Alien spaceship seen hovering over Manchester, space time continuum altered
Scientists were astounded today when a large alien spaceship materialised over the English city of Manchester, and altered the space time continuum there. 'We'd suspected that the forces of nature in Manchester were being tampered with for a while...
Read full storyChris Brown Says He Wants To Star In A Roman Polanski Movie
OGALLALA, Nebraska - Hip-hop singer Chris Brown in town for a sell-out concert performance at the 214-seat Corn On The Cob Coliseum stated that he would like to someday star in a Roman Polanski directed movie. The 20-year-old ex-boyfriend of the p...
Read full storyThe Reality Show Jon and Kate Plus 8 To Become Jon and Kate Plus 8 Minus Jon
LOS ANGELES - The producers of the reality show Jon and Kate Plus 8 have just informed the entertainment media that the name of the show is officially being changed to Jon and Kate Plus 8 Minus Jon. Cooper Kerplunk spokesman for the TLC Network wh...
Read full storyA New Type Of Nazi Puts On Massive Nuremberg Rallies!
Insurance companies united today in an effort to soundly defeat Obama's threat to their huge investments by taking over the staging of town hall forums themselves. They have symbolically chosen Nuremberg, Germany as an experiment for their first majo...
Read full storyGeorge Bush's poodle given away
Former American President George W. Bush - not to be confused with George H. Bush - today announced that he has given away his beloved poodle, after nothing could be done about its lack of spine. Tono, a Yuppy Malteser poodle, had been spending al...
Read full storyRoman Polanski Faces Extradition To Germany For 'Unfinished Nazi Business'
Factions within Germany have claimed that the film director Roman Polanski should not be allowed to be extradited from Switzerland to the USA, but should, instead, be extradited to Germany, where some 'unfinished business' dating from 1943 remains un...
Read full storyRoman Polanski To Wed Samantha Geimer After 32-Year Engagement
In a story that will no doubt warm the cockles of every reader's heart, Roman Polanski, the film director and weirdo, has gone down on one knee to Samantha Geimer - his childhood rape victim - just as she went down on one knee to him in 1977. The...
Read full storyObama's Health Care Plan Slammed
Washington - President Obama announced today that his number one priority as president is to make "Health care affordable for all Americans using a simple plan based making frequent hand washing available to all." Obama was shouted down by Republ...
Read full storyAhmadinejad is top Mossad tosser
Tehran - (Wailing Wall): Iran's Presdident Mahmmoud Ahmadinejad has been named a top Mossad sleeper. FBI agents probing the Bernard Madoff ponzi scam found he'd received more than $20 million from the jailed fraudster. Born Moshe Sabourjian he...
Read full storyRio Goes Mental As It Wins The 2016 Olympics The Bonkettes Fly In For Maracana Gig
The Brazilian city of Rio De Janiero went absolutely mental yesterday as it was confirmed as host city for the 2016 Olympic Games, and girl band sensation the Bonkettes touched down at the airport for their Maracana Stadium sell out gig. Crowds we...
Read full storyErin Andrews Peephole Naked Video Warning
Breaking news from our London office indicates that internet surfers looking to view naked videos of the hot ESPN presenter, Erin Andrews, are likely to catch a lot more than an eyeful of skin. Our research reveals that over 90% of internet sites...
Read full storyMore US jobs found than expected
WASHINGTON DC - The economy has shed 15 million jobs since the recession began, according to government reports. The US economy lost 310,000 jobs in September, which was what Rash Limbrough expected, according to official payroll figures. Rec...
Read full storyTest 'spots anemia danger'
Liverpool, UK - UK experts say they have found a way of predicting which emergency room patients are going to develop anemia. The technique, according to Dr. Arberbey, uses a photo scanner to measure the light level reflected from their skin, whic...
Read full storyHershey scans hidden Milky Way
A remarkable view of a competing candy bar has been obtained by Europe's billion-euro Hershey Candy Observatory, as my host and source for this story informed me as he leads me on a tour of the telescope. The telescope was put in a special bar sca...
Read full storyJeremy Clarkson dumps a load on Buckwheatsbutt's driveway
Doncaster, England - Jeremy Clarkson has played down a recent dumping incident, calling his critics "silly little girls", according to my source, Buckwheatsbutt's mother. In the most recent incident, Jeremy dumped a pile of his manure on the drive...
Read full storyMan With World's Longest 'Pinkie' Nail Puts it to Good Use
Carson City, NV: It's been said that you can pick your friends and that you can pick your nose-- but that you can't pick your friend's nose. Charlie Shitter, Man with the World's Longest Pinkie Fingernail, begs to differ. Shitter, whose fingern...
Read full storyBuckwheat's BUTT destitute, selling used stories on ERAY
LONDON, England - UPDATE! Frankie The J is now holding the 'can' for Buckwheatsbutt. Buckwheat's butt was seen unclothed and battered, penniless and destitute begging for farthings and a lump of coal to suck on. According to my source, Buckwhea...
Read full storyCheney's Long Awaited Autobiography Comes Out - Mein Kampf II
Dick Cheney has finally completed his long awaited autobiography 'Mein Kampf II'. Eager fans of fascism have been gnawing their own limbs off and those of Barnes And Noble staff waiting for it to come out. In the new book Cheney describes in excr...
Read full storyCongress Authorizes First Contingent of Food Police
Washington DC: President Obama signed the Health Care Reform bill today. Buried on page 4203 is the establishment of a cadre of federal Food Busybody Inspectors (FBI) or the "food police." The first unit of FBI agents has been training at an under...
Read full storyPresident Obama Condemns Republicans For Loss of 2016 Chicago Olympics
This morning Republicans awoke to the terrible news of Americas loss for it's 2016 bid for the Olympics in Chicago. Not too surprisingly Republicans rejoiced at the failure of President Obama to bring the Olympics to the United States. Republican...
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