Al Gore is Spokesperson for Solar Powered Dildo!
Perennial Democratic Poster Boy Al Gore announced today he would be the worldwide spokesperson for the new solar powered dildo marketed under the "MEAN GREEN MACHINE " label and sold in K-Mart under the Martha Stewart line of household implements.
Read full storyVatican livid at claims 'saint' Cardinal Newman was Jack the Ripper
Vatican - (Holy Shit! Mess): The Vatican is ourtaged at reports that its latest canonization fodder, former UK prelate Cardinal Newman, was in fact Jack the Ripper. Last week the Pontifical Orifice for Digging Up Corpses demanded that Newman's bo0...
Read full storyPorn/Sex Industry Feeling The Pinch
The latest industry to sttart feeling the pinch of the Global Credit Crunch is the one you would have least expected, the one that you would never have dreamed of, the one you prayed wouldn't suffer - PORN! Yes, even porn has 'highs' and 'lows', a...
Read full storyNew craze hits the UK as a result of the Exorcist
First it was break-dancing, then moon-walking, then rapping, then knife crime, but now, the new craze from Harlem is "neck rotation". According to a report issued today by AMEY, the Association of American Ethinc Youth, youngsters are turning thei...
Read full storySexy Woman! Moose Hunting And Stew Might Lead To White House For Sarah Palin
Respectable New York City publisher Random House has secured the rights to Sarah Palin's collection of moose stories, read to her from birth to 4-years old by her father, Charles Heath ('Chuck') and then read together with her dad until she was 12. A...
Read full storyGordon Ramsay says "pah" to supermarket's "feed family for a fiver"
Gordon Ramsay has pooh-poohed one of the big four supermarkets over its recent "feed your family for a fiver" promotion. The supermarket claims that for five pounds you can buy some sausages, sweet potatatos, brocolli and make a right mixture to f...
Read full storyPope John Paul II Biopic Planned
Sylvester Stallone revealed in a star studded event at Planet Hollywood that he is to star in the up coming film based on the life and times of John Paul II. "I plan to show the world a side of John Paul II never before seen. It is a little known...
Read full storyEngland Crush 11 Dustbins In Barcelona
There was joy in the England football camp tonight, as two goals from Chelsea midfielder Joe Cole underlined a comprehensive victory in their World Cup Group 6 qualifying match against Andorra in Barcelona. Andorra, which in Spanish means '11 Dust...
Read full storyNFL to Un-Level the Playing Field
New York NY, September 5, 2008: National Football League (NFL) Commissioner Roger Goodell met with the owners of those pro-football teams that ended the 2007 season in last place of their respective NFC or AFC divisions. The owners of these teams,...
Read full storyX-Men 3 voted 'Worst Superhero Movie of All Time'
Well, we all knew it. X-Men 3 sucked. And now it has been proven! The World Academy of Film has announced that X-Men 3 has been voted "The Worst Superhero Movie of All Time." Why you ask? "It was damn awful!" says Vic Blum, president of The World Academy of Film. "They killed off THREE major characters and the script looked like it was written by Paris Hilton! What happened to the original w...
Read full storyDire National Threatened Species Day omens for IRA Puppet Monarch
London - (Ass Mess): Sixty eight years to the day when the British King, Queen and eldest daughter Princess Elizabeth all perished in a Luftwaffe raid on Buckingham Palace the omens for the stand-in IRA Puppet Monarch are grim. Indeed, Sunday's N...
Read full storyHuge rise in farming efficiency expected
Scientists working to end the global food crisis have made a breakthrough which will help farmers to be more efficient. "We have managed to breed a whole new range of farm workers who will work all the hours for little or no pay." said Professor H...
Read full storyBlind Boy suspended from School for wearing wrong trousers
Harry Dick, blind boy born to a dwarf, transvestite, one-legged father and an eczyma ridden, hump-backed, jail-brid father (not a typo) has been suspended from his Special School for the Blind for turning up to his Parentcraft lesson wearing banana...
Read full storySpelling Mistakes
In a shock revelation, a spelling mistake has been revealed in the running Vice President, Sarah Palin's name. Records show that her names is actually Sarah Plain. It is an easy mistake to make, the A and the L were put in in reverse order on her...
Read full storyCarry on Spying
A long lost script to a new old film has recently been unearthed in a garage in Kettering. Carry on Spying was thought to be the final script that the original cast of the Carry on Films were meant to be working on. It was apparently a light spoof...
