Lynton, Erskin and Inchcock. The Race. Part Two
At ten minutes past nine, Skoob and C.J. were nowhere to be seen, they had hobbled off into the park. Lynton, Erskin and Inchcock, made ready for the race, they ordered another cup of tea, and sent Clive to purchase some waterproof coats and hats. Clive began to doubt they would ever leave the tea kiosk. On his return, Clive handed out the clothing and placed the tea cups on the table. "F...
Read full storyPresident Obama: "I will not seek a second term"
In a move that has stunned America, President Barack Obama has announced that he will not compete in November's Presidential election for a second term as leader of the free world, claiming he has better things to do with his time. Instead, he is...
Read full storyRoman Abramovich decides on new Chelsea manager
Roman Abramovich shocked the world of football today by announcing that he would do the job of Chelsea manager himself. After sacking young pup Andre Villas-Boas on sunday after a 1-0 defeat at West Bromwich Albion, the media immediately threw the...
Read full storyColorado Says College Students on Campus Can Carry Guns - One Professor Remarks "Okay, Every Student Attending My Classes Will Now Get A Passing Grade No Matter What"
DURANGO, Colorado - Students at Durango Junior College were jumping up and down with joy when they learned that a state judge had issued a ruling that students at Colorado colleges and universities will now be allowed to carry handguns on campus.
Read full storyPatricia Heaton Denies That She Is Having An Affair With Rush Limbaugh
LOS ANGELES - Apparently actress Patricia Heaton, who appears as Frankie Heck the dysfunctional, horrible housekeeper of a mother on the sitcom The Middle, thinks that people care about what she has to say in the political arena. That sentiment wa...
Read full storyPols pander to pig values - voters needs no big tent
Recent video clips show sparsely attended Republican Party presidential primary campaign rallies in oversized venues. Rather than broaden its base, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus said today the party was achieving its goal of becoming a "small tent"...
Read full storyChicken nugget sold for $8100,00 on E Bay was a fake!
A chicken nugget sold for the above amount has been identified as a fake. The original George Washington look-alike nugget was thrown to the owners dog 3 years ago, it burped after swallowing it. After the owner realised how stupid she was, she carve...
Read full storyEx-Redskin Player Says He Was Offered $25,000 To Disable Peyton Manning, Tony Romo!
A former football middle linebacker told the press today that he and other players on the team were offered cash bonuses to knock key players on the other teams out of the game and out for the season if possible. Although he would only talk to two...
Read full storyTaylor Swift abducted by aliens...May be Probed!
ZOGDAMN, MARZ (ABSNN) -- Country music sweetheart Taylor Swift became the latest celebrity to be abducted by the now infamous skoob1999. an alien from the planet Marz. Swift disappeared Tuesday evening according to her mother. "She left this note...
Read full storySchoolboard orders boy with penises on each hand to wear condoms to school!
HOG JAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- Delbert Clodfelter, 16, is not like the other boys at his high school. Delbert doesn't play football, cannot dribble a basketball, cannot throw a curve ball, although he does play a little soccer (not a real boys game in...
Read full storyArrested LulzSec hacker : the Cathar connection
New York - An unemployed 28 year-old Puerto Rican from New York known by his hacking screen name 'Sabu' may be descended from a famous French dynasty that gave its name to a Cathar fortress. Hector Xavier Monsegur has been charged with 12 counts o...
Read full storySabu Uncovered - Computer Hacker's true Identity Revealed
The most ingenious computer hacker in the history of the world has tonight been revealed as a political figure who strikes fear at the heart of all Tories, and laughs in the face of the Lib Dems. Yes, that's right, Sabu has been revealed as Ed M...
Read full storyBibi Netanyahu Talks To Dr. Billingsgate
BILLINGSGATE POST - After speaking before the American Israel Public Action Committee (AIRPAC) last night in Washington, Bibi Netanyahu sat down with Dr. Billingsgate to discuss his speech and his meeting that morning with President Barack Hussein Obama: Dr. B: Mr. Prime Minister, may I call you Bibi? Bibi: Of course, of course. It is my privilege. Dr. B: Thank you. In your brilliant...
Read full storyLimbaugh's Controversial Show May be Saved with New Sponsors
With current sponsors running away from Rush Limbaugh thanks to his latest flap unfairly targeting one woman who appeared in front of congress, Rush Limbaugh's publicist is running just as fast to find a new series of sponsors. Without many option...
