Charles "I Saw Queen Mother Naked"
King in waiting Prince Charles has revealed the reason behind his tormented childhood claiming that his life changed for the worse after wandering into a palace bathroom to be be confronted by a naked Queen Mother sitting on the toilet. "It was C...
Read full storyShock as Gordon Brown is told the truth about Santa Claus
It has emerged today that the British Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has suffered a major blow to his beliefs and is on the verge of a complete mental breakdown. In a week of terrible economic turmoil that has seen millions of job losses, he has no...
Read full storyKeane Walks Out
Following today's shock defeat by Bolton, Roy Keane has walked out. After leaving the ground he sped home and emerged with his dogs, telling reporters that he was walking out, as the dogs had been inside all day and needed to go for a 'Ronaldo'.
Read full storyGerard McGarry wins the smallest balls competition in Tokyo, Japan!
The world's smallest balls (bozacs - to the brothers) competition held in Tokyo, was won by a man from the U.K. Dr Gerard McGarry , works in cars, computers, care-homes and monkey knit-wear. The diddy dumplinged doctor not only beat fellow humans...
Read full storyCocaine from China Contaminated with Aspartame
PACIFIC OCEAN - Coast Gaurd cutters intercepted a load of cocaine from China cut with sugar and aspartame. "The aspartame enhances the effect of the cocaine, allowing dealers to cut the cocaine with more sugar, and make more money.", captain Bloat...
Read full storyAspartame Helps Tame Donkeys Used to Pull Golf Carts
TIBET - Aspartame controversy aside, new facts from Tibet reveal where the name aspartame (pronounced "ASS" "par" "tame") came from. When golf became quite popular in Tibet in 1970, there was just one problem. No golf carts. But, there were plenty...
Read full storyAspartame Approved for Chemotherapy
NEWARK - In a suprise move today, aspartame, a drug added to food to make people fat, dumb, and hungry, has been approved for chemotherapy. "Actually, like other things that cause cancer, such as radiation, aspartame can be used to treat cancer to...
Read full storyMumbai Terrorist Plotter: "We Just Wanted A Hamburger!"
INDIA - After a 3-day standoff with a tactical terrorist group that left hundreds dead, Military officials discovered a man hiding in the basement of the Taj Mahal Hotel. Abnach Dulaur-Huladen was hiding in a boiler room of the massive structuce when...
Read full storyJalapenoman Told To "Stop Writing Poetry!"
Leading US writer and poet, Jalapenoman, has been told by friends to desist from writing, what he calls, 'poetry', or face exclusion from his favourite waste of time, TheSpoof.com. Man, who usually writes news stories, but recently took it upon hi...
Read full storyCongress, Can You Spare $25 Billion?
Seems like the heads of General Motors, Chrysler and Ford each flew in separate private corporate jets to Washington D.C. asking Congress for a tax-payer bailout. Marching before Senate and House committees, they expected to get a few billion from Co...
Read full storyFruity Cell-phone Manufacturer Settles Radiation Lawsuit with Blueberries
Blueberry Hill, Ontario, Canada - Plagued by numerous class action suits, Canada's leading cell phone giant has instructed its lawyers to settle out of court. In a dramatic announcement, spokesperson Briar Patch revealed that an amicable settlement h...
Read full storyIllinois Zoo Selling Shit
The Christmas ornaments in Bloomington, Illinois that are for sale at the Miller Park Zoo's gift shop are partly manufactured by reindeer, and that's no bullshit! Workers there make Christmas tree decorations out of droppings from the zoo's two r...
Read full storyC. J. de Mooi Exclusive
C. J. de Mooi of the infamouse BBC Eggheads "I know more then you" telivision game show programe has been found to have connections to the I.D.E.A. (I don't eat anything) underground movment. C.J.de Mooi is well known for being the egghead who pu...
Read full storyGive me time to realise my crimes, says Boy George in court!
Eighties pop sensation Boy George, confessed in court yesterday, he was guilty of being a ...'sterotypical, homosexual bitch'. Justice Michael Cuddeford asked Boy George about a charge of false imprisonment for exactly two seconds and then mean...
Read full storyUK nuclear submarines hold top State Secret orders re arrest of Labour Government on Queen's death
Atlantic Ocean - (Apocalyptic Mess): Deep beneath the murky Atlantic waters Britain's patrolling nuclear submarines hold the fate of UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown's government. Newly updated NATO military orders held in the subs' cyber attack-pro...
Read full storyScientists to stop recruiting Nerds
Scientists are to cease the age-old policy of only recruiting from the ranks of nerds, losers, geeks and wimps. Instead, they will now seek future scientific geniuses from groups comprised of stoned teenagers, beauty queens, muscle men and surfers...
