President Elect Obama asks Congress for new Economic Legislation

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Saturday, 29 November 2008


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Washington DC: President Elect Obama has called upon the 110th Congress to prepare another $750 Billion economic stimulus package, to further help alleviate the current US economic crisis and "kick start" the economy. This new bill would consider helping main street homeowners pay their mortgages, alleviate individual credit card debt, allocate more money to bailout Wall Street financial institutions, increase infrastructure construction projects and provide loan bailouts to the big three automakers.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid have responded favorably and a working copy of a joint bill has been drafted. This new draft legislation is called the 2009 National Revitalization Act (NRA). This very politically correct Democratic terminology, vice being called another Federal bailout bill, contains many compromises (read earmarks) in order to get everybody on board.

In summary, the NRA provides for:

  1. Loans to help main street, Wall Street and floundering auto makers survive.
  2. Grants to Gay wedding chapels in San Francisco CA.
  3. Subsidies to revitalize Nevada's prostitution ranches.
  4. Putting the NJ Pussy Willow on the Endangered Species List (ESL).
  5. A ban on plastic bags, including condoms unless they are reused.
  6. Revolving doors in the 1200 mile Mexican border fence.
  7. All new cars made after 2010 be painted green.
  8. At least 50 new nuclear electric generating plants to be constructed by 2020.
  9. Global warming only to be allowed in states bordering Canada.
  10. All oil and gas drilling be permitted only in Crawford TX.
  11. Increasing entitlements for health coverage; Etc, etc...

President Elect Obama has promised to go over the Federal Budget "line by line" to eliminate unnecessary programs and government waste. Following President Obama's Inauguration Ceremony on January 20, 2009, former President George W Bush will present the new president a small gift of intrinsic value. It is a pen made by the VETO Manufacturing Company of Chicago IL.

High placed Washington DC sources, who wish to remain anonymous, indicate that the 111th Congress may need to do a little "word smithing" to the NRA, based on subsequent direction from President Obama.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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