Eddie Murphy named as father of Komodo dragon
The anticipated virgin birth of a Komodo dragon lizard at Chester Zoo in England may be a hoax, if accusation currently pointing over across the Atlantic are to be proved. And as if Eddie Murphy has not got enough problems already, in a bizarre turn...
Read full storyLive Giant Squid Filmed: Then Consumed Immediately
A magnificent giant squid was captured by Japanese scientists who were disappointed to learn that the mythical creature Godzilla had once again eluded capture. The giant squid was the first of it's species to be caught on video tape.
Read full storyHilary Duff Now a Barbie Doll
Wanna-be singer, media icon, and self proclaimed actress Hilary Duff is the latest to be immortalized with her own Barbie Doll. Features for the new Hilary Barbie include plastic expressions during acting scenes, easily removable clothing, hair that...
Read full storyFormer Dallas Cowboy Receives Kidney from Teammate
Ron Springs, former running back for the NFL Dallas Cowboys, needs a kidney transplant to live. That kidney is being donated by former defensive back and teammate, Everson Walls.
Read full storyOriginal Christmas Carol Lyrics Revealed
RCA Music has revealed the original lyrics to many of the now famous Christmas Carols. According to producer Mary Fielding, "Most carols did not start out the way they are now. Our now beloved Christmas music has changed a little."...
Read full storyTop journalist fears for deadbeat's life
Top journalist and humanitarian, Breeze, told reporters of his fear that lonely fantasist, Chris Hanson, may be shot by police if he does not give himself up.
Read full storyMacy's Pulls Fur Coats Made of Dog Pelts
Macy's Department stores across the world have pulled Sean John jackets from the shelves after P.E.T.A. (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) reported that they were actually made from dogs. The manufactured had advertized that the hoode...
Read full storyPrince To Shut Internet Down for Maintenance
Pop star Prince, owner of the Internet announced today that the web must be shut down for a few minutes tonight while technicians back the whole thing up on his hard-drive.
Read full storyHonorary Gong for Bongo
Blarney Castle, Dublin - (Ass Mess): The Irish Embassy in Dublin has claimed today that the musician Bongo is to receive an honorary knighthood from the Queen in the New Year's Honors List for his inhumanitarian work in the music industry.
Read full storyLoud Music Heard Heard As Shuttle Lands
Loud Hip Hop bass lines were heard as the Space Shuttle rolled to a stop. Also the pilot's seat was moved back as far as it would go and was tilted way back. When the doors were opened there was the smell of burnt rope on board.
Read full storyHoliday Madness-Leave the Kids Behind
Reporters yesterday say that nannies are continuing to be hired by airlines during the Christmas season to look after children flying alone and left behind in airports while busy parents are flagging down cabs and carrying Christmas gifts to loved on...
Read full storyBotham Slams Sorry Santa
Ian 'Beefy' Botham has today accused Santa of being nothing more than an old fat bloke dressed up in a red outfit with a fake big white beard.
Read full storyNoel Deals Himself A Full House For Christmas
Re-invented TV celebrity, Noel Edmonds, was spotted today flying out of Britain with a bevy of beauties, en route to a secret destination in the Seychelles for the holiday season.
Read full storyThe Backward Poem--Hazards of Romanticizing the Past
The Backward Poem (Hazards of Romanticizing the Past)...
Read full storyNew drug to cure!
A new drug has been invented and while it is proven to counteract a condition which can lead to blindness, the drugs are very expensive and they may not be available on the NHS.
Read full storyArt and Religious Worlds in a Spin Over Painting
The worlds of art and religion have gone into melt-down this morning following an unprecedented occurrence.
Read full storyOliver Gets Some More
Cheeky chappie cock-en-ee chef, Jamie Oliver, is reported to be loosing his battle against his expanding waist line.
Read full storyBush Pardons Drug Dealer
Washington D.C. - When George Bush issued 16 pardons, on Thursday, among them was a pardon for methamphetamine dealer, Phillip Anthony Emmert. Although many of the other pardons were for insignificant transgressions, Media attention is now focusing o...
Read full storyBrit Penis Fetishist Escapes From Hospital, Haunts Moor in Cornwall
BODMIN, ENGLAND -- A freelance satirist obsessed with mentalist Uri Geller's penis has disappeared from St. Ives Hospital with a laptop computer, medical implements to perform circumcisions, a set of tattooing irons, and a straight razor, police...
Read full storySpace Shuttle Lands Safely Despite Poorly Inflated Tires
Space Shuttle Discovery touched down safely after it's astronauts spent 13 days and over 1.5 billion of your tax dollars pretending to be Bob Villa in orbit. Even though the shuttle's rear tires had only 28 psi of pressure the shuttle coasted...
Read full storyGay Wise Men outrage Nativity scene visitors
Rome - (Ass Mess): Local residents have expressed condemnation and outrage at this year's traditional Nativity scene outside St Peter's Square which has portrayed the Magi as gay nomads looking for succour (sic) in Herod's hellish kingdom...
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