Read full storySaint Eligius Day Retribution for Off-the-Wall Street Alchemists
New York - (Merovingian Dy-Nasty Mess): Soothsayers at NY's Roosevelt Island Temple of Nemesis have issued a bitter-sweet warning about Monday's stunning Saint Eligius Day Saturn-trining Moon/Venus/Jupiter conjunction that falls at 22 degrees Capric...
Read full storyGordon Ramsey not f*****g amused by rumours of affair
Celebrity Chef Gordon Ramsay has denied allegations he had an affair. During an appearance on the BBC's "Frigging Good F Show" on Thursday, the celebrity chef sandwiched his denial in a reference to his mistress Sarah Symonds, who was in the audi...
Read full storyThe Ultimate Spoof: French Claim They Need "Bigger" Condoms To House Their Short Range Missiles!
Paris/ Reuters - Never shy in putting themselves "First Amongst Equals", a recent self administered study indicates that French males measured up bigger than the rest of their EU mates in stiff competition for Penile bragging rights! The self adm...
Read full storyRegular Man!
Regular Man - A new, middle of the road kind of hero Faster than a thing thats a bit slower than him! Stronger than a cup of tea made by a blind grandmother! Intelligent as a medium difficulty Sudoku puzzle-solver! To the untrained, semi-skilled and last year at University eye, he is plain, simple Reg Mann, but his alter ego secretly goes around righting wrongs, holding tram doors...
Read full storyMeek reaction strong as protests commence
Following Pope Benedict XVI's statement that the meek will not now inherit the earth, meek believers have gathered in large numbers in cities all over Europe and the USA to voice their disapproval of the Pontiff's declaration. Many of the protest...
Read full storyGordan Ramsay Caught Cheating
Gordon Ramsay was keeping a low profile today after he was caught cheating. Gordon was in his famous restaurant 'Pétrus' where he was in the process of cooking Roasted Loire Valley foie gras with braised carrots and almond foam with onio...
Read full storyFDA Finds Fast Food, MSG and Aspartame Cause Alzheimer's
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- People fed junk food which included MSG and Aspartame for nine months developed the abnormal brain tangles typical of Alzheimer's disease, just released FDA research indicated on Friday. The findings show how the typical...
Read full storyMedical blunders
Musical instruments and car parts were among those left inside four patients after surgery, the Hospital Authority has revealed in the latest issue of its ''Be Careful Alert.'' Musical instruments and car parts including a violin, trombone and a s...
Read full storyMall$Wart Says Bring it On
CHERRY HILLS, New Jersey - Despite the latest casualties in the 'Greeding' of America (wherein hundreds died in a stampede when aspartame was placed on steep discount) Mall$Wart CEO Clyde Homely says "Bring it On." Infamous for his draconian uni...
Read full storyOsama Bin-Laden joins Rotary Club
One time bad boy, "Ossybin" has now fully integrated with W. Mid. society by joining the Rotary Club. "He will be a great asset", enthused veteran Rotarian Jasper Carrot, "the stories he can tell! it beats the one about me mole shooting! and it's...
Read full storyKylie, Waterless Toilet Goddess
The Australian inventors of the waterless toilet have signed Kylie Minogue to head their pro-motion campaign. "It seemed right somehow", bubbled an excited Kylie, "after all, we are both solid Ozzy icons". Australia, land of increasingly severe d...
Read full storyPresident Elect Obama asks Congress for new Economic Legislation
Washington DC: President Elect Obama has called upon the 110th Congress to prepare another $750 Billion economic stimulus package, to further help alleviate the current US economic crisis and "kick start" the economy. This new bill would consider hel...
Read full storyBill Clinton: Obama's Next Ambassador to Somalia
Ex-President Bill Clinton has been picked by President-Elect Barack Obama to be the next Ambassador to Somalia. The announcement will come sometime next week. One pre-condition was that he destroy all the phone numbers of all the women he's harasse...
Read full storyDeport Celebrity Weirdos Begs Archbishop
The Archbishop of Canterbury has spoken out on behalf of the British public claiming "enough is enough" and wants reported celebrity sex fiends such as Boy George and Gordon Ramsay to be either jailed or deported for any further infringements involvi...
Read full storyRasputin, to appear on 'I'm a Celebrity' or 'Big Brother', rant the scum tabloids!
Grigori Efimovich Rasputin one of the most enigmatic men in modern history is to join the cast of I'm A Celebrity or the next Celeb Big Brother. Producers are scrambling to bring the misunderstood holy man with strange powers, onto their shitty p...
Read full story