Professor Fred Quatermass States - "It's No Use Counting On Zombies To Fight Alien Space Vampires"

Funny story written by Skoob1999

Thursday, 25 August 2011


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Don't Eat Us! - Eat Them!

Professor Fred Quatermass was apparently at it again this morning, as he advised NASA, the North Aberdeen Space Association, that it would be pretty pointless expecting the dead to rise again as reanimated zombies, in order to fend off an alien invasion by alien space vampires, or even just plain aliens.

"Quite frankly," NASA spokeswoman, Edith McGonegall told reporters. "This so called academic is getting to be a bit of a nuisance. He's just obsessed by slaughtering alien visitors, should they ever arrive. We at NASA prefer to keep an open mind. Of course we'd prefer to think that alien visitors will prove to be benevolent, but should that not prove to be the case, we'd have to deal with a possible hostile scenario. We're prepared for that."

"Bollocks are they prepared for that," Quatermass raged as he downed several large G&T's in The Astronomer's Club in London's Piccadilly. "They want a bloody love-in with the the little green men. That's what those lily livered liberal minded shits want! Do they not realise that these shape shifting little green scumbags are out to get us? That the alien space vampires are out for our blood? For God's sake, these people don't even appear to have heard of the daleks! They really are living in the dark ages."

Quatermass went on to pour scorn on a suggestion by eccentric astronomer, Miles Scanty-Slipshod, who had posited the theory that in the event of an alien invasion, the undead would rise up and become our allies in the war against the alien space vampires, in order to preserve the planet exclusively for humanity as the dominant life-form.

"Absolute bloody bollocks!" Quatermass stated. "If the undead ever do rise up, it will be for the sole purpose of eating people. That man talks out of his arse."

More as we get it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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