Halifax to change its name
Halifax, the post industrial town that sits near Huddersfield and Leeds on the M62, has applied to have its name changed. "Halifax is so last century," said town Mayor, Keith Bottlebottom. "We need a name for the twenty-first century." Halifax...
Read full storyDorking Man Ali Baba and the 'Forty Sleeves' win International Design Award
Dorking Kebab shop owner Ali Baba today told of his pride at winning an award for his 'Family Octopus Jumper'. Baba, 43, who has owned the Kebab shop in Dorking High St for 6 years, keeps pet octopuses at his family home, but told how they suffere...
Read full storyDorking man sells fax machine
Ali Baba, owner of Dorking Kebab House on Dorking High St, announced today that he will be selling his fax machine as he discovered the only other owner of a fax machine in the United Kingdom lived in the flat above his shop. Mr Baba, 43, has owne...
Read full storyWell-spoken grandmother in multi-million pound hat makes speech about cutting back
A well-spoken and well-preserved grandmother, Mrs Elizabeth Windsor, made a speech earlier this week in which she suggested that her colleagues, or, as she prefers to call them, "subjects" should cut back on the excesses of modern living and save for...
Read full storyPentagon pain ray to be deployed at London 2012 Olympics
London - One zap at the gonads and any future chances of fatherhood rapidly diminish to approximately 100/1. Today's unveiling aboard HMS Ocean confirms the Pentagon's legendary sonic blaster will be deployed during the Games to keep the peace.
Read full story2012 Lobsterfest Yields Lowest Death Toll in Years
Orlando, FL - Representatives of the Pink Lobster restaurant chain announced today that this year's Lobsterfest promotion has resulted in the lowest death toll in nearly two decades, with reported casualties hovering around a paltry 1,650. The p...
Read full storyWall Street's IQ Plunges Below 70, Triggering A 'Too Dumb To Fall' Bailout
New York City - The collective IQ of Wall Street executives has dropped below the mental retardation level for the first time ever, prompting the Federal Reserve to impose the "too dumb to fall" provisions of the Barney Frank Act. Implementing a s...
Read full storyMitt Romney Reveals He Was Ruthlessly Bullied in School
Admits receiving an atomic wedgie that turned him into bully Mitt Romney is fighting back against his political attackers saying he became a bully only after being a victim of bullying himself. Romney says he felt he had to address the stories bei...
Read full storyRomney proposes giant midget toss at GOP convention gala!
Mitt Romney, apparently operating on a whim, called a press conference late yesterday to announce plans for the GOP convention in Tampa this summer. His staff was unaware of his plans according to a staff member speaking on condition of anonymity.
Read full storySir Alex Ferguson converts to Catholicism, it's his last hope, Amen!
Sir Alex Ferguson has been dropping to his knees over the last few days hoping that and interventionist god would hear his prayers for Sunday. SAF, used to be a staunch Glaswegian protestant, but their god could not help so he swapped over to the Cat...
Read full storyNew Dementia Found
The NHS is preparing for victims of a new form of Dementia which not only causes memory loss but results in a complete lack of any moral standards. It is call Murdocophobia and the start of the disease has been established as being in Wapping, Eas...
Read full storyA Tourist Guide To France…
For those of you who may be travelling to France for the first time this Summer, the Spoofs travel reporter Justin Case tells you what to expect. General overview: France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though nowhere as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland and some smaller n...
Read full storyLady Gaga Agrees To Star In Her Own Reality Show Called, "Okay So What Does My Dress Smell Like?"
NEW YORK CITY - Lady Gaga took a self-imposed vow of silence back in March and stated that she would no longer be talking to any members of the entertainment media even if they offered her money. She revealed at the time that the reason was simply...
Read full storyBrad Pitt's Problem
Brad Pitt has been unveiled as the new face for women's perfume Channel NO 5. Brad decided to sell off a little more of his credibility to another soulless brand after he realised Angelina had his balls mounted on the wall of her trophy room and he remembered he was in fact a bitch. Brad had tried to fool the men in the world into thinking he was a real man by growing a beard and getting caught sm...
Read full storyPremier League to investigate Man United's 14-0 win at Sunderland
The Premier League have promised a swift and concise investigation into Man United's record breaking win at Sunderland on Sunday which secured them the Premier Ship title on goal difference. The investigation was welcomed by Betfarce and other onl...
Read full storyIn The Animal Kingdom Doin' The Big Nasty Can Be Nasty
Human beings appear to be the only creatures that can have sex sheerly out of pleasure. The animals seem to do it mostly as a matter of course. I mean, can you imagine a lobster having pleasure out of intercourse? Or a walrus? In fact, with a lot of our fellow earth dwellers you wonder how they can even mate at all due the the difficulty of their embodiments or the ugliness of their partners. Stil...
Read full storyNew Irish budget airline launched with new mottos and plenty of fee-paying extras
A new budget Irish airline has been launched that plans to compete with other existing budget Irish airlines. Called RyeandHair Underground Airways (not to be in any way confused with other Irish airlines of a similar name such as Aer Lingus or Ai...
