Super Bowl Performer M.I.A. Alias "The Middle Finger Flicker" Has Been Banned From The United States
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Barack Obama says that in the three years that he has been in office that he has never received the extensive amount of emails, text messages, and phone calls that he has due to the British rapper known as M.I.A. The S...
Read full storySteve McClaren rules himself out of England job
Fc Twente's flamboyant Dutch manager Steve McClaren has officially ruled himself out of the newly vacant England managers post. Given that McClaren was never "ever in a million years" (FA chairman David Bernstein) going to be interviewed for the job,...
Read full storyWhy Should We Pay Our Presidents For Screwing Interns And Playing Golf?
BILLINGSGATE POST - Former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger once said that, "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac." If this is true, why should we have to pay our presidents if they spend most of their time screwing interns and playing golf? They sh...
Read full storyCambridge Study Reveals Condiments Makes Ordinary Sex Better - Study Leads To US Economic Downfall
Cambridge UK - A group of psychoanalytic studies students conducted a study on human sexual arousal. This study sought to gain an understanding of which physical attributes, scents, sounds, colors, and even tastes aid in the arousal of individuals du...
Read full storyDenver Broncos' Tim Tebow Hooking Up With Jenny McCarthy?
INDIANAPOLIS - Rosie O'Donnell decided to put on her 'Matchmaker' hat and is trying to hook up the stunningly sultry Jenny McCarthy with Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow. The talk show host should be slapped with penalties for encroachment, il...
Read full storyBull-Schitt for President
I was privileged to be granted the first interview with Fuller, Great-Great-Great-Grandson of the famous Sitting Bull with captured German squaw Helga Schitt. "I am Fuller Bull-Schitt, and I am standing for all Native Americans against the established 2 party race of Republicans and Democrats. My party is the Association of Native Amerind Leagues. (ANAL) he proclaimed. "I am going to make this...
Read full storyPost Office Unveils New Stamp
Lansdowne on the Potomac-The United States Postal Service has unveiled a new stamp designed to placate customers and save the service both time and money. The new "Whatever" Stamp guarantees that your letter or parcel may or may not be delivered some...
Read full storyBrit big boobed hairdresser uses fertilizer to make them grow naturally!
Brit hairdresser, Rachel A. (name changed for legal reasons) has natural boobs size 30L and they're whoppers! With no silicone in sight (or implanted), the whoppers keep growing and growing and her boyfriend enjoys "supporting" them. Rachel loves...
Read full storyTotal Wipeout Unrewarded - TV Repair Man Warns BAFTA
A shadowy vigilante organisation has issued a warning to the voters at the British Academy of Film & Television ahead of their awards show on Sunday. TV Repair Man, the underground group pledged to ridding TV schedules of reality shows and rub...
Read full storyKim-Jee-String busted!
The son of late North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il, Kim Jong Un was spotted by paparazzi shopping for male lingerie in Seoul, South Korea. His bodyguards comprised of fourteen McNoodle employees and seven gypsies. When interrogated by fashoinista...
Read full storyLord John Prescott to open newly discovered Hull Barrier Reef
Lord Prescott, former deputy prime minister and Secretary of State for Chinese take-aways, is the special guest at a ceremony to celebrate the opening of the Hull Barrier Reef. Speaking at a special luncheon for the Hull Association of Street Drin...
Read full storyDerek Acorah attacked by Rod Hulls spirit in midnight séance
Derek Acorah was recovering in hospital last night after being ferociously attacked during an attempt to contact the late and slightly eccentric children's entertainer Rod Hull. Derek was admitted into Hospital around 1:00am suffering from multiple b...
Read full storyThe Return of the Poo Tax
Tory Ministers are worried that the destruction of the National Health Service will be equivalent to Mrs Thatcher disastrous Poo Tax. Everyone remembers the terrible pain caused by the Poo Tax, when every shit cost £1, leading to chronic constipat...
Read full storyPope 'attention seeking' with own RIP prediction: reports
Rome - A plot to top the Pope may be a self-inflicted rumor to boost his plummeting popularity ratings someone at the Vatican said today. Widespread media coverage implicating Sicilian Cardinal Paolo Romeo, Archbishop of Palermo's remarks in China...
Read full storyFormer American Idol Judge Simon Cowell Denies The Adam Lambert Rumor and Insists That He Is Not Homophobic
HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell, the man who has been called "The Englishman With The Midas Touch" is no stranger to controversy or the world of controversial subjects. The "Sultan of Sarcasm" was recently interviewed by Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pill...
Read full storyPregnant? There's an app for that
Women who are trying to get pregnant will know the embarrassment of going into a chemist to purchase yet another pregnancy kit. "I've been told," said Mac Buck, editor of App World! "that you get sympathetic looks from the cashier when you're buyi...
Read full storyMadonna Swears Off Future Stage Use of Stiletto Heels
Following a near catastrophe on set of stairs during the half time show at Superbowl XLVI, Madonna has sworn to never wear 5 inch stiletto heels in any future performance. The 53 year old mother of three is no stranger to flamboyant stage costumes...
