We Could Never Have Known

Funny story written by dgwest7

Monday, 27 February 2012

image for We Could Never Have Known
Flying like a bird

We could never have known just how many things would be changed in year 2012, but now as we approach the 30th February, we are beginning to understand.

We all knew that the Rothschild banking empire would collapse under the weight of imaginary gold, and that we would see aliens speaking to us in English and Mexican on the tele, but we never expected that every human would suddenly develop the ability to fly.

The mind update was received through special vibrations emitted by an orgasm in the sun, having bounced off the non-existent Niburu planet as it was downloading people to earth. The orgasm created a form of radiation that affected over one hundred percent of the downloadees, giving them the ability to fly from the minute of birthing on the planet.

The stock in General Motors rose after they took out patents on all non-patented flying machines, whether dead or alive. This was amazing, as sales fell to zero, creating an disappointment in the listing of the Top Ten Misfortune Companies.

Once students could fly, they really lost interest in spending thousands of hours of their life listening to some old driveller telling them that reading books was better than flying, so they stopped going to school.

The health benefits of flying totally removed the need to have pieces of body cut out, and the slow annihilation by constant ingestion of unhelpful substances that had pervaded the sick non-flying society totally disappeared.

Once the soldiers had been debriefed by the aliens, they realized how they had been hoaxed for generations by the ideas of royal families, governments, and patriotism.
They simply refused to kill another person, or destroy another square inch of our Mother Planet in order to try to satisfy the insatiable greed of a few psychotic in-bred families that had imposed their will on the world.

The ability to fly has still hardly been experimented with, but it is known to be based on thought transference. Somehow, thought becomes stronger, more concentrated and more important, and now when a destination is truly envisioned, the vibrational environment somehow conspires to transport the body to the location in mind. Beats British Rail, so they say, but there are no snacks during the journey, which can sometimes take up to ten seconds. Urination is often necessary on completion of the travel period, and for the first experience brown trousers are recommended.

Once the mass media hoaxing had become impossible due to past readers and viewers being able to fly there and look for themselves, the truth came pouring out. This was a real wake up call "Hello - you are flying - you can't do that".

For the those who suffered through that evil period call "The Classroom Years" there were hundreds of shocks in store as they unwound the non-flying indoctrination based on the ridiculist science that had been instilled into a tiny particle somewhere inside the skull.

The discovery of the seven brains in the human body was quite something, but now that everyone knows about chakras, and can think in terms of the seven colours of light, and the seven sounds of the musical scale, the old rubbish previously called education became completely redundant, especially as there were no students - who were all out flying.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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