Loser Claypole Hits the Bottle

Written by Matt Linehan

Sunday, 7 January 2007

image for Loser Claypole Hits the Bottle
Claypole drunk and disorderly

In a shocking expose to be shown on Channel 4s More4, a team follows the lives of the camp employees of the firm known as Rentaghost, featured in a 1970s reality show of the same name.

Viewers will be disturbed to see ageing homosexual jester, Mr Claypole, drunk on methylated spirits, swearing at passer's by and vomiting in a park.

The South Ealing firm went into insolvency in the late 1980s though had been popular at a time when it was trendy to hire out overtly gay ghosts to play pranks on friends and family.

The tanked up jester's life has been an endless downward spiral. In a more coherent moment, a foul mouthed Claypole explained to us

"First I f*cking died, then that w*nker Mumford made me do all the f*cking around with tricks!"

After a brief scuffle with a passing pensioner, Claypole settled down to explain how he now lives on the street, is an alcoholic and has absolutely no hope of getting a job because he keeps vanishing without warning and his hands go through solid matter.

"Its the f*cking drink yer see ... I've lost control, spare us 50p?.

The show also follows the afterlife of stuffy employee Hubert Davenport who suffered a nervous breakdown and clog wearing wench Nadia Popov who vanished some time ago and hasn't been seen since for more than 3 minutes at a time.

Former landlord, Harold Meaker, now 93, claimed Channel 4 were using the unfortunate people just to get viewing figures.

The show can be seen on hilariously named More4 (US Street slang "Mo fo") in February.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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