Wit Wars Ensue Over Atlantic in Kingdom of Spoof; Myth Revealed

Written by King David

Thursday, 28 December 2006

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Wit Wars continued today after two members from the House of David brandished wits and charged intrepidly and tenaciously at the other. King David and Queen Mudder, both from the Kingdom of Spoof, came out quickly at the other in the royal bedroom today where the two were going about their normal routines of doing nothing.

It was rumored that the Queen began the passionately elevating exchange after issuing a Merry Christmas greetings to all in the Kingdom "from the craggy cliffs of spoofland." The exchange became progressively heated after a green pepper named, Jalapenoman jumped into the conversation and began pouring beer on everyone.

The Queen, who was trenchant after that, struck back sarcastically with acid wit--"King, Queen, President. What, no Pope? No Holy Roman Emperor?" in response to J-man's saccharine plea to feigned self-pity-"So, We've got the Queen, the King, and the President all on this site, and I'm just a lonely, little, hot, green pepper."

It was rumored that the Queen castigated the little, green pepper after that and threw him against the wall for his admission that he would not be able to catch the Queen by Friday in number of stories published in the Kingdom. Totals reported were, Queen, going on 500; Green Pepper Man, 140.

The Queen continued her castigation and threatened to have the royal cook slice little green pepper up and use him on the royal salad.

"You do that and I'll burn your ass," the hot, little green pepper said irreverently to the Queen.

She went on further in her attack:

"Did you know that your 'New Dead Sea Scrolls Translation Prove Da Vinci Code False' was deemed to be a gross sacrilege at the Oratory School* in London SW3 after some kids put it up on the classroom wall last year to test their religion teacher's general knowledge. Ya couldn't get that kind of publicity if you paid for it!"

The King, apparently in an effort to save the little, green pepper from sure mutilation, chimed in and told the Queen in her response to the Dead Sea Scrolls comment not to tell the children that Genesis was a myth, that they were still stuck in a concrete learning stage and didn't have enough sophistication for the passage yet. He also warned that she would be burned at the steak by Fundamentalist Christians if she did.

"You think that little green pepper's going to be hot. Wait 'n see what those Christians will do to you!"

Then, from whichever side of the pond he was living on at the time, a leprechaun by the name of Buff jumped out of the woods in the Duff, or was it a leprechaun named, Duff jumped out of the woods in the buff. Yea, that's it, a leprechaun named, Duff jumped out of the woods in the buff and wished everyone a Merry Christmas and refuted the King's assertion that Genesis was a myth admitting to committing to acts of piracy in stealing the CD's and vinyl's of a group called Genesis to prove the king wrong.

The King became very angry with the leprechaun named Duff for his venturesome ways and threw a royal fit at the wee man. The wee man ducked and let the fit fly over him. It sailed a few hundred feet, shape-shifting several times until finally becoming a "flying island" and landing safely in "the pond."

Then, all of a sudden, out of Sherwood Forrest came an army of elves with pointed, sharp spears and different names like Michael, Robin, Xavier and Excalibur, a big, white rabbit and a giant named Gulliver.

They stared at the writer. He stared back.

And that's how Wit Wars came to be in the Kingdom of Spoof.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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