London - (AssoCIAted Mess): It's the talk of London's Inner Temple of Mammon: how the Sultan of Brunei's younger brother Prince Jefri Archer went on the rampage in a central London property buying spree only to find the entire portfolio of bijou Crown Estate residences he thought he'd bought with some recycled Tora Bora opium trading profits had been planted by MI5 spooks trailing more gerrymandering evidence linking Mayor Ken Livingstone to deceased Enron CEO Ken Lay.
And now Son Altesse the Sultan finds himself out of pocket by over £5 billion as Jefri prepares to declare bankruptcy and sue former Florida Governor Jeb Bush for misleading him over delivery guarantees of Colombian Yuletide freetrade organic produce that was seized in a dozen spectacular raids by the Royal Navy in the balmy offshore waters of the Carribean.
Jefri told a senior judge in London chambers last week that he had a mandate from his brother the Sultan to invest in prime London property hotspots and spent accordingly from the Brunei's investment arm. Now every purchase has been proven to be a dud.
Worse still, the supposedly bona fide property documents were supplied to him personally by UK Chancellor of the Exchequer Gordon Brown who swore blind that their previous 'entirely legit' owners were not expecting any ennoblements to the House of Lords as Working Peer in the New Years Honors List.
As the UK Prime Monster tans his pallid and be-varicosed winter limbs on a Tampax, Florida beachfront hideaway belonging to ageing crooner Robin Gibb, the Feds are watching him like a hawk as Jebby attempts to send in covert negotiators to hammer and sickle a way out of the debacle.
"All it would take for disaster to strike is for old Poppy Bush to have a sudden and fatal seizure like his old pal General Pinochet to the whole thing to blow sky high", said an unmarked undercover spook posing as a catering employee at the Gibbs residence.
"And the signs and portents are looking increasingly ominous".