Original Christmas Carol Lyrics Revealed

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Saturday, 23 December 2006

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Lyrics such as "Oh Christmas Tree" have been changed over the years

RCA Music has revealed the original lyrics to many of the now famous Christmas Carols. According to producer Mary Fielding, "Most carols did not start out the way they are now. Our now beloved Christmas music has changed a little."

When asked the reason for the changes, Fielding said that there was not one reason that applied to all the songs.

Examples of some of those carols are below:

"I felt grandma slipping me her tongue, underneath the mistletoe last night."

"You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, but do you recall, the other reindeer on my wall? Rudolph the eight point buck, had a really nice big rack...."

"Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, I hate vaccuuming up your needles!"

"Away in a manger, no crib for his bed, the sheep crap was stinking, the walls paper thin."

"Oh come all ye stupid, gullible and greedy, oh come ye, oh come ye, to the after Thanksgiving sales."

"Silent night, deadly night, wolves attack, sheep afright."

"God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay, remember that the Cowboys will play on Christmas day."

"Grandma got felt up by a reindeer..."

"It came upon a Midnight clear, news that all flights from Denver were delayed."

"Joy to the world, we all saw the picture, when Britney forgot her panties."

"Oh little town of Bethlehem, how still we see the lie, while the local jews sleep, the P.L.O creep, to blow your town bye-bye."

"I heard the bells on Christmas day, the sirens passing on their way, to go the the slums, and ask the bums, about the latest drunk who got rolled."

"Deck the halls with Glidden Latex..."

"You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why, we installed motion alarms and sound detectors in our store!"

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, when I open up my bag of Coke."

"Come, they told me, pa rum pa pum pum, there's Britney's crotch to see, pa rum pa pum pum..."

"What child is this? Cuz it ain't mine, I remembered to use a condom!"

"Go tell it on the mountain, over the hills and everywhere. Go tell it on the mountain, that Donald Rumsfeld resigned!"

"Hark, the Times Herald ads are slick, the after Christmas sales ads are really thick."

"Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and before we get interrupted by your pa, give me a hand and unhook your bra."

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, burning because I forgot the tongs..."

"Caroling caroling near and far, everyone slams the door in our face..."

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas, keep it a secret if you're gay."

"Angels we have heard on high, the Yankees, Dodgers, and the Braves. Phillies, Cardinals, and the Mets, all don't want Barry Bonds on their teams either."

"Good King Wenceslaus was upset, because no one could pronounce his name."

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and the A.C.L.U. is pissed."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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