Read full storyJanuary 4th 1912 'Fool' Moon blamed for Titanic sinking
North Atlantic - In an early example of global warming conspiracy theorists today blamed the January 1912 Cancer Fool Moon for the Titanic's maiden voyage tragedy. The lunation sucked up a massive swell of tidal plankton and spawning lobster that...
Read full storyGlenn Beck Comes to the Aid of Rush Limbaugh
Former Fox News Channel host Glenn Beck knows what it is to fall like a boulder from grace for simply uttering his personal opinions about someone. Getting canned from a gravy job with Fox News Channel was just the beginning of a decline in popularit...
Read full storyOMG! Prince Andrew 'is Lord Lucan's son'
London - The Queen was left looking grimly po-faced as news of the deception spread this morning confirming Foreign Orifice DNA results of a direct hit between the missing Irish peer and Prince Andrew, Duke of York. The royal cuckoo became a Palac...
Read full storyWes Welker Plays Tag Football with Tom Brady
We are not sure if the New England Patriots are playing "Tag" or "Chicken." They seem to be daring Wes Welker to make the play-or cut and run to another team. Leave it to your Patriot front office to claim they love Welker. The Krafts just want...
Read full storyBombing for Peace
'The only way to get Peace is to go to War' announced a world leader who has asked not to be named, in case someone decides to bump him off. This was capped by George Unwell who remarked that 'War is Peace', explaining how peaceful the world would be after a everyone had disappeared in a cloud of dust. 'Cockroaches could thrive and no one would be able to step on them' he cried triumphantly.
Read full storyLesbian Porn Audio Played Instead Of Macedonian National Anthem At Australian Neo-Nazi Festival
A blunder at a pan-European Australian Neo-Nazi festival has left hundreds of Neo-Nazis stunned. The 70 000 Neo-Nazis at the festival, hosted at the Geelong Adventure Park to celebrate Adolf Hitler's birthday, were standing to attention to the nat...
Read full storyVampires employed as Traffic Wardens
Several councils across the UK have taken to employing vampires as traffic wardens after a successful trial period in Altrincham, Cheshire. "Wampires make wery good traffic vardens," said Altrincham's councillor, Vlad Le Impaler. "They vork tventy...
Read full storyBritain's last crumpet factory closes
There was wailing on the streets of Bradford as Kingsburton closed the last crumpet factory operating in Britain. "We have been making crumpets in Bradford for nearly four hundred years," said Kingsburton spokesman, Hillary Hovis. "Unfortunately,...
Read full storyUniversity Challenge: Manchester Too Tasty For Worcester Sauce.
Oh dear! What shame! This was a mouth-watering prospect - two of the most entertaining sides in the competition squaring up for a cracking semi-final. But what a let-down. Well, to be perfectly fair, Manchester were entertaining, as well as sharp. But poor old Worcester simply never got going... the score was already a daunting 115-0 before they managed to get to the starter-for-ten buzze...
Read full storyCoup d'etat Planned in a "New Style"
YOUTALKINGTO, ME (Civic Welfare Quicknews)-- A coup d'etat is planned by some military officers due to an increasing number of crimes related to religious intolerance, according to Senator Youcant Seeme during an interview in Civic Welfare Network's...
Read full storyKim Kardashian, Denzel Washington, and Ron Jeremy To Star In "Oops - The Rush Limbaugh Story"
LOS ANGELES - Pipe Dream Films in association with TouchRock Productions will soon begin filming on Sheboygan Saddlewood's Oops - The Rush Limbaugh Story. The motion picture will star the world's most famous porn star Ron Jeremy in the role of GOP...
Read full storyPrice of Cooking Oil Increases This Week
Prices of various brands of cooking oil were expected to increase starting this week. The companies Kiba Shale and Princess Resurrection Chap'rone increased their cooking gas by $1.50 per liter and cooking diesel by $0.75 per liter. According t...
Read full storyDemi Moore Has Returned From Rehab and She Looks A Little Bit Better But Not Much
LOS ANGELES - Demi Moore, one of Tinsel Town's most famous "Cougars" was met at LAX Airport by one of her three non-celebrity looking daughters. She quickly picked up her luggage and got into the family's SUV and drove off to her home in the Holly...
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