Making the "Perfect CV"

Funny story written by JayD

Monday, 2 April 2012


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Are you fed up of getting rejected again and again by companies because your resume or Curriculum Vitae fails you? Well it is time to stop worrying! It is time to realize that the content in your CV does not depend on what you have done with your brains but what you have done with an organ much below it!

After running a secret operation on big companies in the consulting, marketing, finance and other weird(read MBA kind of) domains, finally we have zeroed in on what aspirants can do to ensure a 100% CV shortlist! And how do you do that? You make a page which details the number of girls you have banged throughout your life! "The biggest quality we seek in a candidate is confidence and wit", CEO of a consulting bigwig revealed when questioned. So if you have confidence oozing out of you (along with sperm), getting a girl into bed won't be a tough call for you. However to ensure the girl is not a whore-bag or just some dirty-looking bitch of your neighborhood, you must send a document with the picture of the girls and their contact details so that they can be interviewed on how you managed to bang them in the first place. "Nailing a good-looking chick takes effort. If you are not witty enough, you can't penetrate enough. That's the corporate rule. So a good looking girl whom you managed to bed without date-raping is a very rich CV point indeed! It highlights your confidence as well as the high intellect you posses!", the HR head of a major FMCG firm opined in a shushed voice.

Doctors seem to agree with the recruiters. According to them your sex life pretty much reveals what kind of a person you are. Using your dicks on a lot of women shows you are enthusiastic and tireless! If you can penetrate deep enough, it reveals that you are one guy who actually knows how to deeply involve yourself in every endeavor you undertake. Banging girls of different nationalities/color shows your dynamism and your willingness to take risks. And if you are someone who won't stop despite being STD-infected, it really shows how passionate you truly are and exhibits your risk-taking behavior.

So what are you waiting for? Remove your pants, pat your penis, put on that condom and haunt the streets for beautiful women! Forget graduation marks or the projects you have done! Just focus on nailing the rights chicks who have a self-esteem low enough to reveal your "sex-capades" to the recruiters! The deeper you go, the merrier it will be for you!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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