Obama and Edwards Vie for America's Youngest President Title
John Edwards, John Kerry's old running mate tossed his hat into the '08 presidential race today. Barack Obama, himself a toddler like Edwards (according to Herbert Walker Bush) is expected to soon announce his 2008 presidential aspirations as...
Read full storyMy Neighbour's Caused Global Warming Says Scientist
In a move that's sure to split the science world from top to bottom, a clever scientist type has claimed that Global Warming has been caused by his next door neighbour's heating system.
Read full storyAshley Simpson to Appear in Dreamgirls 2
Beyonce who dropped 20 pounds for her blockbuster role in Dreamgirls went "Oh no she's NOT" after learning that producers, now working on Dreamgirls 2 were considering adding Jessica's lip-syncing little sister Ashley to th...
Read full storyFord State Funeral: the Lying in Winter
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): The 39th President of the United States, Gerald Ford, has been accorded a full state funeral this weekend after the Bush Administration heaved a sigh of relief that neither the FBI, CIA, NSA nor the Pentragram had publishe...
Read full storyWit Wars Ensue Over Atlantic in Kingdom of Spoof; Myth Revealed
Wit Wars continued today after two members from the House of David brandished wits and charged intrepidly and tenaciously at the other. King David and Queen Mudder, both from the Kingdom of Spoof, came out quickly at the other in the...
Read full storyBlair's next holiday destination with Gary Glitter
London - (Ass Mess): Drowning Street refused to confirm or deny reports that the Prime Monster's Easter holiday in April is booked to take place at Gary Glitter's beachside retreat in Phuket, Thailand.
Read full storyCameron 'heir to Moseley as a One Nation Blackshirt''
London - (Ass Mess): A senior Hellfire Club grandee has said that Tory leader David Cameron is emerging as the natural hair shirt of his party and is a dead ringer for spiritual guru Oswald Moseley, the World War II traitor and leader of the British...
Read full storyFDA: Cloned animals "safe-ish" to eat
Washington, DC - The Food and Drug Administration today declared that cloned and other genetically modified livestock are "probably" fit for human consumption.
Read full storyJames Brown to Dance at his own Funeral?
Not for the faint of heart psychologists say, the funeral of Godfather of Soul James Brown is NOT the place you want to be if you're easily frightened or spooked or afraid to even watch Amityville Horror on Showtime. James Brown, living legend th...
Read full storyDenver to Erect Giant Umbrella Over the City
Plagued again with record snowfall Denver officials began construction of a 97 story 38 mile wide umbrella which experts believe will protect them from the snows AND make quite a good shield against the rains should Spring ever arrive again. Scientis...
Read full storyGifted Child's Secret Is Out
For years it was thought that young Martin Popplelop was a gifted genius. At the age of four he had an IQ of 175 and by six this had increased to 194.
Read full storyKleer Channel To Play More Variety On Radio Stations
Micanopy, FL - Kleer Channel announced today that it will start playing a greater variety of music on its radio stations. Kleer Channel spokesperson Debbie Dallas admitted that things were getting rather stale and that its classic rock stations woul...
Read full storySen. Ted Kennedy Enthusiastically Dumps Liquor Into Boston Harbor
A study by researchers at the University of Washington is music to Senator Ted Kennedy's ears. The researchers discovered that Puget Sound in Washington State is beginning to taste like vanilla and cinnamon because of holiday baking.
Read full storyNew Three-part Driving Test to be Introduced in 2009
The Government has today announced that in addition to the practical driving test, that from 2009, it will become mandatory to carry out a further test on a hi-tech driving simulator before new drivers will even be allowed on our roads.
Read full storyKu Klux Klan Calling It Quits
Murphy, NC - The KKK is calling it quits. Grand Wizard Cleetus JoeBob Jacksin told reporters that after 100 years of KKK activities there is no need for their work anymore.
Read full storyIntel Recalls Every PC Ever Made
If you own a Dell or a Gateway or even an Intel powered Mac the Intel corporation advices you to run, not walk to the nearest sanitary landfill and toss the thing into the rubble before it blows.
Read full storySaddam Pleads Death By Chocolate
Saddam Hussein has written an open letter to U.S. politicians and a human rights group requesting he be allowed to gorge himself on Mars chocolate bars until completely comatose, as part of his upcoming execution.
Read full storySultan of Brunei up the swanee
London - (AssoCIAted Mess): It's the talk of London's Inner Temple of Mammon: how the Sultan of Brunei's younger brother Prince Jefri Archer went on the rampage in a central London property buying spree only to find the entire portfolio o...
Read full storyAmerican Students Going to Vietnam for College
Washington DC - More and more American students are going to Vietnam to save money on college fees. They will be attending Vietnam U. The campus is actually inside Vietnam's reedeucation camps which have been busy ever since 1972. George Bush...
Read full storyFluky Shah Rukh Khan re-inventing from Don to KBC
He may be regarded has the biggest fluke in the history of Cinema but the 41 year old Bollywood self proclaimed Badshah of Hits like Dil Se, Swades, Ashoka, Paheli and even Guddu, movies that won the heart of many and helped maintain Khan's super...
Read full storyBotham Slams Door
Ian 'Beefy' Botham has today slammed a door in a fit of rage over England's latest shambles against Ireland in the 5th test in Mumbai.
Read full storyBlaine Attempts His Most Audacious Stunt Ever
Weirdo street magician, David Blaine, has announced his latest stunt to be entitled 'Sod all'...
Read full storyKazakh Natives Bid Bye-Bye to Borat
The world thought that the wild cheering recently heard in Kazakhstan was caused solely by the fact that Corot, a satellite searching for Earth-like planets beyond our solar system, had just been launched. Not so.
Read full storyParis Hilton Goes Legit, Preaches First Sermon to Standing Room Only Crowd
Nichole Richie described it as "freaky". Paris Hilton, now a partially ordained Minister of the Church of Erotic Joy, is telling people how to not get to Heaven, but instead how to stay out of Hell. She says they can do this by knowing the...
Read full storyOh no - security issues with Microsoft Vista detected
Dec. 28 (Vermont) - The world must be coming to an end. The unimaginable happened. Experts in Russia (what can you expect from ex-commies?) and strangely in the USA itself found security holes in Microsoft's Vista.
Read full storySpace telescope to spy on Walter Mitty Romney
Kazakhstan - (Ass Mess): The Corot telescope that was launched from Baikonur Cosmodrome Baikonur Cosmodrome this morning on a Mission Impossible headline of searching for alien life in the Cosmos is secretly tracking Mormon fantasist and Presidential...
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