Environmentalists buoyant as surge in sea levels comprehensively outstripped by rise in water prices

Written by Deafo

Thursday, 2 February 2012

Buoyant environmentalists across the UK have asserted their satisfaction that the anticipated surge in sea levels around the globe has been comprehensively outstripped by an average 5.7% rise in household water prices.

Scientists believe sea levels could rise by as little as the height of Ronnie Corbett by 2100, whilst utility providers assert an expected King Kong sized rise in the cost of filling an egg cup with H2O by 20:13 this evening.

Spokesman for Environmental watchdog DOFFCAP, Peter Trapaniel, urged consumers to heed the warnings of his illustrious colleagues rather than pray the polar ice-cap shores up their bank accounts by entering a period of frenzied melting.

He told a Radio station, 'The natural tendency of people being subjected to unprecedented rises of the cost of a substance subject to unprecedented rises in the coming decades, is to say 'melt quicker you bugger,' but that would be missing the point we missed years ago.'

'What would you rather, the dramatic loss of Equatorial Guinea, or an abundance of water so vast that water bills would only rise 3% year on year for the next century?'

'Exactly.'

Thames Water customer, Sheila Mount, admitted she was in a state of befuddlement at the conflicting messages being transmitted to then general public by environmentalists and water suppliers alike.

'I'm confused.'

'Generally when a market place is flooded with the same product, the prices tend to come down.'

'Someone, somewhere, isn't telling the truth.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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