Tony 'London Whale' Blair blamed for JP Morgan $2bn trading losses

Funny story written by queen mudder

Friday, 11 May 2012

image for Tony 'London Whale' Blair blamed for JP Morgan $2bn trading losses
'Dun' deal with JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon-Jubilee

London - The daft old tosspot is the US bank's top gambling tipster advising on a range of international whorseracing punts.

This weekend he's being fingered by his rum 'Captain' Morgan bosses for the biggest trading losses in the bank's entire hystery.

Mostly concerning the Kentucky Derby, the royal wedding and Rupert Murdoch stuff.

Hole-in-the-Wall-Street sources said at lunchtime on Friday that Blair [code name 'London Whale'] 'had amassed an outsized position' which their own 'George Bushy' hedge funds were betting against.

Those speculative privet placements have lost a cool $2bn, freaking out JP Morgan shareholders and its executive board.

A statement from CEO Jamie Dimon-Jubilee's orifice has warned of coming worse losses as freaked directors demand Blair's scalp.

Shares in the New York giant have fallen 5% wiping $10 billion off the bank's market value as shocked investors fear another Bear Stearns lemon.

Blair's annual banking salary is around fifteen million quid.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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