Exhibitionist Enjoys Living in Surveillance State
For 28-year-old Kinsey MacDougall, knowing that United States government agents may be monitoring her personal email messages, cell phone calls and internet activity isn't a source of upset; it's a turn-on. A self-acknowledged exhibitionist, Kins...
Read full storyManhattan Man Successfully Avoids Co-Worker on Subway
Although there are over 8 million people living in New York City, the company where Manhattan resident Bill Bartwell works employs only 60 people - making Bill's odds of running into any of his co-workers during his morning commute relatively low. Fa...
Read full storyBrevik 'not insane, just Vladimir Putin's brat', innit
Norway - The mass killer is patently nuts prosecution sources said today as news of his heinous DNA was made public for the first time. Apparently Anders Brevik has tested positive as Russian thug Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin's spawn, possibly conceiv...
Read full storyMounting fury at Kate Middleton's £2 million spending rampage
London - Clothes, jewellery, cosmetic surgery, holidays, credit card bills, exotic pharmaceutical substances and personal 'grooming' worth more than £2 million have been racked up by the grasping royal gravytrain gold digger since her wedding last ye...
Read full storyThe NBA Player Formerly Known As Ron Artest and Now Called Metta World Peace Shows That His New Name Is Nothing But A Joke
LOS ANGELES - Apparently someone forgot to remind Los Angeles Lakers player Metta World Peace, formerly known as Ron Artest, that he plays in the NBA, the National Basketball Association and not in the WWF, the World Wrestling Federation. Tango Br...
Read full storyRoyal Mail to bring back pack mules
Royal Mail announced today that after discussions with union chiefs, a new plan had been thrashed out to keep mail delivery staff jobs secure for the foreseeable future. Instead of reducing manpower, Royal Mail are to reduce horsepower. A plan is...
Read full storyRoss Kemp's Nan's World Snooker Round-up: Day 2
Stephen Hendrys MAXIMUM break took as he built up a 7-1 lead over Stuart Bingham took the headlines on Day 1, but fellow scot John Higgins completed his first round match with a nailbiting 10-9 last frame victory over Liang Wenbo. Seven previous champions have fallen at the first hurdle including Hendry, Davis, Griffiths and Dennis Taylor, so at 9-9 Higgins must have been nervous when Wenbo had a...
Read full storyHawking master of spin on Dancing With The Stars
New York, USA. Noted scientist and globally recognised genius, Stephen Hawking, has made a late entrance into TV contest, Dancing With The Stars. This followed the withdrawal of one of the duos after a freak accident during rehearsal involving a chai...
Read full storyRon Artest: Man of World Peace
Metta World Peace sent another unintentional elbow to the NBA headquarters. After a dozen years of elbowing and other infractions, that is Ron Artest's story--and he's sticking to it. Having entered a new age where giving a sports opponent a co...
Read full storyVideo shows MI6 cryptographer Gareth Williams 'riding tandem bike with Neil Heywood'
London - Reports that 'they liked to share a saddle' were rubbished today before the emergence of previously unseen footage of the two men cycling near the Houses of Parliament. Following close behind is another dodgy pair, subsequently identified...
Read full storyWee Wet Willie Goes West
If Delonte West gives you the "willies", you are no longer alone. The most peculiar player in the NBA who has done a couple of stints with the Boston Celtics now makes his home in Dallas with the Mavericks. When he played for the Celtics, Rajon...
Read full storyNature and Vacuum Make Peace
In a shocking but awe-inspiring turn of events, two seemingly intractable enemies, Nature and the vacuum, have finally made peace. It has long been known that "Nature abhors a vacuum." And indeed, scientists and theologians alike had considered th...
Read full storyDuchess of Doolittle's new dimples disaster
London - Cat-gut sutures inside Kate Middleton's gob may have suddenly burst open 'like cheap knicker elastic' according to Palace sources today. The royal gravytrain freeloader's plastic surgery at a Mustique clinic in January saw ditsy dimples h...
Read full storyTurks demand St George back
Saint George, the Patron Saint of England, is the subject of a heated repatriation debate between England and Turkey. "Saint George is a Turkish Saint," said Fasulye Tepe, the Turkish Consulate based in London. "We, the Turkish people, are affront...
Read full storyA Humongous Jessica Simpson Denies That She's Having Triplets
HOLLYWOOD - It appears that Jessica Simpson has just about been pregnant longer than any celebrity in LaLaLand. Many of her fans believe that judging by the looks of her belly, the 31-year-old singer, actress, and former full-figured model is clos...
Read full storyVatican Tries to Control U.S. Nuns; Nuns React
The world was shocked this week when the Vatican criticized an organization of U.S. nuns because of church doctrine issues. And there's more. A U.S. Archbishop (poor soul!) was appointed to oversee the actions of this organization of nuns.
Read full storyPresident To Dissolve Secret Service: Appoints Barney Frank Eunuch Czar To Form New Palace Guard
BILLINGSGATE POST - Obama's chief advisor, David Axelrod, told CNN's "State of the Union" today that the President has decided to dissolve the Secret Service and replace it with an Imperial Palace Eunuch Corps. Barney Frank is to be named Eunuch Cza...
Read full story"Simon Cowell gave me the full baker's dozen" claims Swalloh Chisholm
Ex-model, actress and self-proclaimed socialite Swalloh Chisolm announced today she had been Simon Cowell's 'special friend' back in 2001. She made the claim after she was missed out of Simon Cowell's recently published unauthorised biography 'Sweet...
Read full storyTevez Wins PFA 'Idiot Of The Year' Award
Manchester City striker, Carlos Tevez, has claimed the highly coverted 'Idiot of the year' award at this years glittering PFA awards ceremony. Tevez, who was the clear favourite with bookmakers, had tears in his eyes as he collected the award. Spe...
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