Read full storyKill the Guy with the Ball!
Five Star General R. E. Motors, a Risk Sanatorium spokesman, claims that Superpacks are plotting to discredit the current frontrunner in the GOP Primary race. "They did it for Mitm Romney and then Gingnotsorich, and now they are turning on Risk."...
Read full storyBill Murray Wrecks Tiger Woods' Ace at Pebble Beach
Bill Murray returned this year to entertain the crowd in between crushing a few golf balls at the Pebble Beach Pro-Am Tournament, but one prank on the famous par three 7th hole, cost Tiger Woods a hole-in-one. Murray, a Saturday Night Live comedic...
Read full storySanatorium "Return to Family Values"
Risk Sanatorium, trying to be the strong conservative in the GOP Primary sweepstakes, picked up on the announcement from the Pentagon that more women in US armed forces will be serving in the front line. "Oh no!" he exclaimed, "This is not the w...
Read full storyBetting Suspended on Harry Redknapp to be next England manager
Bookmakers stopped taking bets today on Harry Redknapp to be the next manager of the England football team when reports of large bets were being placed around the country - including Portsmouth, Bournemouth, London, Leicester and Sheffield. The FA...
Read full storyHarry Redknapp To Snub England Job And Take The Helm At RBS
Football manager, Harry Redknapp, is expected by City insiders to snub the offer of head coach for the England football team, and instead, to take the helm at state controled RBS in the City Of London. Mr Redknapp was described by City analysts as...
Read full storyEngland's Wild About 'Arry!
Football fans all over England - but mainly in East London, like dahn Bethnal Green, Whitechapel, Plaistow and Bow and that innit - are cock a hoop that, following the departure of the Italian sophisticate, Fabio Capello, it looks highly likely that...
Read full storyEnid Blyton Mercilessly Lampooned In Puddleby Cove Parody
Consumer watchdog group, 'Stop It! Now!' (SIN) today released a strongly worded statement, attacking the internet publication of what has been described as 'an Enid Blyton parody' which is currently available for anyone to see, free of charge, on sat...
Read full storyFA Announce Successor
It was revealed by insiders at the FA today that following an inability to win anything for 42 years with the full-time managers they would adopt the successful and well worn television trick of inviting a guest manager for each match. "The guest...
Read full storyDyson omelette maker can make an omelette without breaking eggs
Dyson have finally answered the question "can you make an omlette without breaking eggs?" with a resounding yes. "This is a great piece of kit," said Suzi Perry of Channel 5's Gadget Show. "I've stolen the demo model they sent us, and it's gone st...
Read full storyCarry On Up The Capello.
John Terry has paid tribute to Fabio Capello and expressed his personal regret at losing the England captaincy . "The eyetie stood down in protest at how the FA treated me. I expect everyone in the country to follow his example and resign from th...
Read full storyHistory Channel - 'What The F***?' Says Top Academic
Digital TV service, The History Channel, has been rubbished by a top historian over its 'crap content.' Prof Ken Lucid has hit out at the channel following a day's viewing and checking the TV schedules. "I don't get much time off," Prof Lucid s...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Ecstatic About Her Upcoming Summer Concert Tour With The Rolling Stones
LOS ANGELES - Miley Cyrus was all smiles as she spoke with American Idol host and L.A. radio personality Ryan Seacrest. Cyrus was walking on air as she admitted to "Peaches" Seacrest that the word on the streets of LaLaLand is that she will be goi...
Read full storyMadonna Admits That Her Super Bowl Halftime Performance Was Lip Synced And She Explains The Reason Why
BROOKLYN - Madonna was relaxing in her apartment trying to get over the tremendous sore throat that she said she had gotten the day before her Super Bowl performance. The 53-year-old singer was being waited on hand and foot by her 24-year-old boy...
Read full storyCharlie Brown And Lucy Play A New Type Of Football
Charlie Brown of the comic strip 'Peanuts' fame grew up to be a manager of a Seven Eleven and invested much of his meager salary in stocks during the nineties. When the economic collapse of 2008 hit his stock savings were wiped out, he lost his small suburban house and almost ended up homeless. He spent many nights musing over what had gone wrong. Lucy Van Pelt (Lucy from Peanuts) grew up to be...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan To Guest Star As Ashton Kutcher's Sexy Sex Therapist On "Two And A Half Men"
HOLLYWOOD - The creator, producer, and writer of the hit situation-comedy Two and A Half Men, Chuck Lorre seems to keep trying to outdo himself. And it appears that taking Lorre's track record into account he does have a pretty good feel for what...
Read full storyArnold Schwarzenegger Treats Sylvester Stallone to Elective Surgery
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone were spotted side-by-side at a local hospital on Thursday. While Schwarzenegger appeared to have just come from shoulder surgery, it was not immediately clear what Stallone was in the same hospital for.
Read full storyMultinational Corporation Sues Itself
Detroit MI: The Apex Parts Corporation (APC) manufactures parts for all types of commercial vehicles and heavy equipment at locations around the world. APC won a multi-million dollar contract from one of Detroit's big three automakers to design and...
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