Raytheon Reverses its Policy on Firing Retards

Funny story written by Pointer

Sunday, 7 January 2007

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I got a job!

In its attempt to navigate between the Scylla of Arizon'a new higher minimum wage and the Charybdis of a two month long strike, Raytheon CEO, Odysseus Ofthecraftymind announced his plan to hire as many mentally retarded replacement workers as possible.

"We're calling this SCAB (Strategical Corporate Alternative Bomb). We've been told that bomb doesn't make much sense in the title bit since all we make is bombs and bomb is in the title of all our other plans we thought what the heck": Ofthecraftymind explained. It is hoped that SCAB will kill two birds with one bomb, a leaked corporate memo reads:

"We get to shut up the retard lobby and burn the asses of those strikers at the same time.It's our very own Trojan Horse." (Our editors believe this to be a reference to the new equine condom produced to stem the spread of EIV, a virulent virus plaguing the world-wide horse community).

"Heck", floor foreman Telemachus Thebrave commented, "I could never understand what those engineers and physicists were jammering about. And besides, it'll be great to have those goofy bastards back. They're a regular barrel of clowns".

International Machinists Local 933 spokesperson Hector Theproud could hardly contain his rage at an emergency union meeting: "Workers of the World unite! You have nothing to lose but your 401k's, HMO's, Life Insurance and a damn good $15. per hour staring salary!"

Rumor has it that striking workers are taking IQ tests in an attempt to score some of the SCAB jobs. Long lines are forming at testing centers all over Tucson causing tremendous delays. Things have gotten so bad that some rich parents are worried that they will not be able to obtain untimed testing status for their children taking the next SAT.

RPFF, a national advocacy group ( Rich Parents For Freetime) attacked the strikers scheme and deplored the lack of integrity in Americam labor. A striker who'd been on line for hours after traveling from one testing center to another was heard to complain; "This Odessey is going to kill me if i don't get home soon!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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