Des Moines, Iowa -- Two Iowa bulls have been diagnosed with a venereal disease after a wild night of partying across the state line in Missouri.
Iowa agricultural officials have placed the two hapless bulls under quarantine after they tested positive for the sexually transmitted disease, bovine trichomoniasis. While there are over 200 reported cases in Missouri, these are the first known cases in Iowa.
Trichomoniasis is caused by a microbe called Tritrichomonas foetus (a flagellate protozoan parasite) which lives in the reproductive tracts of both bulls and cows and is equally transmissible. It primarily causes early pregnancy loss in females. Bulls, however, are not so lucky. Veternarians normally recommend that they be culled from the herd and sent for slaughter since there is no totally effective vaccine available for them.
Concerned animal rights activists in southern Iowa have decided to launch a campaign advocating safe sex education for cattle. "We feel that a more appropriate response to this problem is to inform all boy cows about the proper use of a condom. We are hoping the Iowa legislature will fund our program to distribute safe sex literature and films to bovines," said the organizations's spokesperson, Stacey Braindead.
So, Iowa bulls if you're planning to party with a skank from Missouri, use a condom. No nookie can be worth the slaughter house.