Christ on a bike to compete for Team GB at the Olympics
Legendary prophet and son of God, Jesus Christ is the latest in the line of 'Plastic Brits' to sign up for Team GB at the 2012 London Olympics. The Messiah has shown an interest in several sports in his time spent in the afterlife and has recently...
Read full storyWhat If The Present Republican Candidates Had Lived At Other Times In History
THE MIDDLE AGES- A WITCH BURNING: SANTORUM: This harlot before us is one of Satan's own who has used her for a tool of His evil! We must burn her until only the ashes of her sinfulness remain. The evidence shows her wickedness: she was seen dancing naked in the moonlight, she does not attend church on the Sabbath day, and she bathes only once a month. This last sin should make her burn all th...
Read full storyCollege Student Fathomed at Notion that Facebook Friends May Not Be Real Friends; Roommate Remains Relatively Nonplussed
When Sharon Williams, a sophomore at Northeastern University in Boston, Massachusetts, noticed that none of her Facebook "friends" ever called her, contacted her outside the website, or expressed any interest in her personal life beyond an occasional...
Read full storyMaking the "Perfect CV"
Are you fed up of getting rejected again and again by companies because your resume or Curriculum Vitae fails you? Well it is time to stop worrying! It is time to realize that the content in your CV does not depend on what you have done with your brains but what you have done with an organ much below it! After running a secret operation on big companies in the consulting, marketing, finance an...
Read full storyIn Effort to Foster Office Camaraderie, Hillary Clinton Begins Referring to Female Staff as "Bitches"
When she was growing up, Hillary Clinton was determined to break through traditional barriers to feminine achievement. In other words, Hillary was NEVER going to be just a secretary. However, like many women, Hillary found that traditional feminin...
Read full storyPope Benedict XVI Plays April Fool's Joke with a Condom
In a quick visit to the U.S. before Holy Week, Pope Benedict XVI decided to play a little joke. Pope Benedict XVI stopped in several Midwestern cities to voice his support for the Catholic Church's crusade against "reproductive health" and the so...
Read full storyMaryland Batman is really a "Joker"!
Batman was seen whizzing down a highway in Maryland, US, driving a Lamborghini with bats as number plates. The police spotted the bats not Batman and thought this was a job for the American RSPCA. Batman was hauled over to the side by the local "M...
Read full storyConfused Occupy Wall Street Activist Defends Trayvon Martin's Killer George Zimmerman
Yesterday in Zuccotti Park, New York City, headquarters of the Occupy Wall Street movement, confused Occupy activist Jonas Field spoke up on behalf of George Zimmerman, the self-appointed Neighborhood Watch guard who shot and killed unarmed African-A...
Read full storyTranssexuals have to enter the Olympics as their birth gender
The Transsexual and Gay Alliance are up in arms this afternoon with the news that transsexuals cannot compete as their true gender, and instead will be forced to compete against those who share their birth gender. "This is highly sexist," said Que...
Read full storyBig Brother is Watching You
Plans for the Police to have access to all messages and internet sources have struck fear into all law abiding citizens who fear they will be arrested for watching the 'wrong sort of websites' and be imprisoned for writing derogatory things about the...
Read full storyLanguage lesson makes listener forget how to speak
Kevin Elvin of Luton has been left literally speechless after he received what he believed were Spanish language tapes from BiLingua. "Kevin bought the tapes from eBay," said his wife, Ella Elvin. "They were faulty though." According to Kevin'...
Read full storyWest Ham Fail Reading Test
The test West Ham faced at the weekend ended in abject failure. There clearly needs to be more time in the classroom for Hammers players if they are to get into the Premier league next season. The Manager, Sam Allardyce was a prime culprit. Taking...
Read full storyMicrochipping of London 2012 hookers outsourced to Barking vets
Isle of Dogs - The £2 million former NHS contract will see all available prostitutes working the lucrative London Olympics turf microchipped following extensive medical tests. Emergency legislation means the scheme can be extended from pet dogs, c...
