Lynton Erskin and Inchcock The Race Part the last
Arm ignored his friends and went to where the villains were spraying their potion. "Oye! I want a word with you two" shouted an out of breath Arm. "Blimey" cried Skoob "They've let the silly sod out". "Shall we run or pelt him with rancid fruit?" asked C.J. "We haven't got any rancid fruit" answered Skoob. "RUUUNNNNN!!!!!!" screamed C.J. The miscreants turned tail and had it away...
Read full storySick and Tired
I hate the "media". I am sick and tired of the fact that I cannot get the real news, without some new's media honcho's (or wienie journal-school jerk's or jerkett's) interpretation thereof. I hate the fact that I must conduct a daily search of right and left-leaning news sources, in order for me to somehow try to divine the truth there-between. Just when did "why" become such a necessary ing...
Read full storyJoan Rivers Brand New Reality Game Show "Etch A Sketch This" Has Been Cancelled - She Blames Russell Brand and Ricky Gervais
HOLLYWOOD - It was not a good Easter holiday for Joan Rivers who got a call from the top executive at Donald Trump Hairdo Productions, who produce her reality game show Etch A Sketch This. Harvey F. Switchowitz III, informed the comedienne known a...
Read full storyTop-10 Top-Secret Dating Tips for Men!
Men, is your dating life DOA? Not to worry! These top-secret tips from NYC's #1 professional matchmaker will put the "life" back in your love: 1) Don't be a douchebag! Yes, it's true that ladies loooove douchebags - but they love non-douchebags even more! You can get plenty of trashy booty by acting like a jerk, but if you're interested in some seriously high-class love, acting like a decent, c...
Read full storyStories About Manchester City And Liverpool Being Rubbish Are Almost As Dull As Stories About The World's Largest Penis
Spoof writers have been roundly condemned by the Archbishop of Dorking for repeatedly writing reams of absolute drivel about how crap Manchester City and Liverpool are at football. "There's way too much of this bollock-toss on the site at the mome...
Read full storyJobs Crisis OVER: Wage Slavery Up 3%!
The United States Bureau of Labor has reported that for the first time in the past 6 years, unemployment rates have dropped a statistically remarkable 3%, with a corresponding 3% increase in levels of wage slavery. According to President Obama, th...
Read full storyLiverpool Offer A Massive Thanks To Manchester City
A delegation of Liverpool FC officials arrived at the Etihad Stadium today bearing a massive 'thanks' for the players and staff of Manchester City. In what was no less than a meeting of the 'massives' the Liverpool delegation expressed their etern...
Read full storyBubba Watson's Masters Victory Wife and Car by Nostradamus
Five hundred years ago Nostradamus wrote his prophecies in code and he predicted three antichrists. Nostradamus said that the first antichrist would be named 'Napaulon Roy', Napoleon. Nostradamus predicted that the second antichrist would be 'Hister', Adolf Hitler. Nostradamus wrote that the third antichrist would be named 'Mabus', Ayatollah Mesbah Yazdi the true power behind the throne in Iran wh...
Read full storyEating your desk at lunch-time is 'a health hazard'
More sedentary workers are eating their desks during their lunch-hour instead of going out to a café or furniture shop. Some just nibble at desk-top corners, but many have been seen biting big chunks off. Office workers are making themselves more...
Read full storyChurch leaders deliver Easter eggs
Religious leaders have been busy this weekend delivering highly decorated Easter eggs to all-and-sundry on Sunday. The Archbishop of Cork, dressed up as a long-robed chicken, delivered the most politically-charged Easter egg. But the Bishop...
Read full story2012 Presidential Election cancelled: Armed combat to decide chief's spot
WASHINGTON,DC (ABSNN) A joint session of the House and Senate approved the cancellation of the 2012 Presidential election today in favor of "Armed, one-to-one combat," to settle the thing once and for all. "We're tired of hanging chads (W), elect...
Read full storyTitanic-shaped birthmark appears on Queen's arse
Windsor - A silhouette of the tragic liner has suddenly appeared crop circle-like on HM's posterior ahead of tomorrow's RIP centenary. Royal apothecaries studying the mole said it bears an uncanny resemblance to MS Balmoral, a 5,186 metric ton dea...
