Scientists Determine What Happens in Vegas Rarely Stays There

Funny story written by Dan Barash

Sunday, 7 January 2007


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Scientists Determine What Happens in Vegas Rarely Stays There

A groundbreaking study has provided strong evidence that what happens in Las Vegas frequently becomes widely known elsewhere. This is a direct contradiction of the common belief that what happens in Vegas is essentially a secret known only to direct participants.

The study, done by the Harvard Institute of Socio-Leisure Studies, tracked over 4,000 tourists and business people who visited Las Vegas. Participants, as well as work colleagues and family members, completed detailed surveys and were interviewed every 3 months for five years. Lead investigator Dr. Gilbert Goldman summarized the results as "clearly indicating that what happens in Vegas almost never stays there."

This undoubtedly will be disturbing news to the legions of Las Vegas visitors who assume they can enjoy any number of unwholesome pursuits in relative anonymity.

The Las Vegas Chamber of Commerce issued a statement calling the study "flawed and misleading". Chamber President Roxanna Bottoms said "the millions of people who enjoy the naughty pleasures of Las Vegas can rest assured their spouses and employers will never find out. We are all about privacy and discretion."

But Harvard's Goldman says that detailed, longitudinal studies such as this are the most accurate way to determine if "you'll have some explaining to do when you get back to Dubuque, or wherever."

Does this mean Las Vegas' reputation as Sin City will fade? Not likely, says Dr. Goldman. "Our data shows most people don't believe they will ever get caught, even if the evidence indicates otherwise. And besides, you can always blame it on the tequila."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more