Read full storyOldham Police raid on a marijuana farm leaves them red faced
Police in Oldham, Lancashire, have been left red faced after raiding a suspicious warehouse in the Lees area. "Our intelligence was good," said detective in charge, Katrina Kitts. "The warehouse was drawing unusual power, locals had seen dodgy loo...
Read full storyTolling Bells & Rainbow Connections for Avery Bradley
The worrywarts of the media have found a new carcass on which to circle their death spirals. Now with the emergence of Boston Celtics young hotshot Avery Bradley, the worriers are claiming that the Green Team has a conundrum when Ray Allen returns...
Read full storyZimmerman Vindicated: Cries For "Help" Were Trayvon Martin's
SANFORD, FL - Voice analysis experts examining audio evidence in the Trayvon Martin case have determined that the voice heard yelling for "help" in the 911 calls likely belonged to Trayvon Martin, and not George Zimmerman. In response, Sanford Polic...
Read full storyHull City Conspiracy Theory Rife Amongst Fans
Hull City lost their fourth consecutive competitive league game at the weekend, this time a faltering 2-0 defeat to relegation fodder Coventry City, sparking conspiracy theories that the management at the KC Stadium don't want the Tigers to gain prom...
Read full storyHow 'Luther' Could Change American Television Forever.
If you have an hour to spare find the BBC One show 'Luther' on Netflix. Select any one of the first five episodes, and watch it, uninterrupted. Thereafter, I defy you to watch any pablum-plain, uninspired, saccarine, dumbed-down, bullshit American cop drama, and declare it better than this show. And, while eautifully photographed (on film, it appears; not videotape), masterfully scored...
Read full storyInsideout at the Inn
Holiday Inn Worldwide (HIW) has announced it will be opening a new franchise of upscale boutique-style restaurants in select cities worldwide. CEO Sean Rand says that the restaurants, named Innards, will cater to sophisticated clientele with unique...
Read full storyPaul Hogan and Linda Kozlowski To Star In "Crocodile Dundee Vs. The Voluptuous Vajazzled Vampires of Vienna"
HOLLYWOOD - It has been three years since Paul Hogan and Linda Kozlowski last reprised their roles of Crocodile Dundee and his girlfriend of 26 years Sue Charlton in the motion picture Crocodile Dundee 4 - The Big Snapper Years. Hogan recently sp...
Read full storyThe List of Ten Television Reality Shows That Were Rejected For 2012
HOLLYWOOD - The Television Coalition For Reality Show Development has just announced ten shows that have been rejected for 2012. Armstrong Jimmy Pennypocket senior executive director in charge of TTCFRSD, or TTC as it is known for short, stated that every year they are literally sent hundreds of reality show videos that producers hope get picked up. Pennypocket noted that usually TTC is righ...
Read full storyVice-President Joe Biden Vows To Implement Presidential Election "On Line Voting"
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Vice-President Joe Biden recently stated that being the vice-president of the United States is the greatest job that a person could ever have. He noted that very little is expected of you and 90 percent of the time your official...
Read full storyOpus Dei opens Liberty Baptist University branch
LYNCHBURG, VA (ABSNN) The super-secret Roman Catholic society, Opus Dei can be found on most any college campus recruiting new members into their ranks of numeraries (those men and women who live in Opus Dei housing and live lives of celibacy &&...
Read full storyRomney gets tough on the Soviet Union
WASHINGTON D.C. - While speaking to Wolf Blitzer, Mitt Romney wasted no time taking President Obama to task on a comment Obama made this week. "I'm very concerned," said Romney from his fallout shelter, "that the President asked Soviet dictator Me...
Read full storyUnited States Leases B2 Stealth Bomber to United Kingdom
Washington DC: US President Barack Obama met with UK Prime Minister (PM) David Cameron during an official visit to the US in March 2012. Agenda items included Iran's nuclear program, the bloodshed in Syria and after 30 years another potential UK Falk...
Read full story