Monday's eclipsed Strawberry Full Moon shocker
London - The eclipsed Sagittarius Full Moon promises to drive people bonkers with a compulsory extra day's holiday and other Government bollox. Astrologers call it the Strawberry Fool Moon on account of supermarket scams to make shoppers cough up...
Read full storyHarry and William sang different words to God Save the Queen at the Diamond Jubilee
Prince Harry and Prince William did not sing the traditional words to the National Anthem during the Diamond Jubilee finale. Expert Lip readers were brought in to attempt to work out what they were singing. "We think they were singing something ab...
Read full storyJam recycling: A surprising success
Bed and Breakfasts across the country have signed up to the new Jam Recycling Scheme in their hundreds, and now the scheme is beginning to pay dividends. "The Jam Recycling Scheme is amazing," said Beryl Braithwate, owner of the Sunset View in Amb...
Read full storyPrince Philip Finally Declared A National Treasure
It's been a long time coming, but Prince Philip has finally been declared a 'National Treasure' following his outstanding performance at the Diamond Jubilee Pageant. Where it pissed down all day. The 90 year old consort to HRH - who hitherto ha...
Read full storyMissouri Cows Infect Two Iowa Bulls with a STD
Des Moines, Iowa -- Two Iowa bulls have been diagnosed with a venereal disease after a wild night of partying across the state line in Missouri. Iowa agricultural officials have placed the two hapless bulls under quarantine after they tested posit...
Read full storyCern decide that the 'God' particle will be found by end of year
'Scientists' from CERN have decided that they will have found proof of the so called 'God' particle by the end of the year. Just before the money pit closes for refurbishment. The Higgs boson, which has absolutely nothing to do with religion, was...
Read full storyMerkel to push German borders over Europe
CHANTILLY VA - According to our mole at the Build-a-bugger conference, Angela Merkel has agreed to extend the borders of Germany over the entire Euro-zone. "We have some old maps in our files that we can place on the table. We would hate to waste...
Read full story'Mammaries Are Made Of This' as Kate resorts to push-up bra
London - The 1956 Dean Martin hit was heard playing on a Thames fishing smack at Chelsea Harbour this afternoon as Kate showcased yet another frumpy, post menopausal-looking ensemble. "Looks like she's stuffed loads of toilet paper inside an under...
Read full storyThe Four Suspended New Orleans Saints Players Blame "BountyGate" On President Obama
NEW ORLEANS - Two of the four suspended "BountyGate" players on the NFL New Orleans Saints team recently met for dinner at the luxurious Hotel Ooh La La on Bourbon Street. Linebacker Jonathan "Bam-Bam" Vilma, who received a one year suspension, di...
Read full storyDiamond Jubilee Pageant - Pippa Middleton Keeps Her Bum Firmly Under Wraps
Anyone expecting a repeat of last year's Royal Wedding controversy - when Pippa Middleton's bottom completely stole the show - found only crushing disappointment as today's Diamond Jubilee Pageant passed peacefully off in the pouring rain, with nary...
Read full storyQueen Falls Overboard During Diamond Jubilee River Pageant!
The Queen narrowly escaped death this afternoon when falling overboard from the Thames cruiser Spirit of Chartwell during today's Royal Jubilee river pageant. The incident occurred as the boat, converted into a barge for the day, went underneath...
Read full storyGOP: Millions in tax breaks for puppy mills!
The GOP House of Representatives passed legislation on Friday granting millions of dollars in tax breaks for puppy mill owners. John Boehner Speaker of the House stated, "It is time for these hard working folks to be recognized for their contribu...
Read full storyThe Dead Who Has Died Disturbed Stalks The Earth For Dick Cheney- A Horror Story
There are levels of Hell that even Dante did not know. Hells that are not bright and hot but with an icy cold that freezes thought itself. Hells of place, of emotion, of mind, of other people. And there are places on earth where these Hells break to the surface and there manifest. There are types of the undead that have never been written of We know of vampires and werewolves and polterge...
Read full storyAbramovich to Manage Chelsea
Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich today admitted defeat in his search for a decent manager for his ailing club. The normally reticent Mr. Abramovich made a preliminary statement that he was able to speak today as had recently undergone a week's crash...
Read full storyEric Clapton Eats Wee Jimmy Krankie
Tributes were pouring in last night following unexpected events in the world of Wee Jimmy Krankie. According to reports, it is understood that eight-year-old Wee Jimmy was mistaken for a sausage roll and then eaten by guitar legend Eric Clapton at...
Read full storyGod boycotts Diamond Jubilee!
God has refused to attend the Queens Diamond Jubilee celebrations, he was too busy mending his garden fence in heaven because the Devil sent an army of cockroaches to dig up his front lawn (there are no moles in Gods heaven only the UK parliament) an...
Read full storySycophantic Grovelling By TV Presenters Sees Hospital A & E Admissions Soar Across London
A&E departments across the capital have reported a surge in admissions today as a steady stream of TV correspondents appear to be signing themselves in for treatment; suffering from a new and worrying illness, brought on by The Diamond Jubilee,...
Read full storyEuro 2012: Roy Hodgson predicts England success
Master tactician Roy Hodgson, the new England manager, today confidentially predicted that England can go all the way and win Euro 2012 - and he even predicted the scores in the group and knockout stages. Hodgson spoke to us exclusively last nigh...
Read full storyLawyers plan Warsi 'accident'
Baroness Warsi, 'bent' Conservative Party Chairperson, was to be run over by a train near Harrow-in-the-Hill, under the instruction of her lawyers - a newspaper claimed today. The Warsi defence team had been left reeling after the latest curry cor...
Read full storyTwo Police Divers Missing Overnight Conducting Jubilee Pageant Security Duties
Although details remain somewhat sketchy at the moment, it appears reasonably certain that two police divers, conducting underwater security operations ahead of the Diamond Jubilee Pageant went missing last night in the vicinity of Tower Bridge. W...
Read full storyArizona Immediately Bans All Green Lantern Bobblehead Dolls After The Super Hero Announces He's Gay
PHOENIX - In a move that has surprised many fans of The Green Lantern, the state of Arizona has banned the sale of all Green Lantern Bobblehead Dolls. According to Taffeta Kixx with the iRumors News Agency, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer has just sig...
Read full storyGSA Worker Buys Bolivia with Money Obtained from Falsified Expense Reports
Using a large portion of the 6 billion dollars that he obtained by filing false travel expense reports, work at home GSA employee, John Jerkoff, bought the country of Bolivia for 5 billion dollars. Reaction from the world's nations was one of shock,...
Read full storyBritney Spears defends George Zimmerman
Britney Spears has come to the defense of George Zimmerman. Spears has inserted herself into the debate surrounding the problems experienced by Trayvon Martin. "I want to become the public face of George Zimmerman, because I'm a good ol' girl from...
Read full storyRacism and Homophobia: What's The Problem? Ukraine Speaks Out
The government of Ukraine hit back at concerned critics today defending perceived racism and homophobia among its citizens as "harmless horseplay and banter". At a hastily convened press conference for the international media intended as a damage...
Read full storyPittsburgh Pig Wearing a Scarf Seen on Roadway
People gawked. Cellphones were whipped out, and photos snapped. Totally unimpressed, the pig, wearing a bright red calico scarf around his neck, continued onward to his destination. Later in the day, a Spoof reporter, expert in the language of...
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