Gaddafi Sends Out Urgent SOS To Harry Redknapp
Spurs boss, Harry Redknapp was shocked this morning, to find a DVD arriving in the post, and even more shocked when he played said DVD in his Blu-Ray player. According to reports, the DVD contained an urgent appeal for help from beleaguered former...
Read full storyQPR sign git
QPR have signed Newcastle git Joey Barton. "I have always admired Joey as a git" said manager Neil Warnock. Barton will now be the highest earning git at QPR and fans are hoping the arrival of Joey will attract other big gits to the club: "We a...
Read full storyAmy Winehouse Fans Call Her a Fake and Go On Global Rampage - Police Attacked in Toyko, LA Celebs Go Into Hiding, Justin Bieber Goes Missing & Rehab Centre Burnt to Ground
Following the death of Amy Winehouse there was a renewed interest in her career as she joined the infamous 27 club alongside the likes of Kurt Cobain and Jim Morrison. However since details emerged in a toxicology report that Winehouse on the night o...
Read full story'rrests made of the bloomin' rioters and users of Cockney Matheson Lang
Scotland Yard reports that Bo-le of Glue thousand people 'ad been nicked - and more than Ca and Calf or 1,135 'ad been charged for riotin'. Of those charged, over 700 're guilty of speakin' Cockney Matheson Lang. Scotland Yard 'as also organized...
Read full storyGaddafi agrees to surrender if he can become a Kardashian
Tripoli, Libya - Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi has issued his terms of surrender from his secret compound here. The former strongman and sunglass aficionado provided only one condition for giving himself up to NATO authorities. "I want to join...
Read full storySir Alex Ferguson lifts BBC ban on answering Sir Alex Ferguson posed questions
Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has agreed to lift his ban on BBC conducted interviews, so long as he is only asked questions from a Sir Alex Ferguson compiled list of gentle queries. The Scotsman had refused to answer any questions po...
Read full storyPalin, Bachmann and Perry to Appear on Celebrity Jeopardy
You can expect in the coming weeks to see a very special episode of Jeopardy. Sony Pictures has signed on the three presidential hopefuls for a unique episode of Jeopardy. Some of the changes expected in this episode are all winnings will go to each candidates election campaign; usually in a celebrity Jeopardy the winnings go to a charity of the contestants choice, the producers decided that i...
Read full storyReviled London Buses 'hothouses its passengers' as furious OAP blasts transport network
London - Retired London mortician Miss Constance Burlap - a veteran of the No 19 route from Sadler's Wells to Cheyne Walk since the year dot - has spoken of her dismay at being kicked off mid-journey following a top deck fracas last week. "I was t...
Read full storyNeil Aspin the next manager of England?
In a pre-match interview with the Shaymen's website, manager of Conference North team Halifax Town, Neil Aspin, has admitted that he would leave Halifax Town at the drop of a hat should he be offered the England job. With Fabio Capello due to step...
Read full storyNaked rambler detention to slash Jacqui Smith porn costs
Imprisoned naked rambler, Steven Gough, is set to slash the adult entertainment costs associated with the Jacqui Smith household after being scheduled for several appearances at her home whilst on day release for his re-integration back into society,...
Read full storyOne of Our Spaceships Is Missing, Mr Putin
Moscow - A notorious UFO rat run inside Earth's Van Allen Beltway is the top culprit behind the disappearance of Russian Starfleet's flagship cargo carrier. This morning the entire International Space Station supply program hangs in ruins as monit...
Read full storyTop Academic Fumes Over History GCSE Decline
Controversial academic Ken Lucid has lambasted government policy on teaching after it emerged that 159 state schools failed to enter any pupils for history GCSE this year. The Department Of Education revealed the figures on the day that pupils acr...
Read full storyDavid Cameron Encourages Libyans to Loot Gadaffi's Homes and Favourite Shops
British leaflets are being dropped across Tripoli written in both Arabic and Eton English to encourage locals to loot Gadaffi's homes and the shops that are allied with his hated regime in order to add further shame and humiliate the retreating presi...
