Psychopathic Sheep Menace West Yorkshire Chips N Gravy Campaigner
Taciturn Yorkshireman, Ken Mither, of Cleckhuddersfax was recovering quietly at home today after being menaced by a rampaging flock of psychopathic sheep at the Scrag End bus stop in the West End of the town. The incident happened shortly before l...
Read full storyEighties Pop Sensation To Make Comeback
Former star of Aussie soap opera 'Son's and Neighbours', and one time heart-throb, Ringo Dingo, is to release a new album after 23 years in the musical wilderness. Dingo, 45, best remembered for his 1986 smash hit, 'Pat Sharp's Mullet', said he pl...
Read full storyGreece accuse Germany of being Nazis so Merkel sent a squadron of Stukas to Athens to prove the point!
Instead of accepting the fact that the Greek government, it's civil service, financial fraternity and public services are completely corrupt, the Greeks have decided to verbally bite off the hand that could eventually feed them, Germany. The Germa...
Read full storyGetting High In 1932 (Bluegrass #4)
Getting High In 1932 (Bluegrass #4) 1932, Goosey Holler, Kentucky Harold & Lester hear some big news. "Harold, Effie done told me that Uncle Pete's got some sody pop in at his store. Wanna go try one?" "Shore! But what if we get addled?" "I don't think they're THAT strong. Come on. I got ten cents burnin' a hole in my pocket." Harold and Lester make the 30-foot walk to Pete'...
Read full storyNew Government Scheme Will Create Millions Of Jobs!
A new government jobs creation scheme is to be brought in this April. From April all current back-to-work schemes will be gradually phased out. Announcing the new scheme today Prime Minister David Cameron said he fully expects it to create millions o...
Read full storySacha Baron Cohen Alias Admiral General Aladeen Has Been Fined $100,000 For His Academy Award Show Urn-Spilling Prank on Ryan Seacrest
HOLLYWOOD - The 84th Annual Academy Awards Show went on fairly smooth, but the same cannot be said for the pre-show Red Carpet segment. As American Idol host Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest was interviewing Admiral General Aladeen of the country of Wadiya...
Read full storySomali pirates tracking stricken cuise liner as new hex strikes Costa Concordia sister-ship
Indian Ocean - "She's now a sitting duck for Somali pirates," a source close to Italian chief coast guard Commander Cosimo Nicastro tweeted this afternoon. Indeed, the Costa Allegra is in some peril adrift at sea tonight amid fears an 'arsonist p...
Read full storyMan with three arms signed by Cincinnatti Reds
CARDIFF KY (ABSNN) -- John Toupe, 22, has acheived his lifelong goal to become a professional baseball player. He reports for the team's spring training camp this week. What sets Toupe apart from other young men attempting to make the cut in profes...
Read full storySouth Carolina girls impregnated by space alien!
CHARLESTON SC (ABSNN) -- Twenty-six teenagers who attended the Future House Wives of America (FHWoA) sleep over were the vicitims of an alien from the planet Marz and are now pregnant. So says Ginger Bread, SC State FHWoA Chairmain and the hostess o...
Read full storyAmerican honor restored as 'Rear of the Year' J-Lo's bottom knocks the spots off Pippa Middleton
Los Angeles - And all it took was just one rather feline strut down the red carpet in a shimmering $50,000 Stuart Gulliver gown to steal the show on Oscars Night as Jennifer Lopez reaffirmed her pole position in yet another International Rear Of The...
Read full storyThe Oscars: The Artist wins Best Film - Reaction
At the 84th Academy Awards last night, at the Kodak Theatre in LA, French made film The Artist scooped 5 Oscars including Best Film and Best Actor, but the cast and crew were keeping quiet about their success. When Jean DuJardin was called onto st...
Read full storyAuthor extradited to America by Facebook
The author of a controversial book based on the construction of fake Facebook profiles is to face charges of copyright infringement after calling the book Fakebook.con. Facebook are using the US/UK extradition treaty that recently saw Richard O'Dwyer...
Read full storyWe Could Never Have Known
We could never have known just how many things would be changed in year 2012, but now as we approach the 30th February, we are beginning to understand. We all knew that the Rothschild banking empire would collapse under the weight of imaginary gold, and that we would see aliens speaking to us in English and Mexican on the tele, but we never expected that every human would suddenly develop the a...
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Forty-Five
A diary of one man's (Using the term lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 88 - After the Heart Operation My first memory, was of the pain, and all the paraphernalia sticking into and out of seemingly all of my crevices. Slowly it dawned on me where I was, and what had taken place. I could not make out much detai...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Named The Skinniest Actress At The 84th Annual Academy Award Show
HOLLYWOOD - The 84th Annual Academy Awards Show was hosted by Billy "The Pistol" Crystal. Crystal first began hosting the award show back when there were only four Great Lakes. There are some people who still recall that Billy actually wrote some...
Read full storyMy Beloved Griselda - Part Five - 'The Highlight of her visit'
My association with Griselda, was without doubt, the most physically satisfying and passion filled period of my sad life, and I still miss the chemistry of our entwined bodies in complete and utter ecstasy and pleasurable pain. My delight in her ability to lift me up, turn me over, and carry me around the room while tasting my foibles will remain with me forever. The Highlight of her visit G...
Read full storyLord Sweetener's New Toaster Turn's Sour
Owner of Hamstrad electronics and all round business genius, Lord Alan Sweetener, yesterday denied that his latest product was of inferior quality. Around 300 customers have complained about the 'Toast-a-Matic 900'. According to one customer, P...
Read full storyNeptune To Be Renamed Pluto, Scientists Say
PRAGUE-On August 24th, 2006, yet another piece of our embarrassingly fragile childhood was destroyed. At a meeting of the International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Prague, a clear majority of astronomers voted for a definition of the term "planet" th...
Read full storyArizona Governor Jan Brewer Denies Crush on President Obama
Arizona Governor Jan Brewer says that rumors about her actually having a mad crush on President Obama are patently false. In a statement she recently gave at the local Chapter of Single Christians with Spouses, Brewer claims that television psych...
Read full storyChicken To Take On Veteran M.P
Colin the chicken, winner of last year's 'Britain's Chicken's Got Talent', has launched a bid to become a member of parliament. Colin, 3, who lives on a farm in Bolsover, Derbyshire, intends to stand against incumbent M.P. Dennis 'Beast of Bolsove...
Read full storyCaroline Wozniacki's British Pigeon Plucked By Kandi's Dandy At World Golf Championship
BILLINGSGATE POST GOLF SPECIAL - Not since the Revolutionary War has there been such a reversal of fortune beween Great Britain and America. This afternoon at Dove Mountain where the Accenture Match Play Championship is played, Kandi's Dandy (Hunter...
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