London - The House of Windsor's top bigamist has been honored for keeping her gob shut these last seven years with a spurious gong whose Order was mothballed back in 1971.
Camilla Fucker-Proles is to become the Hellfire Club's Dame Grand Double-Cross in recognition of her role impersonating Prince Charles' second 'wife'.
The honor comes with an accompanying sinecure - said to be a modest one hundred grand per month - paid for out of general taxation and 'worth every penny' according to disgraced ex-RBS CEO Fred Goodwin's proctologist.
"Pssst, you do know he's gay, don't you Old Girl?" was the Archbishop of Canterbury's heartfelt apologia before blessing Charles' and Camilla's union at the April 9 2005 nuptial ceremony.
"Piss orf, you bastard!" was the bride's measured reply.
Of course it's well known in lowlife royal circles that whorse-faced interloper Camilla is actually Lady Antonia Fraser's daughter by Prince Philip following a scurrilous tryst behind some Palace potting sheds during the Sewers - er...Suez! - crisis.
A number of children born on the wrong side of the monogrammed blanket include the jump jockey Richard Johnson, pointless self publicist Liz Hiurley and Speaker's wife Sally Bercow.
The couple will be celebrating their seventh anniversary in traditional manor (sic) by spending the night apart - as they have done ever since exchanging vows in Windsor in 2005.