Read full storyProfessor Fred Quatermass States - "It's No Use Counting On Zombies To Fight Alien Space Vampires"
Professor Fred Quatermass was apparently at it again this morning, as he advised NASA, the North Aberdeen Space Association, that it would be pretty pointless expecting the dead to rise again as reanimated zombies, in order to fend off an alien invas...
Read full storySpeed Limit to be removed from Motorway Toll Roads
Motorway toll roads, such as the one opened to relieve congestion around Birmingham, and to save motorists from the ignominy of having to drive through Birmingham, are to have speed limits removed from January next year. "There are several reasons...
Read full storyAndrew Coulson Received Food Parcels from News International - He Hated Sam Cam's Cooking
Further political embarrassment has been heaped on the Prime Minister David Cameron, as it has been revealed that during Andy Coulson's whole tenure as the Head of Communications for Downing Street, he was receiving regular food parcels from News of...
Read full storyJoan Collins Admits Her Porn Films The Stud and Bitch Led to Riots & Breakdown in British Values
A tearful Joan Collins has finally broken her silence since the UK riots and admitted that her soft porn films in the 1970s made when she was a struggling and naive middle aged actress, has had a big part to play in the breakdown of British good mann...
Read full storySharon Stone Flashes 'Mature' Beaver on Film in NYC - Rotting Corpse Gas Kills Several Crew Members, Biggest Evacuation Since 9/11
Ageless actress Sharon Stone has triggered one of the biggest on set disasters in movie history, as a one mile cordon had to be set up around a film set in New York after she recreated the infamous scene from Basic Instinct. An unexplained toxic gas...
Read full storyAbilities to pass on from an Elderly Person
One of our more mature contributors to the Inchcock Gazette, has sent in a list of his qualities and skill's he's amassed during his epic and boring lifetime - with an offer to assist others who do not have such qualities, of him passing them on if required. I recall in 1959, the Reverand Salmon taking me to one side, and telling me: "Whatever skills or capabilities you gain, there will always...
Read full storyJobs Given Blow As Apple Chief
Apple Chief Executive Steve Jobs has been given a blow in the top position of America's most profitable company. Jobs has been given a blow before as Chief Executive of Apple between 1984-1997, when he left the company after falling out with coll...
Read full storyObama and the Queen Boost Irish Tourist Trade; Imposters Now Abound
The May visits to Ireland of U.S. President Barack Obama and Queen Elizabeth II created a nice boost in tourist trade. Countries all over the globe have taken note. So have clever entrepreneurs who have seized the opportunity to "rent out" the serv...
Read full storyDemi Lovato, Prince Poppycock, and New Boyz Perform on America's Got Talent
HOLLYWOOD - The producers of America's Got Talent outdid themselves as they booked three professional acts that brought the house down. Demi Lovato performed her mega-hit "Skyscraper" amid one of the most elaborate stage sets to be seen in recent...
Read full storySarah Palin Blames The Earthquake That Struck The East Coast on President Obama
OSKALOOSA, Iowa - Sarah Palin's One Nation Bus Tour pulled into Oskaloosa, Iowa, home of the largest corn cob statue in the world. Palin's bus was parked at a local Pizza Gal Restaurant where a reporter for Tittle Tattle Tonight, Skippy Viperwater...
Read full storySting wins Most Tender Lyrics Award
HAMPSTEAD, London--In what is seen as a lifetime achievement award, rock musician Sting received this week the prestigious Most Tender Lyrics Award at the U.K. Rock Music Awards. Jury members lauded Sting, known for his earlier work with the highl...
Read full story"Kill All Aliens On Sight If You Want To Survive The Space Alien Vampire Holocaust" - Warns Professor Fred Quatermass
Controversial academic, Professor Fred Quatermass, has yet again sparked fury at NASA, the North Aberdeen Space Association, following his suggestion after watching John Carpenter's sci-fi movie, The Thing, on ITV 4, that all alien space vampires oug...
Read full story"Aliens Will Probably Stink Like Sulphur" - Insists Discredited Academic
Leading UK academic, Professor Fred Quatermass, published papers today in which he deduced that aliens would probably smell of sulphur. Professor Quatermass has reasoned that alien life forms probably exist on various gaseous planets around the un...
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