The Gronk, as he is affectionately known, had surgery at Mass. General Hospital ea...
Read full storyBody under Leicester parking lot not Richard III's: It's Jimmy Hoffa's!
LEICESTER, England (ABSNN) - A whole lot of people who believed the male skeleton found beneath a parking lot in this English city was King Richard III, who was slain during the War of the Roses, an English Civil War, were disappointed when DNA testi...
Read full storyPrince Charles To Star In New Film
The Prince of Wales has landed his latest film role. The 64-year-old HRH is set to play Chachi Windsor, the younger cousin of Fonzie, in the forthcoming Happy Days movie. He is said to have wowed studio bosses with his portrayal of Charlie Carb...
Read full storyTank Engine Drivers Describe 'Living Engine' Nightmare on Island of Sodor
The National Institute of Tank Engine Drivers has revealed today that a number of their members have refused to work on the small island of Sodor following complaints that some Tank Engines appear to have 'minds of their own'. It isn't the first t...
Read full storyRomney and Ryan Hit The Road Again..... For Music Tour
Presidential candidate Mitt "Ragtime" Romney and his VP running mate Paul "Slowhand" Ryan are once again jumping in the bus and heading out onto the highways of the United States of America. However, what is more surprising, is that this time they...
Read full storyScousers descended from Missing Link new survey says
Liverpool - Cretinaceous Era ne'er-do-well nomads first settled in Sefton's Lunt Meadows circa 5,800 BC according to a new report tracing human/alien hybrid habitits - er...habitats! - north of the Watford Gap. Consultant archaeologist Prof Doug T...
Read full story"Kiss It Better" Insurance Policy Unveiled
Following the huge success of the personal injury lawyers advert where former average tennis player and T.V host Andrew Castle patronisingly claims that "sometimes sorry makes everything okay," one of the UK's leading personal injury lawyers has devi...
Read full storyMark Hughes Admits Incredible Dislike for QPR Players
In a shocking moment of honesty during a BBC interview, Mark Hughes has revealed his incredible dislike for his QPR players. During the interview, following a question about morale in the dressing room, Hughes sighed and said "I don't care. Do you...
Read full storyEbay and Facebook Announce Merger
It appears that Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg has finally found a way to make profits from the his social networking site following the recent decreases in its share price. The site, which now has over 1 billion active users, will immediately c...
Read full storyDrunken Aussie idiot mistakes croc for a roo!
An Australian clown who was blind drunk went out looking for a ride on a "roo" and ended up in the zoo (That rhymes). Being blind and drunk he jumped over the first fence available hoping to find a suitable "roo" to ride but mistakingly leapt on to t...
Read full storyCole Hole Gang Uproar!
The world famous Cole Hole Gang was in hiding today when it emerged that one of their members has been exposed as an upper class twit from West Sussex. Clive Danton, one of the longest, but shortest members of the gang was distraught when we caug...
Read full storyChris Brown Punches Himself in Neck Tattoo at AMA's
Los Angeles, CA - Last night at the American Music Awards, many witnessed a very bizarre scene backstage shortly after the show ended. Chris Brown, notorious for beating up his girlfriend, singer Rihanna, was seen repeatedly punching himself in hi...
Read full storyRobert De Niro Heartbroken After He Is Snubbed By Jay-Z
Tribeca neighbors, Robert De Niro and Jay-Z allegedly had a heated verbal exchange at a recent birthday party for Leonardo DiCaprio, resulting in De Niro's bottom lip wobbling on several occasions and ending with him staring into space before asking...
Read full storyDangerous Stupid Levels Found In NYC Water
The most recent quarterly testing of New York City's water supply revealed dangerous levels of stupid in the city's water - over eighteen times the permissible levels, even by New York's lenient stupid standards (New York is second only to Georgia in...
Read full storyBroken Dreams for Gronk Foretold and Forearmed?
Rob Gronkowski has broken his forearm during a game while his team was cruising forevermore to 59 points in victory, and now Gronk's fortune breaks the resolve of Patriot fans. We can only tell Patriot fans to smile, though your heart is breaking.
Read full storyDirector of news pleads with staff to stop leaks
The latest head of the BBC News operation has begun her new regime by attempting to stop the flow of leaks in the new building. Fran Tick, acting director, pleaded with colleagues not to contribute to the wave which is threatening to engulf the or...
Read full storyIncrease in number of officers to be probed
The number of police officers waiting to be examined in doctors' surgeries is set to reach at least 44,000 from 20 forces. During recent years there has been a massive increase in rates of prostate problems in police forces throughout the U.K.
Read full storyTwitter Birdie Admits Hacking Emails, May Be Recruited by FBI
It's a bird...it's a plane...no, it's a bird all right. One nosy bird, that's for sure. Last night she finally came clean and admitted that she's been doing much more than delivering tweets. She's been hacking the email of tweeters, claiming that...
Read full storyDina Lohan Looks Younger Than Her Daughter Lindsay
NEW YORK CITY - Many would agree that the Lohan family is perhaps one of the most dysfunctional family's east or west of the Mississippi River. Lindsay, who has been nicknamed "The Roller Coaster" by Jill Biden, wife of Vice-President Joe Biden, k...
Read full storyLady Gaga Apologizes For Her Marijuana Plant Costume
BROOKLYN - Lady Gaga and a member of her band were having drinks at The Plastered Platypus Lounge, which reportedly is Kelly Ripa's favorite New York City night club. Gaga has been criticized by several members of the entertainment press for the c...
Read full storyRomney 2016 plan surfaces
Washington DC - In an odd bit of leakage from the side that lost the election, it has been revealed how Mitt will win the 2016 election. His new spokesperson, the deaf, dumb, and blind Mr. C. Noeveel, has revealed at a press conference this aftern...
Read full storyRomney rejects what he said whatever it was
Washington DC - In a desparate attempt to avoid banishment and deportation, Romney has switched his position once again. Rather than spouting "I stand by what I said what ever it was", he is saying "I reject what I said what ever it was." Other s...
Read full storyMan Named Cliff Fiscal Goes Off the Deep End at DMV.
Cleveland, OH - When you think you are having a bad day, be glad that you aren't one of those people who have a funny name, like Harry Balls or Suzy Blows. Clifford "Cliff" Fiscal (38), who lives just outside Cleveland, was a person who didn't kno...
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