WASHINGTON, D.C. - During Roger Clemens illustrious major league baseball career which spanned 24 years he never faced the situation that he is presently facing.
The infamous pitcher known as "The Rocket" is getting ready to enter into a perjury trial where there will be no relief pitchers to help him out.
Clemens will be facing some of his toughest opponents ever as he goes up against a group of government witnesses that include Commissioner of Baseball Bud "The Silver Haired Sultan" Selig, former Chicago Cubs star Sammy "Hey Who Took My Taco" Sosa, New York Yankees catcher Jorge "Da Ball Trow Me Da Ball" Posada, and ex-Oakland A's slugger Jose "I Sawem Do It Dude" Canseco.
According to Tango Brisket, a reporter with Sports Territory Magazine, Clemens who used to strike fear in the eyes of many of baseball's batters with his flaming fastball has been charged with not returning phone calls to the Senate, not responding to emails from the House of Representatives, and not replying to text messages from the Secret Service, the CIA, the IRS, the TSA, the FBI, the HUD, and the IUD.
Another witness for the prosecution will be former Yankees manager Joe "I Don't Know Nussing" Torre. Joe who is real good friends with former big league catcher Bob Uecker and his lookalike friend Vice-President Joe Biden says that he hardly remembers ever speaking to Clemens other than to say hi, good-bye, and hey guy you got a little bit of pitcher's resin bag dust on your nose.
The attorney for Roger Clemens, Frescobaldi P. Tuckawitski, III, 63, informed Sports Territory that his client is really upset due to the fact that him having to attend this damn (Clemens word) trial is preventing him from earning a living by making burger commercials, signing autographs for $100 each, and getting $10,000 to speak at malls throughout the country and answer questions but not questions about Mindy McCready.
To learn more about the semi-exciting baseball career of Bob Uecker go to www.justwhothehellwasbobuecker.huh