Read full storyMoodstock: Juande and Tunde play 'Sunday Bloody Sunday'
Tottenham Hotspur manager Juande Ramos joined easy listening veteran Tunde Baiyewu onstage on Saturday afternoon to perform a cover version of U2 song 'Sunday Bloody Sunday' at a fund raising event for bipolar disorder sufferers. Tunde, once half...
Read full storyAl Gore Announces Business Ventures
Former Vice President Al Gore is embarking on a new path. He is starting companies that will compete in important industries. The focus will be on products that will be energy efficient and support other policy goals. After a career in politics, G...
Read full storyGary Glitter to remarry
Former glam-rock singer Gary Glitter, real name Pete O'Phile is set to remarry. Back from his recent world tour of Asian airports, the star, aged 78, is to marry his new fiancee, Daftasa Batt, a 16-year old waitress from the Dirteeolmen Bar in Phu...
Read full storySex Scandal Erupts Over McCain-Palin Tongue Kissing And Ass Hugging
Well, we could have told you, "I told you so!" So. we'll say it now. "I told you so!" So, here it is in all its breadth of titillation. After John McCain had delivered his acceptance speech last night in St. Paul as the Republican Party's candidat...
Read full storyParalympics competitors face hurdles
The 13th Paralympics got underway in Beijing today with all the glitz and glamour of the main summer games. There was disquiet amongst some of the competitors though as it would appear the designers of the Birds Nest stadium had omitted to install wh...
Read full storyPrime Minister Abolishes Poverty In The UK
An ebuliant Gordon Brown was delighted to reveal that poverty had been abolished. In a speech to the Institute of Getting Paid Loads of Money for Not Doing Anything Usefull Ever he said."I have managed to come to an agreement with the makers of di...
Read full storyCapello To Be Sacked If England Don't Score 10
England kick-off their World Cup campaign in Andorra today, with team boss Fabio Capello knowing that his job is on the line should his team fail to live up to the expectations of fans. The Italian has come under pressure recently, and after the p...
Read full storyMcCain Claims that He Sexsually Comforted Hillary During the Lewinsky!
John McCain in yet another desperate attempt at luring dissed and disaffected Clinton supporters told the spoof.milf that he gave intimate support to first lady Clinton while Prez Bill had his who-Ha who-Had. I, POW McCain not only suffered in t...
Read full storyMcCain Moons Party Base to Catch the Eye of Indies and Cross Dressers!
Who thought when they tuned into the RNC that they would see a costume malfunction that would show a 72 year old dinosaur's backside? But do it goes, as Vonnegut once wrote. In a desperate attempt to recover his dangerous maverick, Flyboy J.McC r...
Read full storyChameleon McCain Makes Change Look Easy!
As the whole world was watching, John McCain sought to recover his 2000 campaign role as a maverick despite a 2008 campaign of pandering to the religious right(who he used to brand as intolerant), backing off of his denunciation of Bush torture as wh...
Read full storyBrown's Green Rakes in Greenbacks Despite Weak Dollar!
PM Brown is rolling in Greenbacks despite weak dollar due to his being green. Kermit the Frog was the first to say that it ain't easy being green but British politicians have found a way to confound the frog once again! Their green schemes have...
Read full storySexual tension Between Palin and Obama Breaks Out in a Freedom Kiss!
Many observers commented that Sarah Palin's RNC routine had its greatest zippedy doo da when she was thinking about attacking metrosexual Barack Obama. Similarly, when Obama rebutted Sarah Plain N Bifocaled's zingers he seemed to be licking his chops...
Read full storyLike Bristol Palin, Repub Demographics Celebrate Christian Teenie Moms, Like Bristol Palin
The negative growth population of the Republican party looks like the results from the Italian census.Thet haven't replaced their dead, and that's counting the walking dead and the undead, since 1984! So the baby boom inside the blooming bellie...
Read full storyDetroit Saved! Mayor Resigns, Joins Obama Advisor Team!
Detroit/AP - Still cringing from the whuppin' put on his quest for President by Sarah Palin, Barack Obama announced today he was putting some "Hip Hop" back into his campaign by bringing on board his "Election Soul Train", former Detroit Mayor Kwame...
Read full storyHillary Rats Out Whitey Bolger; $2Million Reward Goes for Campaign Debt!
Boston/AP - Two days after the FBI upped the reward on renegade FBI informant and Boston Hit Man Whitey Bolger to $2 M, former Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton dropped a dime on him! As reported earlier, Whitey had been spotted in plain sigh...
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