Hundreds of Visitors to MLK Memorial Accidently Beaten Senseless by Police
Washington DC - In a tragic accident today in Washington DC scores of visitors to the newly christened Martin Luther King Memorial were attacked by police armed with clubs and dogs in a tragic re-enactment of a 1960's civil rights demonstration gone...
Read full storyPowerful tremor strikes East Coast just as Manhattan DA begins Strauss-Kahn rape charges apologia
New York - The full karmic force of celestial wrath was felt in the United States today just as the Sun entered Virgo, sign of the Harvest and the Reap-As-You-Sow Goddess, at around 1.52 pm local time. Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance was r...
Read full storyBehind the Halal Milking Machine
Earlier this month, headlines were made around the world when it was revealed that Quincy's Unusual Industrial Machinery (QUIM) have introduced the world's first commercial machine for producing halal milk. Traditionally, halal milk must be prepared according to a special religious ritual. The cow must be blindfolded, the milker must wear silk gloves, and he must call out a prayer word while sq...
Read full storyToxicology results in Amy Winehouse postmortem
London - The cause of death 'remains a mystery' a pre-inquest hearing into the singer's death was told today as lab tests confirmed the absence of any illicit substances in the tragic singer's system. But the reason why Golders Green Crematorium '...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Marries NBA Star Kris Humphries and She Has Now Become America's Most Famous Sports WAG
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - The moment she uttered those famous two little words "I do," Kim Kardashian not only became Mrs. Kris Humphries but she also became the most famous WAG in America. Kris Humphries plays for the NBA New Jersey Nets. For those unfam...
Read full storyKing Arthur the Druid demands his bones back!
King Arthur, not of the round table but of Pendragon, a former soldier and now self-named king of the loonies called Druids (who frequent Stonehenge at full moon or eclipses), has demanded that his ancient bones be returned immediately. King Arthu...
Read full storyLibya's Libyan Disaster
I was joined by the wife of our intrepid reporter on the streets of Tripoli as his image came through on our television screen. 'What is that terrible hat he has got on?' she cried in alarm. I explained it was to stop bullets going through his head. 'But no one can see his lovely hair' she groaned. There was more bad news to come. 'His colour coordination is terrible' said the loyal wi...
Read full storyGaddafi Garb coming to America!
Speaking from an unknown location somewhere in Boca Raton Florida, Muammar Gaddafi announced today he is bringing his new line of clothing to America. Speaking to reporters via telephone he said; "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Therefore, I am bringing my line of exclusive clothing to America. I have had thousands requests to make these cute out...
Read full storySt Ellen's Pre Season Pre Curser To Season Ahead
It was a beautiful day in Kinvara last Saturday evening as St Ellen's kicked off their pre season against the locals with the Burren in the background and Mike Burns in the foreground. As has come to be expected for the thousands of fans who follow t...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen and His Erotically Sexy Ex-Wife Brooke Mueller Spent Three Days 'Vavavooming' Down In The Land of Olé!
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - Charlie Sheen may have lost his two goddesses but he more than made up for it with his ex-wife Brooke Mueller. The former happy couple looked happy again as Charlie whisked "Brooky" away to Cabo San Lucas to celebrate her...
Read full storyDruids' casino under London Zoo rumbled as heavy rains flood Regent's Park
London - Locals had long suspected its existence, of course, following decades of spurious equinoctial and solstice Druid activity next door at Primrose Hill. This morning's discovery of a huge subterranean gambling complex came as more than a mon...
Read full storyAmbulances to be toned down?
British ambulances have been branded as too noisy, too bright and too aggressively drive by The Patient Advocate Group. "Do these ambulance drivers not understand that they're carrying sick people?" asked Paul Lay. "The ill and injured don't need...
Read full storyColonel Gaddafi stripped of his rank
The first act of the new rebel leadership in Libya is to strip Gaddaffi of his military rank. "It's been ridiculous," said, Haffa Sigarat, one rebel leader. "I've only been in the military for three weeks, and I'm already a major. He's been a colo...
Read full storyCircles or Squares? Mathematicians debate the big question.
The big debate in mathematics at the moment is the (sometimes violent) discussion over which is more perfect, the circle or the square. Squarely in the Circle camp, is mathematician, Stephen Pille. "The circle has long been considered the perf...
Read full storyNew Smoke Alarm Features Snooze Option
A new smoke alarm is set to premiere on the market this October, just in time for the start of cold weather in most parts of the United States. The Sleepy Flame 3000, manufactured by a company that wishes to remain anonymous, is the world's f...
Read full storyGadhafi Flees to Charlie Sheen's Sober Valley Ranch
According to reports, embattled Libyan strongman Colonel Muamar Gadhafi has fled Libya and is on his way to California, where he has been offered political asylum in Charlie Sheen's Sober Valley Ranch compound. There has been much speculation...
Read full storyApple to Open Store in Grand Central Station; iPads Perform Zumba Routines to Celebrate
It was a press conference for the ages yesterday when Apple chose Grand CentraI Station as the venue for its announcement that the company plans to open a store in that very location. The Apple executives thought THEY would be the center of attentio...
Read full storyElectronic pot to hit US drug stores soon - and it's 100% legal marijuana
A new product will hit store shelves next week. Known as the Easy Toker, Electronic Cannabis Device, it offers a safe and legal alternative to traditional marijuana. Similar in function to electronic cigarettes, the Easy Toker produces only wat...
Read full storyDemi Lovato Is Simply Ecstatic About Her Upcoming Concert Tour
VENICE BEACH - Demi Lovato spent the day after her 19th birthday walking quietly along the shore at Venice Beach in a bathing suit she had received as a birthday present from her two best friends Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber. Lovato, who spent t...
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