UN Resolution to DNA test and fingerprint all Bushes
New York - (AssoCIAted Mess): The UN Security Council has voted overwhelmingly in favor of DNA testing and fingerprinting all members of the Bush tribe after the UK's Metropolitan Police and Interpol confirmed that their database of the world'...
Read full storySatirist Uncovers Truth About American Culture; Peers Behind Curtain In Macbeth Remake and Wizard of Oz
In a scene similar to Toto leading his steadfast and virtuous owner, Dorothy and her compunctious companions, Tin Man, Lion and Scarecrow to peering behind the curtain and discovering the deceitful megalomaniacal wizard for who he really is; or the p...
Read full storyOne Of The Most Perplexing Questions Known To man
Is the glass half full or half empty? It's a problem that has vexed psychologists for years and one that we are no nearer to solving still. Or are we?...
Read full storySnitch Bish dumped
Warsaw - (Rioters): Just one hour before his official inauguration as the Primate of Warsaw, Archbishop Stanislaw Phygelius has been dumped from the top church job after admitting collaborating with the secret police and snitching up his colleagues d...
Read full storyBlair is bankrupt
Drowning Street - (Ass Mess): As officers from the Met's Serious & Organised Crime Squad prepare to swoop on No 10 Drowning Street tomorrow morning to grill the Prime Monster over selling Peerages to the IRA, a taskforce of bailiffs is poised to...
Read full storyLoser Claypole Hits the Bottle
In a shocking expose to be shown on Channel 4s More4, a team follows the lives of the camp employees of the firm known as Rentaghost, featured in a 1970s reality show of the same name.
Read full storyBlair: Saddam Who?
Tony Blair today denied the existence of anybody called Saddam Hussein. As what is seen as further moves to avoid commentary on the former dictator, Blair greeted reporters' questions with...
Read full storyRoyal Navy Cock-A-Hoop As Magic Stunt Goes Wrong
Street magician, David Blaine, is the toast of the Royal Navy today but because his latest illusion went spectacularly wrong in Portsmouth Naval Dockyard.
Read full storyConversation Sparks Expedient Study; Professionals Over-Thinking "Big Issues" In Life
Scientific studies came out today proving that persons belonging to the American, professional class, have a tendency to over-think issues like marriage and having children and should take a lesson from the working class if they are really serious ab...
Read full storyGinger Snaps
Its official, ginger people are angrier than the rest of us and the red hair, eyebrows and other body hair is natures warning to stay away.
Read full storyHip hop newcomer Killah D miffed he wasn't arrested after Brooklyn brawl.
A neophyte on the hip hop scene, rapper Killah D, AKA D-Doggs, AKA Doggy D AKA Josh, recently participated in a 35 person disturbance in downtown Brooklyn earlier this week. Traffic was halted for five hours as authorities subdued the unruly parties.
Read full storyCartland's Cat Is Cash Cow
The cat of the late novelist, Barbara Cartland, has appeared for sale today on ebay.
Read full storyScientists Determine What Happens in Vegas Rarely Stays There
A groundbreaking study has provided strong evidence that what happens in Las Vegas frequently becomes widely known elsewhere. This is a direct contradiction of the common belief that what happens in Vegas is essentially a secret known only to direct...
Read full storyBra Saves Florida Woman's...Life!
While watching a spectacular New Year's Eve fireworks display a Florida woman discovered that an errant bullet fired in the air in celebration of the approaching New Year was caught in her bra. "Wonder of wonders!" She exclaimed, "...
Read full storyArmy Calls up Dead and Wounded for Service in Iraq
US Army sent re-enlist letters on the day after Christmas to 75 dead and 200 wounded Iraq War veterans, giving new meaning to the Army of the Dead.
Read full storyBuddy Holly Statue Demands New Location
The statue of famous 1950's singer Buddy Holly in Lubbock, Texas has demanded to be traded to another city due to lack of playing time. Said the statue, "I'm from here and the radio stations don't even play my stuff any more. I hav...
Read full storySubway Superman Had it all Planned?
As Jay Leno put it: "WHO in their right mind will step in front of a moving train to save somebody they don't even know? Sorry mom it ain't me try your other son."...
Read full storyCatholic High Schools Pull for Mandatory Drug Testing
Catholic High schools across the country are turning to mandatory drug testing of all students through a California firm that tests hair samples and guarantees accuracy within 90 days preceding the test.
Read full storyRaytheon Reverses its Policy on Firing Retards
In its attempt to navigate between the Scylla of Arizon'a new higher minimum wage and the Charybdis of a two month long strike, Raytheon CEO, Odysseus Ofthecraftymind announced his plan to hire as many mentally retarded replacement workers as pos...
Read full storyDiana inquest to probe her Lucrezia Borgia machinations
London - (Ass Mess): The First Battalion of the Black Watch Beetle will be on armed patrol outside the Royal Courts of Justice on Monday for the inquest into the death of Diana, Temptress of Wales, amid rumors that her Machiavellian secret life will...
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