Top journalist fears for deadbeat's life

Written by Breeze

Saturday, 23 December 2006

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'Chris Hanson' Police urge the public not to approach him.

Top journalist and humanitarian, Breeze, told reporters of his fear that lonely fantasist, Chris Hanson, may be shot by police if he does not give himself up.

Speaking from the Ivy resaurant in London, where he was entertaining close friends Nelson Mandela and Prince Charles, Breeze told us: "Obviously I am upset that this man has developed a fixation over me and, if he can be caught by the police and returned to Broadmoor, I will use my not inconsiderable influence to get him the kind of help he so desperately needs. My only fear is that he may now be so far gone that he does not give himself up."

Mr Hanson has been on the run since escaping from prison three years ago, living rough on the streets of London and earning booze money by performing 'favours' for elderly gentlemen.

Breeze's wife, supermodel Giselle, told reporters, "My husband is a generous and caring lover, who always drives me to the very pinnacle of sexual desire before sending me into paroxysms of ecstasy with his firm body and expert touch."

Top doctor, Professor J. Caringbunny, told The Spoof last night, "Mr Hanson is a very dangerous man, whose hero-worship of Breeze has gradually turned into self-loathing. This was possibly triggered by the realisation that there was just no way he could compete with a writer of Breeze's astonishing ability...and because he can't spell."

The Professor also said, "Our records show that Mr Hanson contrated syphillis from a one legged, Peruvian prostitute in 1996. The aggressive nature of this disease and the fact that his crotch is slowly rotting away would explain his mental confusion....and possibly the smell."

Pulitzer prize winner and three times 'Time Man of the Year', Breeze, said last night, "I hope Mr Hanson takes this opportunity to hand himself in. I hate the thought of him wandering streets, dressed only in rags, haunted, alone and mentally befuddled, it is Christmas after all."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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