Read full storyAuthorities seeking rescue of Olympic torchbearer
Athens, Greece. The Olympic torch was ignited here today and the epic journey to London was initiated, however, it was no sooner on the Greek bye ways when a gang of Romany gypsies way laid one of the torch bearers, kidnapping him and his sacred flam...
Read full storyRomney To Buy Wife Ann a Clothes Washer for Mother's Day
Likely Teapublican presidential candidate Mitt Romney revealed that he will be purchasing a new clothes washer for wife Ann this week. "I think it's the ideal gift for a stay-at-home mom like Ann," said Romney during a break from the campaign trail.
Read full storyTony 'London Whale' Blair blamed for JP Morgan $2bn trading losses
London - The daft old tosspot is the US bank's top gambling tipster advising on a range of international whorseracing punts. This weekend he's being fingered by his rum 'Captain' Morgan bosses for the biggest trading losses in the bank's entire hy...
Read full storyExecutive order mandates socialized canines
WASHINGTON DC - Congress was bypassed on yet another front this morning as the President signed an executive order, number K9666, requiring all dogs in the United States be socialized. As the President signed the order, sporting a bandage on his l...
Read full storyBody in bag spy disliked MI6 'being padlocked inside a holdall' culture
The spy found dead in a padlocked holdall hated the 'flash sports bag' and 'leathery confinement' culture of the MI6, according to reports. Gareth Williams, 31, told his sister, Ceri Subbe, he wanted to leave London because it smelt of rats' piss...
Read full storyRondo Overexposed by Blow Up
The best way to force Rajon Rondo to become a whirling dervish on the court is to make all the Atlanta Hawk players come out onto the court while holding video cameras. The Celtics looked sluggish and ready to be sent to the darkroom with a fistf...
Read full storyNiall Ferguson To Present Reith Lectures - Good On Yer Says Lucid
Economic historian Niall Ferguson has been chosen by the BBC to give the 2012 Reith Lectures. The lecture series titled The Rule of Law and its Enemies will explore the influence of man-made institutions on global economic growth and democracy.
Read full storyLooking Up "Josh Beckett" in the Dictionary
Our trusty photo dictionary has become a great deal less helpful than last year's Wikipedia. Every time we lookup a difficult word, we see the picture of a Boston sports star. Just last night, we were compelled to take a look again at some of our...
Read full storyPotatoes usher in the next age of computing
Potatoes may not seem the most technological of food stuffs, with aubergines seeming more advanced, but a breakthrough at the University of Manchester's Institute of Science and Technology has propelled the humble spud into the limelight of technolog...
Read full storyGreat British Menu Chefs Told To Clean Up Their Act, Get A Shave!
Chefs competing to cook at a banquet for Great Britain's Olympians should clean up their act, says a cookery expert. In the BBC's Great British Menu chefs have been competing in regional heats, hoping to go through to their weekly final and eventu...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Is Now Down To The Final Three As Hollie "The Little Dolly" Cavanaugh Is Eliminated
HOLLYWOOD - Jennifer Lopez, 42, just about stole the show as she performed on American Idol along with her 25-year-old boy-toy Caspar Smart. J.Lo rocked the house and had fellow judge Steven "Lips" Tyler doing his best to keep his tongue in his mo...
Read full storyJohnny Depp Says He Had So Much Fun Filming "Dark Shadows" With Michelle Pfeiffer That He Almost Gave Back His Entire Salary
HOLLYWOOD - Johnny Depp has appeared in a total of 35 movies including Fear, Loathing, and Losing In Las Vegas, Twice Upon A Time In Mexico, Edward Scissorhands and the sequel Edward Plierfeet. The native of Kentucky stated on The View that if he...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Is Upset At Reports That Boyfriend Russell Brand Misses Ex-Wife Katy Perry
WATERLOO, Iowa - Kate Gosselin was in Waterloo on a book signing tour promoting her latest book My Hell On Dancing With The Stars and How It Made A Better Woman, Mother, and Lover Out Of Me [Full Court Press - $19.98]. Gosselin, 37, was asked abou...
Read full storyLittle Divot Man Facing Child Labour Charges
The once sleepy village of Little Divot has yet again been rocked by even more shocking criminality. After a recent attempted armed robbery at the local post office and a drug heist on Marrakech Avenue, the village will now have to come to terms w...
Read full storyUnderwear Outed by U.S. Law; Madonna Approves
Citing increased concerns about threats posed by underwear bombers, the U.S. Congress passed a new law this week: Americans must wear underwear OUTSIDE clothes. Hiding it is no longer an option. The new law has received mixed reviews. Enterta...
Read full storyRomney Revealed to be Bully From the Karate Kid
Today he is known as the lovable robot programmed to take every conceivable policy position, but forty seven years ago, the Washington Post revealed today, Mitt Romney was also a bit of a douche. In his prep school days, the presumptive GOP nomi...
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