Read full storyRomney loses penis, blames Secret Service
ROMNEY, WV (ABSNN) Republican front-runner Mitt Romney lost his penis somewhere in Pennsylvania. He blames his Secret Service protection detail. The news of the lost penis was made public this morning in this tiny West Virginia town on the Maryland...
Read full storyVampire Dating Site a Fangtastic Success
Dating sites have had to compete in an ever more niche market area. Ads for mature dating, single parent dating, uniformed dating and illiterate darting have flooded the internet ad-sphere in recent weeks. One site has announced amazing growth in...
Read full storyYES and No-No: Sox and Yankees Stink Up the AL East
Both the Boston Red Sox and the New York Yankees have suffered the slings and arrows of stink bug bites. The archrivals have matching records and no victories, moral or otherwise. Managers Joe Girardi and Bobby Valentine share the same sentimen...
Read full storyTerrorist arrested after a tip off by refuse collection man
A terrorist working for Basque Separatists was caught after attempting to dispose of depleted uranium in his wheelie bin in Leeds. "We've seen some right stuff chucked away we have," said bin man of forty years, Adam Chapel. "I've seen somebody ch...
Read full storyTim Tebow Exchanges Football Field for Pulpit
Building on the success of his Easter sermon to 15,000 folks in Texas, football superstar Tebow has made a firm decision to switch careers. "Being a full-time preacher will mean I won't have the problem of having to retire early due to a broken...
Read full storyMoolah.web enters mortgage market
Moolah.web is set to continue their slow crucifixion of the poor with a mortgage product aimed specifically at "The desperate and gullible." Director Jacob Pretzelwitz was typically frank about the application process. "If they let us through the...
Read full storyRight royal seven year stitch-up
London - The House of Windsor's top bigamist has been honored for keeping her gob shut these last seven years with a spurious gong whose Order was mothballed back in 1971. Camilla Fucker-Proles is to become the Hellfire Club's Dame Grand Double-Cr...
Read full storyMy week as a woman - day two
I awoke on the Sunday morning, momentarily forgetting about my forfeit. I had lost a bet with my wife on the subject of pain. My wife decided over the course of a week, I would discover the pain women put up with every day. The previous day's shopping trip came back to me as I rolled over to get five more minutes, only to get my thumb caught in some lacy contraption I had gone to sleep in. As I...
Read full storySpoof Writers Demand That Skoob1999 Be Banned From The Spoof Website
A delegation of leading spoof writers for internationally acclaimed satirical website, TheSpoof.co.uk have joined forces in lobbying the site owner, Mark Lowton, demanding that Martin Shuttlecock, aka Skoob1999 be banned from the site indefinitely.
Read full storyCopy of my letter wot I wrote and sent to David Cameron
Dear Sir, I understand that you are of a superior class, intellect and magnificence, with an ostentatiousness that must be the envy of many a politician. I also appreciate that your rise to become the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, First Lord of the Treasury, Minister for the Civil Service and Leader of the Conservative Party, representing Witney as its Member of Parliament, has been...
Read full storyComplexes and suchlike
According to Carl Jung, (1875 -1961), a complex is 'a core pattern of emotions, memories, perceptions, and wishes organized around a common theme.' It is 'perfectly normal to have complexes because everyone has emotional experiences that affect the psyche. Although they are normal, negative complexes can cause pain and suffering'. An example given is the case of an individual, in childhood, who...
Read full storyManchester City Fans Told Not To Worry - Yesterday Was Just A Bad Dream
Manchester City fans were urged to keep the faith as the club homes in on its first championship in 44 years, by none other than former Oasis front man, Liam Gallagher. "Yesterday didn't happen, man," an exhausted Liam said, as he went to put the...
Read full storyBritish Heavy Metal Band Blamed For Betrayal Of Jesus
A new survey has revealed a shocking level of ignorance surrounding Easter and the events of Holy Week, amongst the general public. The survey, which was conducted by the respected agnostic journal, Navel-Gazing Today, was both scientific and repr...
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