Chicken To Take On Veteran M.P

Funny story written by Simon Saunders

Monday, 27 February 2012


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Is parliament about to become a giant chicken coop?

Colin the chicken, winner of last year's 'Britain's Chicken's Got Talent', has launched a bid to become a member of parliament.

Colin, 3, who lives on a farm in Bolsover, Derbyshire, intends to stand against incumbent M.P. Dennis 'Beast of Bolsover' Skinner.

The chicken, who started the 'Clucking Hell' party last month, announced his parliamentary campaign in a statement on his eggsite.
"I believe it is time for all chickens, whatever sex, age, ethnicity or religion to make a stand against the complacent Mr. Skinner. He's never done anything for chickens in all of his eight decades in parliament. Besides, anyone named Skinner is clearly an enemy of all chickens. It's only a matter of time before he lives up to his name. My worries are shared by most in the chicken community and they urged me to stand against him. Therefore, I believe it is my duty as an upstanding chicken to do all I can to defeat Mr. Skinner."

The statement continued, "No doubt some will say that I have got too cocky after my 'Britain's Chicken's Got Talent' win and that I am doing this merely for publicity. That is most certainly not the case. I believe that I have a genuine chance to win and that is exactly what I intend to do."

In response, Mr. Skinner, 107, released a typically belligerant statement. It read, " I've been M.P for Bolsover for 83 years and I'm not surrendering my seat without a fight. If Colin the chicken thinks he can win, he is much mistaken. I'll do everything I can to continue representing the good people of Bolsover. If I have to, I'll choke the bleeding chicken myself."

Many believe that Colin the chicken is a one issue candidate. The only policy he has revealed so far is his intention to overturn the ban on fox hunting. A clearly befuddled Colin has repeatedly claimed that people should be allowed to hunt foxes as they make chicken's lives intolerable.

Bob Greasy, chief political reporter for local Derbyshire paper 'The Daily Ram' reckons Colin has little chance of unseating Skinner. Greasy said, "From what I've heard down the pub, Colin's support is poultry at best. In any case, if either of these candidates win, the people of Bolsover will still have a cock for an M.P."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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